Rob Brydon quotes from QI

Rob Brydon

Is this a reference to the joke about "What is a sheep tied to a lamp post in Cardiff"? It's a leisure center.

Rob Brydon

"When a baby cries it's first cry when it's born it's crying out knowing..." [audience member giggles] Shut up. [more laughter] You wouldn't know a good impression if it sat on your face!

Rob Brydon

Because people had more money than sense?

Stephen Fry

How do otters kill crocodiles?

Rob Brydon

Softly with their songs.

Rob Brydon

There a map, which I think MI5 had, that shows not just Hadrian's Wall, but Hadrian's Conservatory and Hadrian's water feature, which is very nice, it sort of cascades down over pebbles.

Stephen Fry

Yes, Carlisle is in a sense Hadrian's sliding patio door, isn't it?

Stephen Fry

Well, each town is 30,000 pounds, and...

Rob Brydon

For Port Talbot? They're not gonna charge 30,000 pounds for Port Talbot, Stephen. They're not gonna get that.

Stephen Fry

Port Talbot, is that on the south Welsh coast, by any chance?

Rob Brydon

Yes. No, you'd be lucky to get 15 quid for that.

Stephen Fry

What is a taffy pull?

Rob Brydon

Is this another dig at my forefathers?

Stephen Fry

You've got four fathers? The Welsh are weird.

Stephen Fry

How does a love bomb work?

Rob Brydon

I turn up and I get on with it. (Applause.) Is a love bomb a bottom noise that can be made whilst you’re making lo...you know, sometimes you’re... and then all of a sudden, you know that noise, it’s really awkward and you pretend you haven’t heard it?

Stephen Fry

Rob? Rob, can I remind you of something? Your father is in the audience.

Rob Brydon

He’s happy to go ‘that’s my boy! You’re putting Wales on the map, Robert!’

Rob Brydon

Was that before or after email?

Stephen Fry

[grins] It's... close. They were spamming though, you'd get endless streams! [pretending to fan smoke] "do-you-want-a-big-ger-cock?"

Stephen Fry

What happened to the fireman's pole?

Rob Brydon

He tiled the fireman's bathroom.

Rob Brydon

I'm from the same town as Richard Burton and Anthony Hopkins.

Stephen Fry

And Michael Sheen.

Rob Brydon

And Michael Sheen, of course. In fact, my father grew up in the same street, literally the same street, as Anthony Hopkins.

Stephen Fry

Yeah... In England we live in houses.

Stephen Fry

You know how sometimes it can be too cold to snow, yeah?

Rob Brydon

Is that a question?

Stephen Fry

Yeah. You know how it can be too cold to snow?

Rob Brydon

Yes, because you need some moisture...

Rob Brydon

You really hate me, don’t you?

Alan Davies

You know when you find a bee, and it's crawling on its last legs.

Rob Brydon

I always rescue them.

Alan Davies

You give it honey. It's the only thing they eat, makes sense when you think about it.

Alan Davies

No point in just talking to it. Give it honey!

David Mitchell

They're very much a one-recipe species, aren't they?

Dara Ó Briain

I'm intrigued, because I would, um, I generally give it a sole of my shoe. You know, not to be harsh, but…

Alan Davies

[exasperated] You step on a struggling, crawling bee? Trying to get back to the hive?

Dara Ó Briain

What? As opposed to rehabilitate it?

Alan Davies

I like honey! I have it on my porridge! You murderer!

David Mitchell

[after the argument has gone on for a while] But isn't it true, though, that a bee, in its entire lifetime, makes absolutely tiny amount of honey overall? So you don't have to give much rehabilitating honey to this one bee before the nation, the world, is making a net loss! I mean, it's useless. If you only get one teaspoon of honey from a whole bee's lifetime, and every time you have to get it back on its feet it takes a teaspoon and a half, suddenly there's no honey at all! You're insulting it apart from anything else! It's like showing a very tired mason a whole cathedral!

Stephen Fry

What makes Australian spiders so dangerous?

Rob Brydon

It’s their cunning and their organisation, Stephen. And the fact they’re willing to put the man hours in. They will stalk you for weeks, they’ll look for patterns in your behaviour, and they’ll strike when you least expect it.

Rob Brydon

Friends of mine, back in Wales, quite a few of them have got Welsh - it's not a famous voice but it's a Welsh SatNav, which basically goes, you know -

Stephen Fry

In Welsh language?

Rob Brydon

No, no, no, just with Welsh attitude. Welsh approach to life. Or death. "Turning coming up now in about forty yards, get ready for it. Getting a bit closer now, get ready, here it comes. [with utter disappointment] Ohh, you plank! You've missed it. [bored, motioning with his finger] Now, do a u-ie, do a u-ie. Do it! No - don't - oh, [cynical] pull over, attach a hose pipe to the exhaust and just end it all."