Sandi Toksvig quotes from QI

Sandi Toksvig

Do you know my grandfather had two glass eyes and yet he could see, so he, erm, what happened was, very sad, he lost one eye. He wasn't careless he was ill. And he had a glass eye made that was exactly like his other perfectly working blue Scandinavian eye and then he had one made that was blood shot, and it was known as Granddads Party Eye. And he kept it in a box on a mantelpiece. And when he was going out for the evening, he'd take out the false blue one and put in the blood shot one and he said "I'm going out now and I shan't be back till they match."

Sandi Toksvig

If a Quickfire Hypothetical Round takes a really long time, is it still a quickfire...

Sandi Toksvig

There's a wonderful story about a famous ocean liner captain, and he had a little silver box that he kept in his pocket. And every time before they came into port he'd take out the silver box and look into it. After many years service he finally died and his second in command said "Lets have a look in that silver box". And they opened the box and it said "Port: Left. Starboard: Right."

Sandi Toksvig

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed enjoying a post-coital cigarette. And the chicken turns to the egg and says, "Well, I think we've just answered that question".

Sandi Toksvig

Is it a very old form of economic investment? It's a henge fund.

Sandi Toksvig

I love the idea of a child setting up a lemonade stand "Courtesy of the Kamasutra"

Sandi Toksvig

This is also the country where nine out of ten high-school graduates think Joan of Arc was Noah's wife, so...

Sandi Toksvig

I suffer from a fatal condition Aisling, which is: posh voice, no money.

Sandi Toksvig

[On the subject of feet] I consider them the frayed edges of the body.

Sandi Toksvig

Fantastic experience. As far as I can remember.

Sandi Toksvig

One answer has a klaxon and one does not, that much I can give away.

Sandi Toksvig

People have wine stoppers. What's the point of that?

Sandi Toksvig

The Official Monster Raving Loony Party in this country has proposed the creation of a 99 pence coin to save change.

Sandi Toksvig

I remember I've been in Thailand for three weeks and I found a copy of the Daily Mail and there was this brilliant article in it by Norman Tebbit and he said “I can't be the only person who noticed the rise in serious crime since same-sex-partnerships were brought in.” You can, Norman, you can be the only person.

Sandi Toksvig

Welcome to QI. Tonight [goes “blub blub blub, blub blub blub”] we are setting sail... [Laughter]...I do all me own effects.