David Mitchell quotes from QI

David Mitchell

[in imitation of an outraged right-winger] You don't take an active interest in how your country is run for just forty-five years, and look what happens!

David Mitchell

Fish don't blink. Which is the main eye defence. If you're ever trying to get the eye out of a fish and it blinks... it may be a lion.

David Mitchell

I've heard that and frankly, I don't know why they don't just tell people! "In the unlikely event of the plane crashing, I think we can all agree, you'd like to be identified. Bite down as hard as you can on your own armrest."

David Mitchell

There's one of those adverts that sort of says 'There are more germs on your chopping board than on your loo seat.' To which the answer is, 'well clearly that's fine, then.'

David Mitchell

I really wish they hadn't made the set out of asbestos.

David Mitchell

I think some of my socks are older than I am. I feel like I should defer to them.

David Mitchell

How did they exist in the wild anyway if they're so delicious, slow moving and massively useful?

David Mitchell

We are in trouble as a species if people will refuse to believe in things they couldn't actually do themselves.

David Mitchell

It’s probably quite lucky, isn’t it, that nothing germinates from a discarded kebab. Our city centres would be even worse if these little disgusting saplings with doner meat...

David Mitchell

This programme would be an excellent house of reform. We let all the legislation come before us, we'll fiddle with, hopefully gag it up a bit, send it on to the Queen.

David Mitchell

In a sense all names are made up, aren't they?

David Mitchell

It does taste like water, but a little bit more boring.

David Mitchell

The teeth.

David Mitchell

The fact that they can't go backwards. [looks around confused, then, angrily:] I'm sorry, that takes a bit long to type!

David Mitchell

Every one of those fish has a JustGiving page.

David Mitchell

Edward VII took a lot of mercury.

Stephen Fry

I think he might have done.

David Mitchell

I thought it was for constipation. A very literal way of treating it. Drink a heavy liquid, force the poo down. Alternative would be, stand on your hands and have a lot of helium.