Henry Spencer quotes from Psych

Henry

Nannies are criminally underpaid.

Shawn

Right, 'cause our children are our most precious resources.

Henry

Because children are maddening hellions. A great nanny can make all the difference in the world.

Shawn

We went almost three hours without having an argument.

Henry

It's our best holiday in years.

Henry

What the hell are you guys doing here.

Gus

This is the part where you get blindsided with Plan B. It's kinda fun when it's not happening to me!

Shawn

I'm Shawn. Those are things that my character, Chad, did. I play him on TV. It's Shawn. Shawny. Look into your boy's eyes: it's me, Papa. [puts his hand on Henry's shoulder]

Henry Spencer

[pushes Shawn's hand away] Don't be an idiot. I'm not one of your fans. I barely even like you.

Henry

Should I take her to Crab Shack Willy's or The Third Wharf?

Shawn

Those can't possibly be real places.

Henry

I've been leaving messages on your phone.

Shawn

Yeah, I sort of dropped my phone.

Henry

Well, what'd I tell you about taking care of your stuff?

Shawn

You know what, you're right. First my tricycle out in the yard, now this--I see a pattern developing here.

Shawn

Good talk, Dad. I gotta run. Actually, there is one more thing. Do you think I could borrow your underpants? Just for ten minutes.

Henry

...What?

Shawn

Oh, come on! These are iconic film references I'm making, here!

Henry

We didn't do anything wrong; we didn't break any laws. Oh no! Oh no! What- What did you do Shawn?

Shawn

Nothing. It's just that laws keep changing. It's getting very challenging to keep up with them all. For example, did you know that it is now illegal to give a possum a perm?

Vick

Now, Mr. Spencer.

[together] Yes?

Vick

Oh, I meant the older... Sorry, not old... less...

Shawn

Handsome? Less hair? Less friends on Facebook?

Henry

Less nose...

Henry

I'm a tax-paying, voting citizen, therefore I have a right to speak to any elected official, such as the DA, I please.

Shawn

You don't have to be a... tax-paying voting citizen, do you?

Henry

Well, fooling around with your best friend's sister certainly wasn't your most brilliant idea.

Shawn

No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. [pause] I think I peaked too soon.

Young Shawn

Did you get me a pinata?

Henry

Nope.

Young Shawn

Pepsi challenge?

Henry

Nope.

Young Shawn

Am I being executed?

Henry

Can you even name a famous fireman?

Young Shawn

...Smokey the Bear?

Henry

First of all, Smokey the Bear is not a fireman. Number two, he's not real. Number three, HE'S A BEAR! He takes his poops in the woods, is that what you want?

Henry

I warned you Shawn, fire fighters are trouble. I did everything in my power to keep you off of the pole!

Shawn

And you succeeded dad... in every conceivable way.

Henry

I saw the shooting on television, I been trying to call your cell phone. It keeps going to voicemail. I been worried to death.

Shawn

I... forgot to turn on my phone.

Henry

Gus, let me ask you something. What was the very first thing you did right after the shooting?

Gus

I called my folks to tell them I was okay.

Henry

And what's the first thing he did?

Gus

He ate a banana.

Henry

[to Shawn] You ate a banana?!

Shawn

I sure I did. You know why? Because it makes me think of you, because you're my big old papa monkey.