TV show quotes
Mr. Hackett, i'm going to say this quick, otherwise i'm going to start crying.
Here we go with the tears.
(Quietly) Thank you. We want you to have this money. It's $110.
My jar is $115.
So...This is wonderful. Thank you. Why on earth would you be doing this?
Cut the hero act. We know about the operation.
You do?
Yes. And we want you to be brave and know that we support you.
I can see that.
Are you scared?
A little. Thank you. I love public service.
All right, Johnson, you're next. Get in here!
Sometimes i dream i'm married to Mr. Potatohead...And we live in a 2-bedroom condo in boca raton, florida.
What?!
And i want to be a doctor, but he wants me to stay home and take care of our 5 spuds.
So...Why are you telling me this?
Because it's my deepest, darkest secret. And because i know what's going on. I found this in the goop.
What?! It's not--it's not mine.
"Property of P. Diffy"? Phil, so what? You have 4 toes. You don't have to hide things from me.
Really?
Yeah. You spent the last 3 days lying and acting all weird and throwing tomatoes at me just because of a...Pinky toe?
It does feel kinda good to get my toe off my chest.
(Chuckles) Phil, you're my best friend. Just promise me no more secrets. You and i are on a...100% honesty pact. Deal?
Deal. Wait. Uh, there's...One more thing.
What is it? Don't worry.
(Sighs) The reason i have 4 toes is because where i'm from, everyone does. I grew up over 100 years from now. I'm from the future.
I'm telling you, Maurice. I am loved here. The students are standing in line to hand me jars of money. Which is, of course, what allowed me to upgrade to the 211.
Excuse us, Mr. Hackett, but we wanted to wish you good luck on--what is growing out of your head?
Wait a minute. That's your operation? I busted my hump so you could get a wig?!
It's not a wig. It's the lorenzo lamas.
Uh, no disrespect, Mr. Hackett, but i'm going to have to give my money to a needier charity.
Yeah, ditto. I'm giving mine to the Pim Diffy needs a high-definition TV foundation. You disgust me.
Hey, wait a minute. How am i supposed to pay for this? I mean, Maurice, I can pay for this. Just, you know, maybe not all at once. What are you doing? Don't get quiet on me, Maurice. Don't leave! Maurice? I'm only 1/2 a lamas.
So, we were taking our vacation, visiting the prehistoric era. There were cavemen and dinosaurs, but whatever, my dad had to go back to work. (Sarcastic Chuckle) So, uh, we swing by the french revolution, then headed for home. But our time machine broke down, so, uh, now we're stuck here in your time. According to my dad, if the government found out, we'd be captured...or worse. Uh, if you can hear me, can you nod or something? Just...
Okay, get in here, Diffy. Your turn.
I just wanted my best friend to know the truth about me.
You told her what?! Why?!
I had to. She told me she has dreams about being married to Mr. Potatohead. Look, it's Keely's innermost secret. When she told me that, I realized that it doesn't matter what century you're from. Real friends are truthful with each other, and i need a friend. A real friend.
When this leaks out, there's gonna be news reports and a manhunt! Before you know it, they're going to be busting down our door!
Marmalukes! Do you hear that? They're here!
Hey! Sorry about the racket. Your gate sticks a bit.
Hey, I thought i heard someone at the gate.
Oh, it's just me, Mrs. Diffy. I never officially welcomed you to the neighborhood.
Aw, thank you, Keely. Although we do miss lawrence, kansas, geographical center of the nation.
Save it. Our son spilled the beans.
I'll go pack.
Phil, I don't care if you're from the future. Or from kansas...Or some nut job from...Nutsville. It doesn't matter to me. Whatever secrets you have, they're safe with me.
Thank you. It really means a lot to me. It--It means a lot to us.
Phil, it looks like your new friend might need a ride home.
Really?
Be careful.
Oh, my gosh, Phil, you really are from the future.
It's a skyak. hop on.
Oh, honey, remember our first skyak ride?
I never had a skyak.
Oh, no. This can't be right. According to my organizer, i'm a loser!
Yep. I'm totally free this weekend.
(Grunts) You? You are totally free? Nothing? I find that hard to believe.
Oh! Problem solved! You're going to festapalooza.
How do you know that?
Festapalooza saturday.
I didn't know it was this weekend. There's gonna be, like, 50 bands there.
Festa...Festapalooza! No way! Festapalooza is legendary. Murray Van Peltin stir-fries his guitar on stage. (Imitates Electric Guitar) And then serves it to the needy. It was crazy!
How do you know that?
Huh?
Well, the concert's not till saturday. How would you know what happens?
Um...Phil gets his tenses confused when he's tired. Sometimes he uses the past tense, sometimes he uses the future tense. Sometimes he's just tense.
I'm hoping that murray, you know, stir-fries his guitar...On stage...Because as we know...That would be really good for the needy. So, I wonder how much tickets are?
100 Bucks.
How do you know this?
That guy is good. I could have used him during my ceramics quiz.
Hey, Dad? I'm pretty sure the hoses in this century aren't thought-activated. you gotta actually squeeze the handle.
Thanks a load, Smarty Trousers. See, every day at this time an ill-mannered dog drops by and leaves a fresh present on our lawn. Today, i'm gonna let him know how i feel about that.
Gotcha. So, while we're waiting, my chance i could borrow 100 bucks to see a concert?
Festapalooza, huh?
Yeah, you saw the skywriter?
Yeah, I was trimming my nose hairs in the backyard. I looked in the mirror, and i saw it. I thought it said azoolapatsef. Anyway, sorry, Son. You gotta earn that money on your own.
Aw, nut sticks! He did it again! I hate cleaning up after this hound.
Hey, Dad...I'd be happy to clean it up for you.
Really?
For 100 bucks. 2 bucks?
You got a deal, Mister.
I don't know why people have so many dogs around here. That's what dogs do, you know. Dog...Dog doo. (Laughs)
Pleasure doing business with you.
You, too. Thank you.
No. Thank you. I think you just gave me a great idea.
Uh...Honey!
I got it! I got it! Whoo! Whoo! Hey, Berwick. I'm still not seeing how playing catch with yourself is an olympic sport.
Nana says...That if setting the table was in the olympics, i'd take the gold. Yay! Twistie, twist...
Diffy goes back...
Finished!
To the wall!
Pim!
Whoa! Aah!
Pim! Oh, cloudy skies! I hurt my pimsy!
Nope. i'm good.
Swell, 'cause if you were hurt, you'd have to miss the rest of gym class!
Nope! I'm damaged! Girl down! Girl down!
If it turns out i injured you in any way, i'll never forgive myself!
Whatever. We're out of gym.
I--I--I mean it, Pim. I'll carry your books. I'll hold your food tray. You won't need to lift a finger until that ankle is healed.
Now that you mention it, i'm feeling pretty bad. They may have to helicopter me to one of those fancy ankle hospitals.
Hello? Is--is there any visible blood or nasty ouchies?
Thankfully, no, Nurse Krinsky.
Oh, good. Whew. You know how queasy i get.
Okay, Pim, I have to go to class now. You be strong now, You hear?
It's so hard to be strong when you feel so very week!
What a brave little soldier! (Sniffles)
I hate these x-ray thingies. they give me willies. You're fine. (Sighs) I gotta get another job. You're free to go. I'm sure your friend Debbie will be happy to hear you're okay.
Well, we can't have Debbie happy, now can we?
Why not? Debbie likes to be happy. She put smiley faces on all my tongue depressors.
Oh, isn't that sweet? Mama just hatched herself a plan.
(Struggling on crutches) Sorry i'm late, Teach. I narrowly escaped death.
P.B. and J! I feel horrible! Here, Pim, let me help you to your seat.
No, no. I've got to get the hang of this myself. (Groans) Darnsies! I'm so uncoordinated!
Here, let me get that. Don't you worry about a thing, Pim. Until you're healed, I am at your service.
So, what's this business idea of yours?
All right. What's the one thing that pickford is bustling with?
Tomatoes.
Tomatoes, and...Dogs! Huh? Little ones, big ones, skinny ones, fat ones.
Hairy ones, bald ones, small ones, tall ones. Sorry. I thought we were playing a word game.
And what's the one thing that all dogs have in common?
(Gasps) They...You know. Ugh.
Exactly! At least once a day! And all owners hate to scoop. That's where we come in. We do the job that no one wants to do.
Okay, but can't we offer more service than that?
More service?
Phil! I can't just go to a dog's house and not play with them.
Fine. We are a full-service doggy day care. See, the way i figure it, we can have those festapalooza tickets in a couple of days.
Hey, Guys. I just got my ticket. Oh, are you guys still coming to the concert?
Absolutely. Hey, we just started a doggy scooping business. What to join?
And...I'm out.
It's not just poop! We're full service!
Hey, her loss, right? We're gonna have fun. We'll be our own bosses. We'll be out in the fresh...Almost fresh air! Which reminds me, I actually got Curtis to do some of the dirty work. Hey, C-Man! (Chuckles)
(Speaks Gibberish)
I think it just may be his calling.
Okay. That's close enough.
Is that fluffy enough for you?
Could be fluffier.
Say no more. You need to be relaxed in order to heal. I'll find you the fluffiest pillow of them all!
(Laughs)
Hey, Pim. What happened to you?
Oh, this. Uh...Debbie wants to be a nurse when she grows up, so i let her bandage me. As practice.
Oh, well...that's awfully nice of you.
Helping friends reach their goals...That's why i was put on this earth.
Say, Debbie, What do you think of this ingrown hair i have here?
I think it's cute.
Hey, Debs, You know, all this being in pain is making me thirsty. Score me a root beer, will ya?
Absolutely. Anything you need.
Oh! And now that you mention it, my spanish homework needs doing. Know what i mean, slappy? (Laughs)
This is Mad Max's house. His owner said he'd be locked inside.
Why do you think they call him Mad Max?
'Cause he sells electronics at rock-bottom prices. "Beware Of The Dog." "It's A Big, Mean Dog. Chomp, Chomp."
"I'd Turn Back If I Were You." Good idea.
No! No, you don't.
(Growling) (Snarling)
Hi, Max. You're sure you're not a bear?
Heh.
(Snarling)
Are you a good boy?
(Growling)
Guess Not.
(Snarling)
(Screaming)
(Barking)
Phil, I think he's mad at us.
Hmm. You think? Let me find out. Uh, see, there's a function on my wizard. It interprets animal sounds. What'cha thinking, Max? Huh? You're all bark, right, pal?
(Male Voice) Another move and i'll rip your appendix out and use it as a chew toy. (Growling)
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Phil of the Future pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
