Phil of the Future · Season 1
Come on, pokey. Can you keep up?
Looks like the end of a long run of a father whuppin' his son--but wait! Wait, what's this in my pocket? Oh...
Afterburner? That's cheating!
I can't hear you! Eat my vapor! Whoo! Ha ha!
Cheater!
Who are you callin' cheater? (Laughs)
So when do I get to use the afterburner?
I'm afraid you're not old enough to handle this kind of speed, son! It takes nerve, coordination, and most of all, maturity! Last one home's a doofus-head! Whoo! Ha ha!
What's goin' on?
I'm thinking about takin' one of those old-fashioned road trips, just me and your mom headin' down the highway, wind in our hair, backseat full of snacks.
Oh, rewind. That means you're leaving me home w-w-with...That.
Pim, what do you think you're doing?
Just bustin' stuff.
What do you think you're doing?
Mom and dad are going away for the weekend.
Yes! Pim's home alone!
I'll miss you.
No. You won't be home alone. You'll be with Phil.
And he's in charge.
I'm sorry. My ears are still ringing for some jackhammerin' I was doin' earlier.
You said what, now?
You heard me, Pim. Phil's in charge. he's older, he's more responsible, and he doesn't spend his weekends bustin' up stuff.
But, dad, I--
Pim, we're not gonna talk about this anymore.
Uh, dad, can--can--can we talk about this a little more?
Sure.
See, I don't think that Pim really needs a baby-sitter. I think she needs more a zookeeper.
Son--
No, no. A whole team of zookeepers with muzzles and high-powered hoses and tranquilizer guns.
Okay, okay, here's the deal. I know being in charge is a lot of work, but if you keep a lid on things and you watch your sister and you get your chores done, i'll make it worth your while.
No way.
Yes way. The afterburner. It's yours.
What are you standing around for? Go! Scram! Get packin'. Come on. This weekend's gonna be smooth.
Now, don't forget. There's a list of emergency numbers on the fridge, and here's a list of chores we'd like you to do. Um, rake the leaves, clean out the garage, and do the recycling.
No problemo.
(Growls and Snorts)
Oh, and don't forget to give curtis his B-A-T-H.
Huh?
Oh, you mean his bath.
Heehh! (Muttering Frantically) No take a bath!
Ohh.
Aw, nutsicles. That's why you spelled it.
This is a disaster!
What's the matter?
Lloyd: I can't find the car keys! Everybody fan out! Phil, Pim, you gotta scour the living room. We gotta find these keys. We gotta(Their in his hand)--good work, everybody. So, Barb, you excited about the road trip? You know, I rented a convertable.
"Psyched" isn't the word. "Nervous" is the word.
All right, kids. I love you. We'll see ya.
Love you.
I love you, baby. Be good. Be good.
Bye, mom.
Take care of her.
Honey, can you get that big suitcase for me?
Hey, that--I will call to check in around 4:00. Pim, mind your brother. Ohh, Lloyd, this is yours!
Bye!
Bye, guys! Behave yourself.
So...
So...
Hey, uh, about these chores, there's not many of them, so i'll just do 'em. We cool?
We're cool...
But when i'm done with you, you'll be so cool not even that precious afterburner will be able to warm you up.
Teeyah makkah?
What?!
Teeyah makkah.
Curtis, you're in America now. Speak english.
"Beek engrish."
Tanner, you can't show that video of Phil!
Oh, so this is what this about? Look, Keely, ever since I broke up with you, Phil's been trying to get payback. Now he's the one that's gonna be paying and I'm the one that's gonna be...backing!
Mom says Tanner is a sensitive easy crier.
I have over-productive tear ducts!
Debbie (as Pim's conscience): I'm your conscience!
Don't have one. Wrong house.
Good gravy! What was that?
That was our elephant, Skippy!
We've been marked!
Myron, check your hand!
(Myron checks hand and has the "alien" mark)
Wait... these don't look alien... and they wouldn't have used marker...
Ahh, there's the little woman now.
Little? I wouldn't be tossing around the "L" word if I were you, Thumbelina.
I was thinking let's name him Bradley Benjamin Farmer Jr.
Oh, great. Then his nickname will be Doofus Finkelman Dork-Face Part Two!
New mothers can be so tempermental.
I never told you this, but I've always dreamed of someday becoming a singer.
I thought you wanted to become a cat psycologist?
Oh, that's my cover!
(about Tara) I can't stand her. I wish a building would fall on her! I wish she'd get stung by a fifty-pound bee! I wish a dog would mistake her as a fire hydrant! I wish the U.S. women's soccer team would use her as a ball!
Hey, how about running her over with a steamroller?
Phil, grow up!
Sweet strawberry jam!
Pim (to Phil sarcastically): Dad came to my class today and it was a PARTY!
Excuse me! Oh.
Oh, hey, can I help you with that?
(Southern Accent) Oh, why, thank you! These books are more slippery than a greased pig at a fourth of July picnic.
Hee, yeah. I know what you mean.
I'm Marla Beauregard.
I'm Phil Diffy. Aren't you in, uh...Mr. Ginsberg's english class?
Well, I believe I am. Are you ready for that dreadful midterm he's cooked up for us?
No, I'm not.
Ah. Well, we better get to class. Here, let me take some of those for you.
Oh, my. You're gonna help me carry my books?
Well, if I carried you, people might stare.
(Giggles)
You coming?
Course, Philip. I'd follow you barefoot through a briers patch.
According to experts, one hundred years from now, kids will have no cavities. True or false?
False.
True.
Correct! Okay, next question...
Are you kidding me? I've got a mouth full of cavities. And I've also got the clicker. See ya.
Next up, the bonus round--
Dad, what did I say about doing that?
Pim, you can't lie around the house every day. You need a hobby.
I have one. It's called television viewing.
I don't know what kids do in this century. I guess they...They play their sports, and they do their little music, but you gotta do something. You're not gonna waste your life lying on this couch. Or sitting on this couch.
(Sighs) All right.
For the extended forecast...
Oh, weather network! Oh! Oh, It's raining in Phoenix. (Laughs) Great.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Phil of the Future pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
