Simon quotes from Never Mind the Buzzcocks

Simon

Still very much in the business...oh no, that's not right...err...

Simon

What's that?...

Simon

...what's this? People who used to be on telly ganging up on me?!

Simon

You're right, we pixelated some onions...not a kitten...being chopped to death by Shakira...

Simon

Hello there and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks. [Reading from a paper] "Officially the funniest show on TV right now. Simon Amstell is a competent and witty host, taking the viewer on a whirlwind journey of hilarious pop based comedy. Five stars"....No one's written that...

Simon

Amy's likes include Kelly Osbourne and the smell of petrol. I quite like matches, let's do lunch.

Simon

Overpriced, arrogant, covered in dog poo, and since that tunnel opened, any old tosser with fifty quid can get in. It's Paris!

Simon

[To Amy] It's lovely to have you here. Part of the BBC's new remit: More Jews, less carbon emissions.

Simon

[About Liberty X 'X'] People won't remember this, as people barely remember Liberty X...

Simon

Poverty should have been history by now, lazy Cotton!

Simon

Kurt Cobain is now the top earning dead celebrity. So not Bruce Forsyth. If you're watching that on a repeat...and he is dead...that is inaccurate.

Simon

Robin, John will not be able to help you with this one because tonight he's playing the part of a stereotype.

Simon

We've had a gay man guessing Kylie, a black lady guessing Bob Marley. We are doing nothing to subvert expectations!

Simon

Gays...come here...take our men...

Simon

Lily was expelled from five schools. At 14, she ran away to go to Glastonbury and she pushed pills in Ibiza. Well, I stole my brother's Care Bear, but I don't go on about it. And he's still looking for it. You square!

Simon

I should explain... Steve is a recovering heroin addict.

Simon

Javine was one of the most boring people I've ever interviewed. And I've interviewed Ronan Keating.