A character in Never Mind the Buzzcocks
Played by Simon Amstell
Never Mind the Buzzcocks · 480 quotes
Most-quoted character in Never Mind the Buzzcocks: in 254 of its 480 quotes
Most scenes with: Phill (38), Bill (32), Donny (11)
SimonSo I was in the cinema two weeks ago. Chris Martin from Coldplay walks past me and says, "Hey, you're a cool guy". I said, [In a high pitched voice] "You're cool!"... I felt like he was going to turn around and say, "I've misjudged you...".
SimonI forgot to say, as it's a Christmas special, for every song you don't get right, an orphan gets beaten. Merry Christmas!
SimonCome on people, it's fucking Christmas!
[About Jamelia]
SimonThere seemed to be slight disbelief when I said she went to hospital for laughing to much. People were thinking, "On this show?!" Yes, on this show! I'll give you all hernias!
SimonYou've heard what the other Jew...you've heard what the other Jew...You've heard what the Jew said! Ah, dear. You've heard what the other two judges said...
SimonFrom all of us here, whichever religion you are, remember, only one can be right, so...let's have a war! Happy Christmas!
SimonI should explain to home viewers...this show was recorded in November and we've been assured that Nerina, by now, is famous.
SimonHello there and welcome to Never Mind the Buzzcocks. Well, the world is still at war with itself. There seems to be no end to poverty and hunger. No cure for cancer or AIDS. And that's not to mention the ecological apocalypse we're facing. I don't know about you...but I'm in the mood for a bloody good pop quiz!
Simon[To Donny] I'm sensing you're going to be a peculiar nuisance this evening...
[Simon is showing Philip's calendar full of risqué shots]
SimonAre you at all upset, you know, when you saw the calendar...it was just pictures and none of your teachings?
SimonHang on a minute... Donny is smoking now!?!?! What is he going to do next!?!?! A cigarette! That you can legally buy in shops! I'll try to carry on but I am shocked and appalled!!
Ed If I can't sleep at night, phone me up and tell me that story!
SimonI will phone you...on my Mowbli.
[Ed is a spokesman for Carphone Warehouse, which uses Mowbli as a mascot]
SimonSo, Fyfe, your band is famous for using odd inst-...I say famous...are known...
SimonI never thought I'd be on T.V trying to give Madge an orgasm.
[After a particularly bad joke]
SimonIf you'd like to write jokes for the show, all you need is a crayon.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Never Mind the Buzzcocks pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
