TV show quotes
These are ocean charts. [points] This is where the Delilah was abandoned.
Calafuego. Treasure hunters.
Is that was this is all about? Treasure?
Pirate treasure.
Well this looks like David Jones' Locker.
Davy Jones'. He used to sing with The Monkees.
Real monkeys?
I envy your brain sometimes.
She also put some of Mother's silver in the dishwasher.
Really? [sarcastically]
Wait a minute. You're saying the widow and the stud diver, they... they did it together? [turns to Ziva] Ziva'd you hear that?
Yes.
Yes what?
Yes, I heard the wife did it, Tony! Okay, yes, you are a genius!
Okay, question, where would you hide a lot of money if you were afraid your house could be ceased?
[slaps the table] Not in my house!
Are you ready for the adventure of a lifetime?
It is just a movie, Tony.
How dare you? [puts down popcorn and hands Ziva a drink] Is Mickey just a mouse? Ringling Brothers just a circus?
Yes.
[chuckles] Well, you see, that's why you don't have any friends.
I do have friends!
Really? Then what are you doing with me, watching a movie on a Friday night at work? Huh?
You are my friend.
Really?
No. My date canceled.
Mine, too. [They smile and begin to watch The Black Pirate]
[searching their victim's house, after finding the front door open] Clear, boss!
[Abigail Borin approaches Tony and puts her gun to his back.]
Maybe not totally clear.
Toss the gun. Do it now.
[laughing] Take it easy, sweetheart. Who are you?
I'm not the one breaking and entering.
[approaching Abigail from behind] No, the door was open. Ladies first.
[entering from behind Gibbs] It's turning into a party around here.
Wow. looks a little like Reservoir Dogs, except you're cuter than Harvey Keitel.
[holding up his badge] We're federal agents.
Get his I.D.
[Omagi reaches for Gibbs' badge and Gibbs shakes him off]
Look, don't touch.
NCIS.
[lowering her weapon] Come on, really?
Who are you guys? DEA? FBI?
CGIS.
[chuckling] Coast Guard, boss.
You got a problem with that?
[stops laughing, seriously] No.
Yeah. [head-slaps Omagi] Put the weapon away, Kyle.
Oh yes, ma'am.
That's a nice head slap.
[to Tony and McGee] You know what, you two? I have actually heard of this. You two are having a seven year bitch.
Itch, and yes we are.
You two are like a married couple.
Oh, no they're not. They're still speaking.
Hey, why'd the dead guy cross the road? To get home.
Yeah. You were funnier when you were fatter.
Abby --
No time for smalltalk, Gibbs, there's way too much to tell.
I only said 'Abby', Abby.
Well, now you've said it thrice.
Well, if it isn't T-Cadd.
What?
T-Cadd. It's what I'm calling you guys now. You know, the cute couples contraction? Tom-Kat, Bennifer, Brangelina.
Yeah, we got it McBitter.
You two are wearing the same suit, even. [they smile]
Building security found the body. No blood, it looks like he was dumped. Multiple stab wounds to the back. We've definitely got a fifth victim.
Wounds on his arm, chest. This guy wasn't easy to take out.
He put up a fight.
Killer had to be strong, we're probably looking for a male.
Or Ziva. [they laugh]
Wait. Could you give McGee my hug today, because he really needs one.
[looks oddly at McGee]
[shakes his head] I'm good boss, thanks. [Gibbs turns around and leaves] [McGee gives Abby a look as she laughs]
You're annoying!
You're juvenile!
Hey, they're showing a restored print of Road Warrior in Norfolk on Friday, you want to go?
[imitating Humungus] "Just walk away. I'll spare your lives for that tank of gas." [McCadden laughs.] Humungus. Yes, we're going!
It's gnarly, dude.
Yeah, for real.
Words, use 'em. Helpful words.
We were sleeping in our van, yo, right. We heard bam, bam, boom, boom, crack, crack.
Gunshots, dude. That's what I said. I was like, dude, gunshots. [turns to look at friend] Right?
So you're saying there were six gunshots?
No, two gunshots. But there was like an echo and he was like, dude don't look and I was like dude were looking.
Yeah, and then, then we like peeked through the windows and we saw two dudes drive off in a black Lincoln.
Two? You sure there's two, it wasn't an echo?
Yep, two dudes.
Two dudes.
McGee would know. Head shots are his specialty.
What?
He's referring to a videogame he's been playing way too much.
Ah.
What's this surprising bit of editorializing coming from the once and future king of dorkland?
Hey, I now have a girlfriend.
The king is dead. [gripping McGee's shoulder] Long live the king.
It wasn't sand sand, like good sand. It was bad sand. Very bad sand. It made me break out in red welts.
It wasn't the sand, Mr. Palmer, but the sand mite.
The sand might what?
The sand mite bit you.
Sand bites?
Well, sand mites might bite.
I'm grammatically lost.
But medically found. The tiny crustacean known as the mite. M-i-t-e.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
