Abby: Ducky found tissue underneath our victim's fingernails. Most likely from the killer. I ran the DNA, no matches.
Gibbs: Doesn't sound much like a breakthrough.
Abby: Well, it's not, but it is helpful because all military DNA is on file.
Gibbs: Just means our killer wasn't in the military.
Abby: Uggh... Rules out Director Vance.

Abby: Hi, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hey, Abs.
Abby: Hi, Gibbs.
Gibbs: Hey, Abs.
Abby: Can I come in?
Gibbs: Yeah. You already are in.
Abby: Oh, right. Okay. It was nice talking to you.
Gibbs: Abs. Why are you here?
Abby: You know why I'm here. I matched the bullet in Pedro Martinez's head to your sniper rifle. You killed him. In cold blood. I mean, I know what he did, Gibbs. He killed your wife and your daughter, but Gibbs.
Gibbs: I know.
Abby: Gibbs doesn't do things like that, or does he? Now I don't know. I don't know anything. The only thing that I do know is that I didn't find this out by accident.
Gibbs: Rule forty.
Abby: If it seems like someone is out to get you, they are. You have no idea how much I wish it was yesterday. Maybe if I could just close my eyes and open them again it will be. [crosses her fingers and closes her eyes, only to open them in dismay] Do you realize the situation that I'm in now?
Gibbs: Yeah, I know.
Abby: Do you understand the choice that I have to make now?
Gibbs: I know.
Abby: Stop saying I know!
Gibbs: What do you want me to say?
Abby: Tell me I'm wrong! Tell me that I made a mistake with the ballistics or --
Gibbs: No. No, I can't say that.
Abby: Then tell me how much I've been like a daughter to you, and how much you love me.
Gibbs: Will that help?
Abby: No. What I really need to know, Gibbs, is if you're going to love me no matter what.

Abby: I finally IDed the tire tracks to the SwiftCast getaway car. I got the make and model. It only took me 72 times longer than it usually does. How did people survive before there was pattern recognizing sparse representation algorithms?

Abby: I only take orders from one person: Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs. Unless he asks me to do it, it doesn't get done!
Sportelli: I think that's going to change, honey!
Abby: Gibbs! Make this awful man go away!

Abby: If Major Mass Spec were a guy, I would totally marry him and bear his little Mini Mass children.

Abby: Since when did I become the kid in class that the teacher won't call on? The evidence in my report says that you killed Pedro Hernandez, and you're not even willing to talk to me about it.
Gibbs: I didn't think I needed to.
Abby: I owe you everything! You're Gibbs! No one needs to know the truth about the Hernandez investigation. I am willing to do anything for you. I just need you to tell me what to do.
Gibbs: No you don't, Abs. I've only ever needed you to do one thing.
Abby: My job. But it's different this time. I mean, it has to be, right?
Gibbs: No, it doesn't.

Abby: This guy was a genius! He chronicled all his exploits on his phone. It's like a master's course! Six hundred pizzas delivered to the battalion CP. He reassembled a Humvee inside the officer's club. If only I had the appropriate time and space to use the bounty of ideas in front of me.
Gibbs: The case, Abbs. The case.

Abby: Wait. Could you give McGee my hug today, because he really needs one.
Gibbs: [looks oddly at McGee]
McGee: [shakes his head] I'm good boss, thanks. [Gibbs turns around and leaves] [McGee gives Abby a look as she laughs]

Abby: Well, wouldn't Susan know? She was there, right? Are you guys sure that we can trust her, because I am not.
Ducky: And why, may I ask, is that?
Tony: C'mon, Ducky. Everyone knows that Susan's taken a little shine to McGee.
[Ziva punches Tony in the stomach and he groans]
Abby: That has nothing to do with it. McGee, he's a capable investigator, but when it comes to matters of the heart he can be a bit... naive.
Ziva: Are you... talking from experience?
Abby: That's classified. Just think about his last girlfriend. She tried to kill him!
Tony: Oh, I get it. You're trying to cover McGee like a protective hen.
Ducky: Or an overprotective panther.
Abby: [shrugs uncomfortably] Okay... If Susan can't tell you who lucky number eleven is, I can. Just keep her out of my hair.

Abby: What are you hiding? [Gibbs pulls a Caf-Pow! from behind his back] Oh, no! It's too late, I can't! [pulls a NoCaf-Pow! from behind his back] Gibbs, you are an enabler and I love you for it!

Abby: What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your -- I'm ready, sir.
Gibbs: [hands over a phone] Turn this into pictures.
Abby: I thought you were going to give me something hard! So, what are you bringing to Ducky's dinner?
Gibbs: Not sure I'm going.
Abby: What do you mean you're not going?! Who's going to carve the turkey? Who's going to watch the game with me? Who's going to eat too much pie?!

Abby: You guys are going to Mexico! What's the plan?
Tony: What do you know, Abs?
Abby: Gibbs mentioned rule forty.
Tony: If you think someone's out to get you, they are?
Ziva: I have never heard of a rule in the forties.
Tony: They don't come up very often.
Abby: And that's a good thing.
Ziva: How many times have I told Gibbs to write these things down?!
Tony: You don't have to write them down, they're for daily use, most of the rules, but the forties --
Abby: The forties. The forties are for emergency use only.
Tony: If the forties are in play something unspeakably bad is going down.
Ziva: We have to get him back.
Season 8

Agent Grady: You have to catch them! Now! Like, right now.
Tony: We're working on it.
Ziva: We have hit a shamu.
Grady: Does she mean snafu?
Tony: Roll with it.
[Tony and Ziva enter the squadroom and see Palmer without his shirt on, and a rash erupting around his henna tattoo]

DiNozzo, Sr.: What's on your mind?
Gibbs: Your son.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's junior done now?
Gibbs: Tony likes to hide behind the face of a clown, but he's the best young agent I've ever worked with.
DiNozzo, Sr.: Well, I'm glad to hear that.
Gibbs: When was the last time you talked to him? I mean really talked to him.
DiNozzo, Sr.: We keep in touch.
Gibbs: Four years ago your son came very close to dying from pneumonic plague. I expected to see you. You didn't show then. Why are you here now?
DiNozzo, Sr.: He never told me he was sick.
Gibbs: Oh, so you don't keep in touch.
DiNozzo, Sr.: What's your point?
Gibbs: Tony inherited his personality from you, but I get the feeling there's a lot about your life you don't share.

Director Vance: State Department has appointed Ms.Hart to be Alejandro's legal counsel for the task force.
Gibbs: Of course they did.
Alejandro Rivera: I met Allison in Mexico City. We work well together.
Allison Hart: Alejandro was very helpful in my securing Colonel Bell's release from prison.
Gibbs: Maybe we shouldn't be cooperating, Leon.