NCIS quotes

1049 total quotes



Abby: [while watching video of a terrorists van] Are we submitting to the Sundance Film Festival?
Tony: Yeah, best terrorist film category.
Abby: Sweet.

Abby: Don't be silly, ATF lady.

Abby: Hey Gibbs. Do you have any fetishes?
Gibbs: I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.

Abby: I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon.
Gibbs: OK, stop.

Abby: I don't know. Guys have all sorts of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date just so he can be pumped.
Gibbs: Does Tony know that you know?
Abby: Does Tony know that you know?

Abby: My cursor has moved across places that would make Tony blush.

Abby: Not unless he grew up in Dorkville.
Gibbs: Grew up just west of there.

Abby: Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.
[Later on in the investigation]
Abby: Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.
Gibbs: How much did all this power cost us?
Abby: Around fifteen hundred.
Gibbs: Fifteen hundred DOLLARS???

Abby: Sailor on the half-shell!
Ducky: Oh, Abby, please...
Abby: Sorry.

Abby: So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.
Gibbs: Do I look like DiNozzo?
Tony: Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.
Abby: Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.
Tony: You have a chastity belt?
Gibbs: So much more information than I need to know about Abby.

Abby: Something's wrong. The files are too big.
Ducky: [chuckles] Not just the files.

Abby: Stained glass. That's very spiritual, Gibbs.

Abby: Sulfuric Acid. That'd chew the shine off a trailer hitch.
Kate: How'd you get into this?
Abby: I filled out an application.
[Later]
Kate: How'd you get into NCIS?
Tony: I smiled.

Abby: That's what I love about you, Gibbs, always one finger ahead.

Abby: The car that hit Gordon was definitely a Taurus.
Gibbs: You're positive?
Abby: Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable.