NCIS · Season 1
We're LEO's.
Ah, I'm a Capricorn.
LEO, short for Law Enforcement Officer.
Are you... new at this, Dennis?
First week! [checks their papers] N-C-I-S. Never heard of it.
[to Tony] Now that's embarrassing.
NCIS? That anything like CSI?
Only if you're dyslexic.
Gibbs, the pilot won't take off until the Secret Service chick gives us the... [sees Kate with Gibbs] ... thumbs up.
I think that just made it my team.
No, means I'm gonna have to hijack Air Force One. Tony, escort Agent Todd off this aircraft and close the hatch.
You're not serious! Wait. Fine. Your team. But just because I don't want to have to delay us any further by having to shoot you.
Excuse me. You'll need to stand clear so I can take measurements for my crime scene sketches. Thanks.
Sketches? You've taken a dozen photos.
[Picks up a men's magazine] Tell me her measurements.
You're pathetic.
No, I'm serious. Can you tell if she's 5'4 and a 34C or 5'7 and a 36D? You can't. Not from a photo. That's why we do sketches and take measurements. Thanks.
[Later]
I thought your photo analysis was brilliant, Tony, but isn't 36D a bit of wishful thinking?
You think?
NCIS does not leak. These plans get out... you can shoot DiNozzo.
No, I think I'm destined to shoot you.
Rule Number One: Never let suspects stay together.
Rule Number Two: Always wear gloves at a crime scene.
Rule Number Three: Don't believe what you're told. Always double check.
Should I write these rules on my Palm Pilot, or crochet them on pillows?
What are you going to do while I test for poison in a health snack?
I'll wait.
There's a futon under the desk.
Bless you.
What are you, my priest?
Curse you?
[to Todd] You mind if I tag along? Please?
Wow, Gibbs said please!
You enjoyed playing my boss?
I did rather.
Agent Caitlin "Kate" Todd began the first episode as an agent with the United States Secret Service. A navy officer died while on board Air Force One and she was the Special Agent in Charge. Todd resigned the Secret Service at the end of the first episode and in the second episode joined NCIS.
Kate. (she takes gum) When's the President returning?
Uh, tomorrow. Noon. I'm flying back tonight to rejoin the detail.
Mind if I tag along?
Kate waffles.
(childishly) Please?
(smiling smugly) You can. Your Sig Sauer can't. We have a rule: no weapons on Air Force One unless they're Secret Service. Kate pops the gum in her mouth. Gibbs shrugs and takes off his sidearm, tucking it away in a drawer. He puts on his coat and follows Kate out.
(to Ducky and Abby as he passes) Keep looking.
(amused) Wow. Gibbs said "please".
Okay you can be on my team!
Your team? Why should you have lead on the investigation?
Well...I do believe this is a dead naval officer!
Who died on Air Force One after having lunch with the President...it's my job to protect!
Have you ever worked a crime scene?
I am in the Secret Service!
I thought so.
Well, don't dismiss me like that! I mean I earned my jock strap!
Yeah? Did it ever give you that empty feeling?
What?
(subtle flirting) Your jock strap!
(smiling) No! Like some species of frog (subtle flirting) I grow what I need!
How long to find the acid and check out the rest of the chutes?
Well, I'm flying solo, so at least a day.
Go faster if you had an assistant?
Definitely.
Okay, you got the job.
I get to do forensics?
No, you get to schlep for Abby. She gets to do forensics.
Why didn't you take this fast to me, Abby?
You're like a piercing, Tony, it takes awhile for the throbbing to stop and for the skin to grow back.
Well, that's more than I wanted to know.
Sulfuric Acid. That'd chew the shine off a trailer hitch.
How'd you get into this?
I filled out an application.
[Later]
How'd you get into NCIS?
I smiled.
What's your chute number?
Four.
Four's unlucky in China.
We're not in China.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
