NCIS quotes

All right. She's a triple digit ride, big old pumpkins in there, but don't get tempted. We gotta get on the big slab and you stay to the granny lane and you keep it under the double nickel, even while you're runnin' deadhead. And bird dog on the dash so you don't get shot in the back by bears, you got it?

10-4.

All right, lets roll!

Hey, we gotta pit stop. [Zwed turns around and looks at Werth]

Three quarters of a tank... I don't like to take chances.

GPS tracking puts them in Front Royal in a few hours.

Let's make it quick.

Ziva

Umm, what language was that?

He says she's fast, but not to push her, even when we're drivin' empty. And to uh, watch out for cops.

Ziva

So the truck is a she?

Let's go rob someone.

Gibbs

What happened to your face?

What happened to your arm?

Gibbs

The job.

Same.

Ducky

A mutual saving of a life is a powerful bond. [chuckles and points to Gibbs and Fornell] As evidenced by the two of you.

[to Gibbs] Oh, is that why we're friends?

Gibbs

It's more like shared misery.

God knows you've got enough to go around.

Gibbs

Hey! I'm a happy guy.

Since when?

Gibbs

You don't know what I've been doing. I haven't seen you in months.

Whose fault is that? You only call when you need something.

Gibbs

Well, apparently when I need grief.

Tony

All right, McNosy, what do you got?

McGee

From what I can gather, Gibbs and JoAnn Fielding are very estranged.

Ziva

The woman lost her daughter and granddaughter. Now her fiancé died in her arms and her former son-in-law is investigating! Show some sympathy!

Tony

Maybe she's cursed! Like a Kennedy!

McGee

Minus the grassy knoll.

Ziva

I heard about that! The shooter was really in the book suppository!

Tony

Depository.

Ziva

That's what I said.

Gibbs

Ooh. It smells like a French whorehouse in here.

Palmer

[referring to his new cologne] That's me.

Gibbs

What are you trying to do, Palmer? Raise the dead?

Abby

If Major Mass Spec were a guy, I would totally marry him and bear his little Mini Mass children.

Tony

You want to learn about being a real man, McGee, you've got to study the Japanese samurai. These guys are like Gibbs, with even bigger stones and less to say.

McGee

Is that even possible?

Tony

Aren't you hot?

Ziva

[smirks] I've been told that before.

Tony

I'm talking about temperature!

Ziva

Stop complaining. This is what winter feels like in Israel.

Tony

Well, we're not in Israel. We're in the good, old U.S. of A, my little immigrant friend, where we like to embrace central air, not melanoma.

Ziva

Hey, any of you notice something different about Ducky?

McGee

Yeah, he has seemed awfully chipper as of late.

Tony

Ducky does seem plucky. No one loves rain in D.C.

Ziva

No, his ties! He's been wearing tie ties, not his bow ties.

Tony

Wow. That's very observant.

Tony

You ever been married, doc?

Twice, but never at the same time.

McGee

I built an application for my phone.

Tony

Why is that important to what we're doing here?

McGee

With a vehicle's VIN number, you can access all the vehicle's pertinent information, including key and remote codes. Hack into a database, download all the codes, and there it is.

Tony

Wow. I'm glad that MIT education paid off for something, McGeek.

McGee

It is pretty super, isn't it?

Tony

I don't believe you.

McGee

Yeah, I'm not going to unlock the door for you, Tony.

Tony

Well, I don't think you could unlock the door, because if you could you'd prove it to me by doing it.

McGee

Uh, no --

Tony

[snatches phone and unlocks door] You should patent that.

Ziva

I found candy leftover from Valentine's day.

Tony

Candy from who?

Ziva

Why does it matter?

Tony

It matters because you didn't eat it and so that person must not mean very much to you. It means something!

Ziva

It means nothing.

Tony

Well I'm glad I wasn't your valentine.

Ziva

So am I!

Gibbs

I wanted to see how Jensen lived.

Tony

It says a lot about a man. Take your house for instance: clean, no nonsense, stoic.

Gibbs

Stoic? My house is stoic?

Tony

Understated, then?

Gibbs

I planted some roses last weekend. Red ones. Are red roses stoic?

Tony

Well, they're prickly and thorny.

Ziva

What is CGIS?

McGee

Coast Guard Investigative Service.

Ziva

The Coast Guard has an investigative branch?

McGee

Well, they're smaller than us, but with a wider law enforcement reach.

Ziva

But it is the Coast Guard!

Tony

Whoa, whoa. No need to get uppity. Yes, Virginia, there is a CGIS.

McGee

Now they may not have our track record, or our je ne sais quoi, but they are our legitimate sibling.

Tony

Like Corky in Life Goes On.

Oh my god, I can't believe he's dead!

McGee

What was your relationship with the deceased?

You mean he's deceased, too?