Anyone, and I mean anyone, know when the air conditioner is getting fixed? What about the name of the genius who invented windows that don't open? Like, what are we on - a space ship? Windows should open!
“See No Evil” · Season 2, Episode 1
In this episode: Leroy Jethro Gibbs (9), Timothy McGee (9), Tony DiNozzo (8), Kate Todd (7), Abby Sciuto (6), Ducky Mallard (1), Jimmy Palmer (1)
[McGee has been working on the NCIS computer network by himself, despite having no orders to do so.]
You have any idea where thinking like this is going to lead you?
Yeah, do you, McGee?
Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony. It looks like he could use a workout.
[After Gibbs, and an irritated Tony leave]
Don't let him intimidate you, McGee, that's my job today.
[smashing cell phone on desk] God, I hate this thing! It's crap!
There's a secretary from the Pentagon downstairs and she claims her boss is being held hostage by his computer.
See? [holds up smashed phone] There's a reason I didn't trust these things. [tosses it to McGee] Here, reboot that or something. [to Kate] Send her up.
Reboot it?
Or you can do what we always do.
[Tony pulls a box out of a filing cabinet drawer filled with new, unopened phones and hands it to McGee]
It's his third one this month.
[Later on]
[as her computer fizzles and crashes] NO! NO, NO, NO,... My baby just french-fried!
System's over-heated.
So reboot it.
Believe it or not, Gibbs, not all computer problems can be solved by rebooting.
[brightly, holding up cell phone] Works for me.
McGee, can't you tell when someone's kidding with you?
I used to and then I met you guys.
Delivery complete.
That's good work, Tony.
Thanks, Boss. That means a lot.
If NCIS doesn't work out I hear General Wee's Chinese Restaurant is hiring.
Face it, McGee. We are doomed.
Gibbs can't really expect us to hack into the Pentagon in a single afternoon!
Yeah, he can.
You're right, we are doomed.
McGee, where are you going?
Uh, Norfolk.
Well, I got some good news, and some bad news for you. You've just been promoted. [holds up envelope with McGee's promotion] To a full-time field agent.
Really? That's incredible! What's-
You belong to me now.
[After he leaves]
Congratulations!
Yeah, what she said.
So, I-I'm one of you guys now, right? No more hazing?
KTKate and Tony
Sure.
Well, I-I just want to say that I never took it personal and I--
[Kate and Tony both head-slap McGee]
You know I could really get used to that.
[slams a portable fan onto his desk] Anyone, and I mean anyone, know when the air conditioner is getting fixed? What about the name of the genius who invented windows that don't open? Like, what are we on, a space ship? Windows should open!
[checks him out admiringly] Ooh! Have you been working out?
All summer long. Thanks for finally noticing!
No. I meant right now. 'Cause you're sweating like a pig and it's not very... [whispers] attractive!
[She sits down... and jumps up with a shriek when she realizes McGee is under her desk.]
[awkwardly] Morning, Agent Todd!
McGee...
Yeah?
You have two seconds to tell me what you're doing down there!
I'm upgrading the computer system, and, uh...
Time's up!
[She hauls him to his feet by his ears.]
N...n...no! I wasn't looking! Ahh! I wasn't looking!
[walking in] Tony, Did I just see what I thought I saw?
Um, out of respect for my co-workers, I'd have to say "yes, you did" and it's kind of disturbing.
I agree. Put your damn shirt on! This is a federal office building, not a gym! [notices McGee] Damn it, McGee, why are you still here?
The air conditioner's been turned off and it won't get turned on 'till the network's back on.
And you think it's acceptable to be crawling around all day, by yourself?
I just wanted it fixed before I returned to Norfolk.
You have any idea where thinking like this is going to lead you?
Yeah, do you, McGee?
Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony. It looks like he could use a workout.
[McGee notices Tony's death stare.]
It's not that hard, so I'll probably do it myself.
Good answer!
Don't let him intimidate you, McGee. That's my job today.
[Her phone rinks and she snatches it.]
Agent Todd!
[to Tony] I didn't look!
Oh, I believe you. But let me ask you this... is she a pantyhose or a thong girl? 'Cause I'm thinking thong... [winces as Kate elbows him in the gut]
[as her computer fizzles and crashes] NO! NO, NO, NO,... My baby just french-fried!
System's over-heated.
So reboot it.
Believe it or not, Gibbs, not all computer problems can be solved by rebooting.
[brightly, holding up cell phone] Works for me.
Even if it does. It's gonna take like an hour for mine to cool down!
And without air conditioning it'll happen again!
So take it somewhere cooler!
Where? The whole building is like an illegal sweat-shop!
Not the whole building Abs!
Kate, take McGee and search the Watsons' house. DiNozzo, I want everything there is on Watson and his family by the time I get back. [takes his SIG out and walks to elevator]
Where are you going Boss?
To talk to Capt Watson.
Wait, Gibbs, if they're watching him...
I'll make sure they don't notice!
[to Tony] That is not a good call.
[nonchalantly] Relax. You think Gibbs keeps that haircut to save on shampoo?
Face it, McGee. We are doomed.
Gibbs can't really expect us to hack into the Pentagon in a single afternoon!
Yeah, he can.
You're right, we are doomed.
We have to call DOD and hope they'll let us in without severing the connection!
Unless! What if the trojan isn't system wide? If it was then...
He wouldn't need...
Watson to do it for him! That means that he can't access the rest of the network!
(stares at the computer screen) We've been trying to hack the wrong place!
Okay checking for outside links! Yes we've got multiple incoming packets! And we're varying the Doomsday Trojan!
(flirting) I love it when you talk geek!
(flirting) I love it that you love it!
I'll be sure to mention that to Captain Watson...right after we're done burying his family!
I would seriously hold off on those funeral arrangements Gibbs! The reason we're so excited is...
We've hacked into Watson's computer...
And we should be able to back-trace the connection as soon as (sees the image distort) No, no (starts typing frantically) No! (as the screen goes black) Aah! (Gibbs looks confused) My baby just french-fried!
(to an even more confused Gibbs) The system's overheated!
So just re-boot it!
(puts her head in her hands) Believe it or not Gibbs...But not all computer problems can be solved by re-booting!
(holds up a new phone and says brightly) Works for me! (McGee looks terrified of what could happen if Gibbs realises the scam Kate and DiNozzo have been pulling on him.)
Even if it does. It'll take like at least an hour for mine to cool down!
And with out air-conditioning it'll happen again!
So take it somewhere cooler
Where? The whole building is like an illegal sweatshop!
(smiling) Not the whole building Abs!
Can I trouble you for the left ear, Mr. Palmer?
Uh (holds the ear to his left ear to make sure it's the same one) One left ear coming up!
Huh.
What?
That's odd!
What? It's not the left ear!
It's the left just not the right left...so to speak!
But that would mean...
Three bodies! (Jimmy sighs in annoyance and pushes the drawer shut) Time to start another table!
Hey Ducky! My computer died! We need somewhere cooler to set up shop!
(looking at the meat puzzle on the tables) Well we're a little short on space for the moment Abigail but you can use 107! (opens the drawer to find a cadaver still in there) Definately not 107! His relatives were supposed to arrange for him to be taken back last week! Uh...Will this do?
Perfect!
Oh can I give you a hand?
(sees the blood) Uh, no.
(walking up the front path with McGee in tow then notices the sweater) They either left in a hurry. Or were forced to!
How do you know she just didn't leave it there?
(looks at McGee like he's gone crazy) Because she's a little girl, McGee! (then says the stereotype of a boy) They're not typically slobs!
Remind me to introduce you to my little sister!
(using a Gibbs comeback) What was that?
(scared out of his wits) Nothing Agent Todd!
(yelling as Tony winces) Okay Gibbs, your mic is coming in loud and clear! Who's that in the office with him?(jokes) The Devil?
Hey, hey, hey, hey! (signs something to her)
(signs "sorry")
You know? Seeing as no-one in this room is actually deaf that is really annoying!
What can you tell me about the voice?
It sounds like this particle physicist I used to date! He had these tiny little chiglet-like teeth and an Eiffel Tower tattoo!
(shakes the Caf-Pow) Do you want this Abby or not?
Okay! Obviously it's being disguised! I think I can filter it back to it's original state!
You think?
VMVoice Masked
(really high-pitched) "she is a little beauty, she is a little beauty"!
Yeah! Okay I'll get that APB out on the lollipop guild!
Patience Tony!
VMVoice Masked
(really slow and low) "little Beauty"
VUVoice Unmasked
"He was right about one thing, she is a little beauty"
Not bad! (passes her the Caf-Pow)
Thank you Gibbs!
Next thing I need you to do is hack into Captain Watson's computer!
(chokes on her Caf-Pow) Gibbs! We're talking about the Pentagon here! Even their encryptions have encryptions!
Yeah? That dirt-bag somehow managed it!
it probably took him months! Our best bet is to ask the DOD for access to their system!
No, cause the first thing they'll do is sever the connection! And if that happens, we'll end up with two dead dependants!
I don't think I can do it!
Tony. Get McGee on the hook!
(fighting her emotions grabs his phone) No! (moving out of his reach) I'll get in!
Yeah?
Yeah!
I believe you!
(after Gibbs has walked out he turns the phone off) When has Gibbs been wrong before?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.