Hey DiNozzo, kinda reminds me of your apartment, except for that minty fresh urine smell.
Hey for your information I have a maid now.
You can afford a maid?
It's amazing what you can do when you don't have to pay three alimonies.
“One Shot, One Kill” · Season 1, Episode 13
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (9), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (8), Kate Todd (7), Ducky Mallard (2), Abby Sciuto (1)
[on Gibbs] You think his recruiter told him a fast one?
I doubt it.
Why?
Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs and getting away with it?
This kid wanted to be a paramedic - Sgt. Alvarez told him the Marine Corps would "train him to save lives."
What's wrong with that?
The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
They're all Navy.
Technically it is true, Marines do save lives. Mostly through the use of superior firepower.
Can we hurry it up? I don't think Gunnery Sergeant Alvarez would appreciate being seen like this.
You knew the man?
[deadpan] No.
[to corpse] If it's any consolation, Gunny, Gibbs is the absolute best we've got.
[speaking to corpse] That's the problem today isn't it. The technological advances of the so-called internet generation, with their MP3 players, their iPods and video games, spinning themselves into a self-induced state of attention deficit disorder, barely absorbing one cluster of information before the next one strikes their fancy.
You think he'd let me borrow his uniform for a weekend?
I don't know. I just hope I'm there when you ask him.
[Inside Abby's lab]
Why are all these dolls naked?
Don't look at me, Boss. Must be a goth thing.
Got something for ya! (dumps folders in front of Kate)
(sarcastically) Okay...what is it!
Eight years of Sgt. Alvarez's files. Sorted into category!
Which are?
Gonna leave that part up to you!
Oh, Come on Gibbs! At least tell me what i'm looking for!
The same thing we're all looking for Kate! (walks out) A murderer!
(dumps her pen on her desk) Why didn't I take the damn dolls!
(as she is watching Tony try and use chopsticks) Relax your hand or you're never gonna get it in your mouth!
(as another bundle of noodles slip out of the chopsticks) I'm trying but the thing's too damn slippery!
Never gonna impress a girl that way!
Oh Whatever! Just the next time we do this Kate make sure they (drops more noodles) don't forget the forks! (Kate smiles as she successfully puts noodles in her mouth) No-one like a show-off! (after he fails again at eating noodles) Okay. Screw this! You got any soup? (Kate passes it over carefully as it's hot) Ah...thanks!
(getting out the elevator) That had better not be mine, DiNozzo!
(freezes) Gibbs ordered soup? (glares silently at Kate who nods smugly) Great! (as Gibbs glares at him) If it's any consolation it's not very good!
(stares at the noodles) Whose chow mein?
(with noodles in her mouth) Tony's!
(takes the box) Good!
Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands still have an ounce of adrenaline left.
Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.
It would help if the investigators didn't puke all over it.
Brings back memories.
Memories of what?
Marriage.
You're not the only one who knows how to profile.
Maybe. But with that haircut you wouldn't pass for an ROTC student. [smiles at Tony]
[Tony is undercover as an electrician installing sensor bugs in the electric poles for the undercover operation]
Gibbs gets dress blue charlies. I look like one of the Village People.
[via Tony's earpiece] [laughs] Maybe you can find a local cop and get a dance routine going.
Major, your mission is to protect our country. Our mission right now is to protect you and your Marines. Allow us the honor of doing our job.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.