[Describing a carpet] Looks like sisal. It's a naturally stiff fiber woven from the leaf of the cactus plant. It doesn't matt, trap dust, build static, makes it ideal for carpeting. Personally, I prefer a good shag. [stares from everyone, while Palmer grins widely] From a purely forensic standpoint, I mean.
“Dead And Unburied” · Season 4, Episode 5
In this episode: Tony DiNozzo (7), Leroy Jethro Gibbs (6), Ziva David (5), Timothy McGee (5), Ducky Mallard (3), Abby Sciuto (2)
We [he and McGee] watched the sunrise together. It was very Brokeback Mountain.
He had me at "howdy."
[gasps] You shaved your mustache! I liked you with a little hair on your face.
I've still got my eyebrows.
Good point.
RRick
What's going on? Hey! Hey! Stop pointing the gun at my wife!
She tried to rat on us.
She means rabbit.
Rabbit, yes!
JJody
...and I can only think of one explanation. It was the hand of God!
[to Tony] Can Gibbs arrest God?
I don't know. It's like The Thing trying to bring in The Hulk.
JJody
I come from a good Catholic family! When we swear to God, we mean it!
[McGee is photographing the victim and accidentally runs into Palmer]
There's no rush gentlemen, our patient isn't going anywhere.
I dunno Ducky, the old Gibbs is back.
The "old" Gibbs?
[enters the room] McGee, over here. Hands and knees. On the floor.
[goes down on all fours] Okay, um, you're not gonna step on me are you?
It's an odd decorating choice, although the corpse does give the place a certain lived-in look.
Much better. Before I smelled like dirt and sweat. Now I smell like dirt, sweat..[looks at bottle label]...and sandalwood.
[enters building] Good morning! [spots Tony at her desk] What are you doing at my desk?
Couldn't find my deodorant so I used yours.
No you didn't.
Yeah we're partners. What's the big deal?
A hair! [throws bottle into her trashcan]
Come on. You attach electrodes to men's testicles and you're getting squeamish about a hair? I'm not gonna feel bad. Those ground radar techs didn't show 'till dawn. McGee and I watched the sunrise together. It was very Brokeback Mountain.
He had me at "howdy."
How romantic. I'm sorry I missed it.
You see this fracture?
Well yeah, you're pointing right at it.
It's ok. I'm sure you find other things beautiful.
Like Gibbs breaking up a chic-fight?
I can't believe I missed that!
I've got good news. Guess what is now playing on McGee TV.
[Shows video to Abby on his cellphone]
[...]
This is my favorite part.
[Gibbs enters the lab unnoticed]
Which part?
Why would someone unbury a body? I can answer that. To send a message. Like, hi I'm dead. Never get engaged to two women at the same time.
Shooting someone in broad daylight is just dumb.
You're not thinking like a jealous woman, Ziva.
What does your gut tell you Boss?
[typing at his computer, nods to McGee] Take your shirt off.
Here we go.
[stares at Gibbs] I know it's kinda messy...
Your shirt McGee. Take it off, now.
[McGee takes his bloodied shirt off and puts it into the evidence bag while Tony and Ziva smirk]
Take it down to Abby. [McGee stares at him] Or would you rather wait for a search warrant?
Rebecca's DNA [desperately to Tony] Can I borrow one of your shirts?
[smiles at him] You're afraid all that white might burn out Abby's corneas?
Do not make me walk around like a sold date. Come on, help me out.
All right. I can't resist a damsel in distress. [takes shirt off and hands it to McGee] Here, take this. I'll get a fresh one.
[smirking from her desk] Wow. It's just like Chippendales. Without the bow ties or muscles.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.