Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Tony

Gibbs gets dress blue charlies. I look like one of the Village People.

Abby

[via Tony's earpiece] [laughs] Maybe you can find a local cop and get a dance routine going.

Gibbs

Anything Abby?

Abby

This is the left rear tire off Commander Julius's car. Notice anything unusual?

Gibbs

It's inflated.

Abby

Is that a guess, or do you actually know where I'm going with this?

Gibbs

What do you think?

Abby

Well, I don't know, that's why I asked you.

Gibbs

Why don't you just tell me?

Abby

So you don't know.

Gibbs

I want to make sure you know.

Abby

Hmmmm.

Gibbs

Hmmmm.

Abby

We should play poker sometime.

Gibbs

Yeah, we should.

Tony

What's up Abbs?

Abby

Something's...

Tony

Hinky?

Abby

The car that hit Gordon was definitely a Taurus.

Gibbs

You're positive?

Abby

Absolutely... unless it was a Mercury Sable.

Abby

Not unless he grew up in Dorkville.

Gibbs

Grew up just west of there.

Abby

I dated this guy once who just wanted me to bounce up and down on a balloon.

Gibbs

OK, stop.

Abby

I don't know. Guys have all sorts of strange rituals before they go out. This one guy, he does a full upper body workout just seconds before his date just so he can be pumped.

Gibbs

Does Tony know that you know?

Abby

Does Tony know that you know?

Abby

Hey Gibbs. Do you have any fetishes?

Gibbs

I've got three ex wives. I can't afford to have any fetishes.

Gibbs

That's apples and oranges.

Abby

[grins] There's a fetish for that, too.

Abby

(about the security guard's excuse for losing his card) He said his dog ate it!

Gibbs

(laughs) That didn't work for me in 6th grade!

Abby

(stares) Well, you're a late bloomer, Gibbs. It didn't work me in the 2nd!

That's why women aren't allowed in the SEALs!

Faith

Why? Because we think with the head on our shoulders?

Abby

(laughs at their argument) Whoa! (they all turn to stare) Remind you of anyone?

Abby

(half-heartedly) Yeah, I didn't think so!

Abby

Amanda is Voss!

Gibbs

[shocked] She's a he?!

Kate

[stunned] Oh my god, Tony's on a date with a guy.

Kate

Do we know how big his unit was?

Abby

We could ask him, but in my experience most men lie about that point.

Abby

What do you think Kate?

Kate

I think that you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.

Abby

All I drank was Redbull!

Kate

How many?

Abby

(slight pause) Eighteen.

Tony

I love Gus! It's very strong! What do you have to go with it?

Abby

Louis?

Tony

Gus Louis? It kinda sounds like a salad!

Abby

How about Bricker?

Tony

Gus Bricker. It's a tough one! Gibbs said to put some Military in the background.

Abby

Dishonorable discharge of course!

Tony

How about some time in Leavenworth?

Abby

What's the crime?

Tony

Something that fits my persona

Abby

How about violating Federal Obscenity Laws?

Tony

No! I mean my new sleazy gun running profile!

Abby

Drugs are always a safe bet!

Tony

Yeah. Drugs?

Abby

Got 3 to 5 paroled out on 2!

Tony

There is no justice in this world Abs!