Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Abby

Sulfuric Acid. That'd chew the shine off a trailer hitch.

Kate

How'd you get into this?

Abby

I filled out an application.

Kate

How'd you get into NCIS?

Tony

I smiled.

Abby

Sulfuric acid. That'd chew the shine off a trailer hitch.

Kate

How'd you get into this stuff?

Abby

Filled out an application.

Kate

I mean...forensics.

Abby

Oh, uh, when I was kid we used to live by this lot where hey brought all the burned out hulks from the gnarliest car wrecks. I used to sneak in at night and take pictures. It wasn't about the gore. It was about figuring out how things happened. You know, like action, reaction, the science of the whole thing. I got hooked. How about you?

Kate

Actually, I wanted to be a lawyer. I did a...a year in law school. It felt like ten years in prison.

Abby

With really boring inmates? (Kate laughs)

Abby

Admit it. You just like strapping on a gun.

Kate

More than one.

Abby

Really? You packing more heat than meets the eye?

Kate

Those your only tattoos?

Abby

You show me yours, I'll show you mine. (Kate chuckles)

Abby

You're looking at infrared of Bolivia's Best!

Gibbs

Cocaine?

Tony

The killer's using it?

Abby

Oh no way! The rock's too pure! This is probably from the cutting and the weighing!

Kate

Why don't I think that Thumper was killed cause of Cpl Ramsey's rigging?

Tony

What happened to "The Sad End of a Drano Drinker"?

Abby

I did a new one!

Tony

It was my favorite!

Abby

Art can't stand still, Tony!

Tony

So what's this one?

Abby

"Self Inflicted ShotGun Wound to the Abdomen"!

Tony

Of course!

Abby

I think I've got a theme like with my "ShotGun Shattered BackBone" I've got like a Chagal feeling going on!

Tony

Like in a Manson family way!

Abby

Yeah!

Abby

[while watching video of a terrorists van] Are we submitting to the Sundance Film Festival?

Tony

Yeah, best terrorist film category.

Abby

Sweet.

Tony

I feel like I just kissed my sister.

Abby

I didn't know you had a sister Tony.

Tony

I don't. I was fantasizing.

Abby

I need music to do that.

Abby

Sailor on the half-shell!

Ducky

Oh, Abby, please...

Abby

Sorry.

Abby

Perfume is expensive, Gibbs. I can't just hang out at the Macy's tester tray with my lab kit. They frown on that sort of behavior.

Abby

Perfume is the most powerful accessory a woman can wear.

Gibbs

How much did all this power cost us?

Abby

Around fifteen hundred.

Gibbs

Fifteen hundred DOLLARS???

Abby

Something's wrong. The files are too big.

Ducky

[chuckles] Not just the files.

Gibbs

See if you can brand the cologne.

Abby

Why, you want some?

Gibbs

Nope, don’t use cologne. The women I date think the smell of sawdust is sexy. Probably why i don’t date many women.

Gibbs

[sternly] You had better have a good reason for spilling my coffee.

Tony

I do. [frantically wiping Gibbs' shirt] I booked us on the first, uh-- [Gibbs smacks Tony's hand] flight to Gitmo tomorrow...

Gibbs

Unbook it.

Tony

Haha! I knew it!

Gibbs

Navy's giving us a priority ride today.

Tony

You mean it? [Gibbs looks at him] You do mean it. Normally I hate priority rides, but who cares if it's going to...

Gibbs

What's wrong with priority rides?

Tony

C'mon boss. You tellin' me you like sitting on canvas seats slung between cargo pallets?

Gibbs

Yeah, it makes me feel like I'm back in the Corps.

Tony

[laughs, while on a Gulfstream jet] I love priority rides. Boss, this is the best!

Gibbs

I miss canvas seats.

Tony

[protesting] Ah c'mon, boss. I've been breaking that cap in for three months. I love that cap.

Kate

Then don't shoot it.

Gibbs

Back this up? [tapes Kate's PDA to her target]

Kate

[protests] Ah, no no no, Gibbs. Come on, my whole life is in that thing.

Gibbs

Then don't shoot it. [walks away]

Kate

[to Tony] If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.

Tony

What?

Kate

We break into Gibbs' basement and set the boat on fire.

Tony

That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Gibbs

Fire. Let's see how you do under pressure.

Tony

I'll bring the lighter fluid.

Kate

Deal.

Abby

Very cool. Where can I get one of these? [admires Tony's bullet hole ridden cap]

Tony

You can have that one.

Abby

So I suppose you want me to find out what chastity belt this opens.

Gibbs

Do I look like DiNozzo?

Tony

Not funny, boss. Besides I can open a chastity belt.

Abby

Did you ever see one? Mine's awesome, eighteenth century French.

Tony

You have a chastity belt?

Gibbs

So much more information than I need to know about Abby.

Abby

You're on the air.

Gibbs

Hey Abbs.

Abby

Gibbs. How did we do with the moles?

Gibbs

Spooks, Abby, spooks.

Abby

I can never get that straight.

Gibbs

You still in touch with that old NASA boyfriend?

Abby

He wasn't a boyfriend, he was a boytoy, and yes, we IM almost every day.

Gibbs

You do?

Abby

Oh yeah.

Gibbs

That's good, right?

Abby

It's very good.

Greetings from NASA, NCIS.

Abby

Whoa, Ashton, that was so Star Trek.

Sorry, I'm late. I had a cluster of frozen reactor coolant heading for the flight path of an Atlas liftoff. I had to delay the launch. They were not happy about it. I am, however, very happy to see you, Abby, and to help your NCIS crime-fighting colleagues.

Kate

Still no head or left leg.

Abby

Did you check Hooterville?

Tony

Where's Hooterville?

Abby

You guys. Petticoat Junction, Green Acres. Hooterville.

Tony

I prefer TV shows from this century.