Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Abby

Hi honey! Welcome home to your bloody abode.

Abby

[points to a computer tablet] It's been sitting in so much blood it kinda drowned the little guy.

McGee

Metro give it CPR?

Abby

They tried but I think it needs a Timmy touch.

Gibbs

Hey Abs, brought you a book.

Abby

Oh...great...you know, it's supposed to be burnt after reading, not before?

Ziva

Tony, you're hogging the end pieces!

Tony

That's because I start with the end pieces. Haven't you ever done a puzzle before? You go out to in.

Ziva

Have you ever done a puzzle before? Because you work in to out!

Abby

[laughing at their bickering] Will you guys stop? I'm trying to read here.

Abby

Change, Gibbs. Change makes me itch. It always has. It's Agent Barrett. I'm not a fan. I mean, of change. Her I don't mind. She's feisty for someone so small, and I like that. Not that I like her, because I don't really.

Gibbs

Abby.

Abby

Not like I like you.

Gibbs

Abs. [hugs her]

Abby

I like our family just the way it is.

Gibbs

Nothing's going to change.

Gibbs

[telling Abby and McGee how he recognized a possible suspect's picture] Rule number 35.

[look at each other and smile] Always watch the watchers.

Who the hell are all these people?

Abby

Oh. These are the new guys! Gibbs didn't tell you?

Man of few words.

Abby

I've noticed.

Abby

[watching footage of Tony in the bullpen] Okay, he starts to turn the picture over. There!

McGee

Go two frames back. See, that looks like a woman to me.

Abby

No, it doesn't. It looks like a hairy pirate with a mustache!

McGee

You mean Tony's assignment is to kill Johnny Depp?

Ziva

I like Johnny Depp.

Abby

This isn't working.

Ziva

It is too grainy. I cannot see anything.

McGee

I don't feel comfortable doing this.

Abby

I know. We're spying. On family.

Ziva

Well, sometimes we must cross boundaries to protect those we care about.

McGee

Well, hypothetically, what if Ray was Tony's target?

Ziva

Okay, though I am confident it is not Ray, we should prepare ourselves for the unexpected.

McGee

I hope it isn't anyone we know.

Abby

No. You're never going to find the perfect woman for Gibbs.

McGee

How do you know?

Abby

Because he's already found her.

McGee

His first wife. That doesn't mean we can't still try, right?

Abby

It's futile.

Tony

Hey, Abs. Gibbs sent me down to find out what you found out.

Abby

What are you talking about?

Tony

You know, that thing you're working on for him.

Abby

Tony, I'm not telling you anything about your father's case. My lips are sealed.

Tony

[scoffs] Come on, I'm just doing -- [Abby steps in his way] -- I'm desperate, Abby.

Abby

I'm sorry. [hugs Tony]] Now leave and consider yourself banished.

Tony

[attempts to step around Abby, fails, and picks up a test tube] What's this?

Abby

Your father's urine.

Tony

I'm going.

Gibbs

Abs?....Abby?

Abby

Thank goodness it's just you. Jimmy and his Grinch-in-law have been stalking the halls spreading ill will and yuletide yuckness.

McGee

How long have they been back there?

Abby

[smiles] Not long enough.

I can't hear a word they're saying.

Palmer

If you hadn't made that remark about her tattoos, we wouldn't be in time-out. [looks at his watch] I've got six minutes left.

Can I ask you guys a question? How do I get on Gibbs' good side? I would kill to be on his team.

Abby

Well, Tim would know.

McGee

Gibbs likes agents who are one step ahead, who anticipates what he wants one step ahead.

Thanks McGee.

Abby

[waves and smiles] Bye Dorney!

Tony

How much longer are we going to be stuck in here? Hello?! Anybody!

Ziva

It's been hours, Tony. I cannot take much more of this.

Tony

What's that supposed to mean? I suppose it is getting a little ripe in here.

Ziva

I'm not ripe! You, on the other hand, are pungent!

Tony

[sniffs himself and coughs] Well, it could be worse. You could be stuck in this tin can with Miguel from human resources.

Ziva

[laughs] He sweats more than anyone I've ever known.

Tony

How about Jeremy from office operations? That guy. He's always undressing you with his eyes. I mean, he's fun, but a little creepy.

Ziva

Hey, what if one of those men is dead?

Abby

[shoves the fireman out of the way] There you are!

Ziva

Abby, I've never been more happy to see your gorgeous face.

Abby

You guys must be ready to kill each other. I mean, I can't think of who I'd want to be stuck in an elevator with, except maybe Amelia Earhart, or Michelle Obama, or Joan of Arc, or the whole cast of Cirque du Soleil in case I got bored I could --

Abby!

Ziva

Good news: McGee was released from the hospital.

Abby

[glum] Great. I'm sure he has a nice, big scar to show for it.

Ziva

Well, the doctor said it is not too significant, and maybe --

Abby

Maybe if the doctor had diagnosed Harper Dearing as a clinical nutjob years ago, then none of this would have happened!

Ziva

Okay. I see you are upset. I mean, we are upset too, but we're safe, and you have to focus on that. You have to focus on the good.

Abby

The good. What good? Harper Dearing took that away. First he goes after innocent sailors, and then he comes after us where we live. All I see is pain and destruction. I don't see good. I want good back.

Ziva

Abby, if anyone can find the good, it is you. I have no doubt.

Abby

What if this isn't over? What if Dearing isn't done?

Ziva

A terrorist is only as strong as the fear he creates.

Abby

Ziva, please. Kick. His. Ass.

Gibbs

Things odd, Abby? What's odd?

Abby

The bullet that killed Midge. It's nasty. It's like way nastier than any standard .32 I've ever seen.

Gibbs

It looks pretty standard to me.

Abby

Yeah, but look closer. It's covered in mold spores, and old mold, like sixty years, which means it's a very old bullet.

Gibbs

From where?

Abby

Well, my first thought is this assassin from the past. He stumbles through a tear in the space-time continuum.

Gibbs

Or from somebody's old gun.

Abby

That was my second thought.