Abby Sciuto quotes from NCIS

Gibbs

Abby, what are you doing?

Abby

A boundary has been crossed. I've been violated. Nothing is sacred anymore.

Gibbs

Yeah? Tell me.

Abby

Someone stole my cupcake.

McGee

Hey. You looking for me, Tony?

Abby

No, I am. Do you think I'm an idiot?

McGee

No.

Abby

What, you thought I wouldn't figure it out?

McGee

What is she talking about?

Ziva

The cupcake.

Abby

You stole it from my refrigerator. I have forensic evidence. Your big fat finger print.

McGee

Oh, come on, you think I'm that stupid? Look, if I was going to steal your precious cupcake I would not leave a fingerprint on your refrigerator.

Abby

You didn't. You used latex gloves. Brand new box, McGee. Only prints, mine and yours.

McGee

You said you were going gluten-free.

Abby

Where is it, McGee?

McGee

I was saving you from yourself, Abby.

Abby

Where did you save it, McGee?

McGee

Okay, I ate it. It was late, I hadn't eaten since lunch, the machine in the break room was empty and it looked so good.

Tony

[hugs McGee] What were you thinking, McGee? She's a world-class forensic scientist. [dope-slaps him]

Ziva

I bought the cupcake for Abby. [dope-slaps him]

Abby

So, how was it?

McGee

It was life-changing.

Abby

I need a DNA swab.

McGee

What's this about?

Ziva

Someone stole her cupcake.

McGee

No! It's an invasion of privacy!

Abby

[glares at him] McGee, I will get your DNA one way or the other.

Tony

Do what the woman says. She sleeps in a coffin.

Ziva

I'll call Tony.

McGee

I'll call Abby. [they both run]

[via webcam] Gibbs has a father!

Tell me everything!

Ziva

I'll call Tony.

McGee

I'll call Abby. [they both run to the laptop]

[via webcam] Gibbs has a father!

[back at the lab] Tell me everything!

McGee

His name is Jackson. He's a good talker. He may have winked at me.

Ziva

Gibbs is very different around him.

Abby

[excitedly] Different how? Different bad? Different good?

McGee

He's like a teenager. Sort of.

Tony

Okay, I'm coming...! I'm going...! I'm leaving!

Abby

Me, too!

Gibbs

You enjoying yourself, Abs?

Abby

Yes!!! [looking at Gibbs] But you're not. Sorry.

Gibbs

Thanks, Abs. You can go back to your mold now.

Abby

Aw, Gibbs. You say the sweetest things.

Abby

What do you see?

McGee

Um, french vanilla ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Abby

Interesting. [flipping to another picture] What now?

McGee

Um.

Abby

You can say it. We're grown-ups, McGee. Say it.

McGee

Sex.

Abby

Mold sex, actually. Practically mold porn.

McGee

Why are you showing me mold porn?

Abby

OK McGee, what do you see?

McGee

Crunched berries cereal.

Abby

Okay, now what do you see? [flips to another picture]

McGee

Ohh, French vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sprinkles.

Abby

Interesting. Alright, how about now? [flips to another picture]

McGee

Um.

Abby

Come on, McGee. Say it. We're grown-ups. Sex, say it.

McGee

Sex.

Abby

Mold sex. I mean its practically mold porn.

McGee

Why are you showing me mold porn?

McGee

[after his shoes are superglued to the floor] Again with the Krazy Glue?

Abby

[whispering whilst hiding under her desk] Consider yourself lucky! It was either that or hydrochloric acid!

Abby

Stop interogating me, McGee!

McGee

Stop acting weird!

Abby

I am weird!

McGee

Wonder what they are doing up there.

Tony

Does the Navy still hang people?

Abby

Tony!

McGee

Well, it is treason, Abby.

Abby

McGeeeehee!

Tony

What else can they do? There's no way she walks out of here.

Ziva

No way.

Good night everyone! [Walks out]

Abby

I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?

Gibbs

An attitude adjustment.

Abby

Gibbs, you're not helping.

Abby

I like everything about Christmas. Except for that Chipmunk song. And shopping... I never know what to get anyone. Especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy who has nothing and wants... nothing.

Ducky

Some squeaky shoes.

Abby

[startles, looking behind her] Hi, Gibbs!

Abby

They haven't hurt McGee, have they?

Ziva

We have not heard anything.

Tony

[holds evidence box] Got something for ya from Trimble's apartment, Abby. We need to figure all this stuff out before sunset.

Abby

Define 'before sunset'!

Tony

Before the sun goes down.

Abby

[looks frustrated and sighs, grabbing the box and heads to table]

Abby

The sun sets at around 5:02. So, does that mean we have until five oh one?

Ziva

Before sunset.

Abby

That could be now. Not good enough! I can't take this. Every time you guys go out, and I never know if you're gonna make it back, [Tony and Ziva exchange a look as she mutters] and it's killing me. I can't sleep at night and I'm developing this sort of weird twitch.

Ziva

Our work is sometimes dangerous, Abby.

Abby

Then get a safer job.

Tony

Then you wouldn't see us at all.

Abby

[frowns] True. Still...sucks!