Can I trouble you for the left ear, Mr. Palmer?
Uh (holds the ear to his left ear to make sure it's the same one) One left ear coming up!
What? It's not the left ear!
It's the left just not the right left...so to speak!
Three bodies! (Jimmy sighs in annoyance and pushes the drawer shut) Time to start another table!
Hey Ducky! My computer died! We need somewhere cooler to set up shop!
(looking at the meat puzzle on the tables) Well we're a little short on space for the moment Abigail but you can use 107! (opens the drawer to find a cadaver still in there) Definately not 107! His relatives were supposed to arrange for him to be taken back last week! Uh...Will this do?
Oh can I give you a hand?
McGee(sees the blood) Uh, no.
(walking up the front path with McGee in tow then notices the sweater) They either left in a hurry. Or were forced to!
McGee
How do you know she just didn't leave it there?
(looks at McGee like he's gone crazy) Because she's a little girl, McGee! (then says the stereotype of a boy) They're not typically slobs!
McGee
Remind me to introduce you to my little sister!
(using a Gibbs comeback) What was that?
McGee
(scared out of his wits) Nothing Agent Todd!
[Gibbs gets off the phone and notices Kate standing in front of his desk grinning]
[smile fades away] What? No!
Well, then stop grinning and tell me what you got
When he found the first Jane Doe while jogging, Petty Officer Goetz was in port on a carrier, the Teddy Roosevelt.
[looks through his case files] Agent Dawes interrogated him a number of times, on The Big Stick and here.
Teddy Roosevelt. "Talk softly, carry a big stick."
[realizes] Big stick! Cute. [continues] Goetz stayed in the Navy, is a Chief and arrived in Norfolk in the same carrier as the seamen who found our Jane Doe. The "Honest Abe"?
Lincoln is not the "Honest Abe". It's "Shall Not Perish".
[bemused] What kind of nickname is "Shall Not Perish"?
[resumes his work] Ask Chief Goetz when you pull him in for questioning.
Ok. [goes back to her desk]
McGee
The Emancipator!
[Gibbs looks up at McGee]
McGee
That would be a good name for the Abraham Lincoln. [Gibbs looks at him] Since he signed the Emancipation Proclamation.... [Gibbs continues staring him down until McGee realizes and stops talking.]
[Kate has McGee pinned on the floor]
Have I mentioned that I was hand-picked to protect the President of the United States?
McGee
Five times!
[Tony comes up to them to gawk at McGee]
Are you gonna take that abuse McGee?
McGee
No! [flips Kate over and pins her on the floor]
I like it McGee! Why were you holding back?
McGee
Well you...I mean I've never wrestled--
A girl? [to Tony] Tony, I look like a girl to you?
All I see are two NCIS special agents.
[She kicks McGee in the crotch, Tony cringes.]
[hangs up his phone] Training's over. We're headed to Quantico. Guy tried to outrun a 500-pound bomb.
[Kate follows Gibbs out. McGee is still on the floor, groaning in pain]
[attempting to comfort McGee] She had three older brothers growing up. I think there's some unresolved issues there.
McGee
Ya think?!
[Commander Faith Coleman is furious to find out that Yost is not in the NCIS building. Unknown to her, Gibbs had Tony secretly take Yost home.]
Please don't insult me by telling me he escaped.
The older they are, the sneakier they are!
Yost complained of a weak bladder. He had to use the restroom every ten minutes. We gave up escorting him and one time he just didn't come back.
McGee
Found a window open. He must've shimmied down that drain pipe.
[sarcastically] Ah, I'd liked to have seen that.
We think the weak bladder was a trick to get us to let down our guard.
We're sick about it, Commander.
Yes I can see that you all look absolutely devastated.
McGee
I put out an APB. Airports, train stations, taxi cabs...walker rentals...
You know, I was thinking about becoming a doctor.
Anthony DiNozzo, comma, M.D.
[laughs] Let me guess, a gynecologist?
Oooh... no. I was thinking more dermatologist. Normal hours, big bucks, never an emergency. I mean, nobody ever died from a zit.
McGee
I had a terrible case of acne as a kid.
Of course you did, Probie.
[The team arrive at the crime scene.
Break out the gear. I'll coordinate with the MPs. [hands coffee to Tony] You drink that, DiNozzo, you're dead.
[...]
[hands Gibbs' coffee to an oblivious McGee] Coffee, Probie. Looks like you could use it.
McGee
Oh. Thanks, Tony.
Don't mention it. [smiles as he walks away]
McGee
[to Kate] I think he's finally starting to warm up to me.
[Kate looks away and smiles]
[...]
[McGee enters crime scene sipping the coffee just as Gibbs is walking out]
Enjoying that coffee, McGee?
McGee
Uh, yeah.
[Kate and Tony smile at each other. Gibbs glares at McGee and walks away. McGee spots Kate and Tony laughing quietly to each other and realizes he has been pranked.]
McGee
[embarrassed] It's your coffee. I'm sorry Boss. I'll get you another one. [turns to Kate and Tony] Thanks.
Yeah, maybe next time you should remember Rule 23.
Is that the one about not marrying a woman who eats more than you do?
MSMP Sgt. Hegarty
Never mess with a Marine's coffee if you want to live, Agent DiNozzo.
[Kate pats McGee's back as he walks out the door]
LRLaura Rowans
Let me guess, you take it black, Agent Gibbs? Marines always do. What about you Agent McGee? Cream and sugar?
[McGee is about to accept, Gibbs looks at him]
McGee
Uh, you know what, I still have to take some photos outside, so maybe later but thank you. [hurriedly leaves]
LLaura
Is he old enough to be an NCIS agent?
[deadpan] I ask myself that everyday.
McGee
Every road with access into Quantico is blocked by armed gate guards. There's Marines everywhere. Why would a rapist choose a victim here?
SHSgt. Hegarty
Maybe he's got a death wish, Agent McGee.
McGee
There's easier ways to die.
My first round's going through your right eye-socket, Lady!
[McGee is talking to the Deputy Secretary of State in MTAC]
DSDeputy Secretary of State
And what exactly did agent Gibbs tell you to say to me?
McGee
He told me to tell you... stick it.
DSDeputy Secretary of State
You're telling me to...?
McGee
Stick it! Thank you, Mrs. Secretary of State, our conversation is now over.
[He signals to cut off the connection. The MTAC staff break into applause.]
(Tony's Cell Phone Is Ringing)
Are you going to answer that?
Well, do they have money there? Because you owe me... forty three dollars and eighty six cents for lunch this week.
I will gladly pay you today if you'll answer this call for me.
Crazy ex-girlfriend. Haven't seen her since college.
What do you want me to say to her?
I don't know. Tell her you're my wife or something. She's been calling nonstop for two days. So I'm begging you here, Kate. Please.
(Into Phone) Hello? Me? Oh, I am Tony's wife. Uh, yes. We got married a few years ago. (Whispers To Tony) We have kids? (Into Phone) Two. Yes. And we're very, very happy. So please don't call back again. (To Tony) I feel like I need a shower. (Hangs Up Phone)
McGee
He bet me forty dollars he could get you to say you're his wife today.
Tony, I'm going to kill you.
NCIS · 1,787 quotes
