Anyone ever told you you're an insufferable bastard?
[pleased] Yeah.
“The Bone Yard” · Season 2, Episode 5
In this episode: Leroy Jethro Gibbs (6), Tony DiNozzo (5), Kate Todd (4), Timothy McGee (2), Fornell (2), Abby Sciuto (1)
FFBI Agent
Are you always a smart-ass?
Only to you boys from the Hoover building.
Realising how sad this sounds, you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Gibbs.
[Kate and Tony go undercover posing as a trashy couple going for a paternity test.]
You writin' my name, right?
What? I just wanna know if it's mine. She kinda sleeps around a lot, if you know what I mean.
If I did, it's cuz he ain't any good in bed.
Least I didn't sleep with my cousin.
You slept with my sista!
I thought it was you!
She weighs 300 pounds.
She was wearing your earrings.
RReceptionist
That's enough! If you two can't be civil, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Look, is there anywhere I can wait away from him? Please? I'm beggin' you.
RReceptionist
There's an empty exam room behind you two doors on the right.
Thank you. [She flings her gum at Tony as she leaves.]
I'm sorry. She slept with my brother. And my best friend. At the same time.
Wow, I thought you were the only one who could piss him off like that.
You never met his second wife.
JNJimmy Napalitano
I'll kill your brothers, your uncles, your father, and after the funerals I'll kill you.
No brothers. No uncles. My father passed years ago. I do have three ex-wives whose names and addresses I will gladly fax on to you. [we hear the sound of Jimmy hanging up] Huh! He hung up!
[Tony and Gibbs are sparring in the boxing ring]
Learned how to box in the Marines?
No. Corps doesn't teach boxing.
[grins] That's your loss!
[Gibbs floors Tony with a single move]
They teach fighting.
[Kate has McGee pinned on the floor]
Have I mentioned that I was hand-picked to protect the President of the United States?
Five times!
[Tony comes up to them to gawk at McGee]
Are you gonna take that abuse McGee?
No! [flips Kate over and pins her on the floor]
I like it McGee! Why were you holding back?
Well you...I mean I've never wrestled--
A girl? [to Tony] Tony, I look like a girl to you?
All I see are two NCIS special agents.
Me, too!
[She kicks McGee in the crotch, Tony cringes.]
[hangs up his phone] Training's over. We're headed to Quantico. Guy tried to outrun a 500-pound bomb.
And?
He lost.
[Kate follows Gibbs out. McGee is still on the floor, groaning in pain]
[attempting to comfort McGee] She had three older brothers growing up. I think there's some unresolved issues there.
Ya think?!
With luck, he'll spit on my boots.
Looking for a reason to whack him in the head, Gibbs?
No. To shoot him.
DDeluca
Hey! Agent Gibbs! Are you deaf or nuts?!
A little of both.
Gibbs is going to kill you.
What, why me?
I'm not telling him.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's NCIS pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.