[A little girl phones her grandmother.]
GGrandma
Hello?
LGLittle Girl
Hello, Grandma?
CACrow [as little girl]
Where's my money?
S9The Space Children
[A Bell Telephone representative talks about future features as a video runs to demonstrate them.]
[voiceover] Want someone else on the line?
SAServo [as Customer]
No.
[voiceover] That's easy, too. Flip the switch button, then dial a code number and the number you want, and… presto!
Well, andante, maybe.
CACrow [as Bell Woman]
Soon you'll have all your friends hanging up on you and dreading your calls.
[In a promotional film from Bell Telephone, we see two dogs on a well-manicured lawn.]
[voiceover] It may even be possible to call and water the lawn during that dry spell when you are many miles away on vacation.
[The sprinklers are then turned on by telephone operated remote control, and the dogs run away.]
CCrow
Yeah, how do you like it when the lawn piddles on you?!
...And in the future there will still be a two dollar surcharge for using this service despite the technology having proliferated EVERYWHERE ON THE PLANET!
The Space Children (movie)
[Outside the cave, the kids stare at a shaft of light descending from the sky.]
CACrow [as Bud]
[mesmerized] Yes -- I will take money from my dad's wallet and send it to Soupy Sales.
[Tim flees from his violent, drunken stepfather (played by Russell Johnson), but is finally caught.]
CCrow
Whooh. Imagine having your butt whooped by "And The Rest"!
[As her children pass along commands from the blob rock, Anne tries to comprehend what's happening.]
ABAnne Brewster
How does it tell you, and why?
BBud
I don't think you'd understand.
[Anne lets go of her son in disgust and turns away.]
MAMike [as Anne]
Oh, I'll just go wish myself into the cornfield.
[Project head Dr. Wahrman confronts Brewster about the space blob.]
WDr. Wahrman
And what does it look like?
CACrow [as Brewster]
Well, it's got a good personality…
S9Hobgoblins
Can you catch a venereal disease from a movie?
[A man in a gray uniform walks along with a loud crunching.]
What, has he got Pringles in his shoes?
Proof that janitors walk upright!
[Dennis opens the vault door.]
Burgess Meredith is inside reading.
[McCreedy closes the bank-like vault door after Dennis is killed inside.]
SAServo [as Announcer]
Member, FDI-Murder!
CACrow [as Announcer]
Death guaranteed for up to 50,000 die! [N]
[The pre-credits sequence ends and the titles begin.]
Hey, the end credits! Well, it was a terrible movie. At least it was short!
These are the beginning credits!
Oh, well, then kill me, please?
A surveillance monitor shows black-and-white footage of a slow-moving robber.]
CCrow
It's some guy sneaking around like a silent film villain!
[singing] Take on me...
DDaphne
[singing to "Everybody Have Fun Tonight"] Everybody have sex tonight!
Everybody throw up tonight.
CCrow
Ironically, no one in the band Wang Chung had sex that night.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.