[Two pink tutu'd skaters perform a synchronized skating routine to a light, cheery tune.]
SServo
[singing]
S4Monster A Go-Go
These two girls, they make quite a pair.
They both come from your worst night-mare.
They will haunt your soul forever,
And now,
When you see pink,
You're gonna think,
"We're doomed".
They are agents of Satan...
[laughing] Okay, stop it, Tom...
[A group of women skaters dressed as Zebras come on screen, and are described as actual animals.]
We're gettin' into a whole weird area, here.
CACrow [as Narrator]
Yes, it's sexist male fantasies on ice!
. . .
And now, the little bareback rider exhalts in her victory over the wild beasts!
[nervously chuckling] Uh-huh...
. . .
SAServo [as Narrator]
Yes, it's dehumanized, objectified circus on ice!
[A skater portrays a fawn trying vainly to escape from hunters.]
Prelude to the afternoon of a murder.
. . .
CACrow [as Child]
Oh, Mom, I don't wanna... [gulps] I don't like the Circus on Ice anymore! I wanna go home!
SAServo [as Mother]
Shut up and watch the deer get slaughtered! It's fun!
. . .
Oh, and she skates over her own intestines.
[The camera pans down from the spotlights to some skating ballerinas.]
And now, the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness...
CACrow [as Narrator]
...and kills them.
Monster A Go-Go (movie)
[Over the film's title]
Monster A Go-Go? I thought this was gonna be Munster Go Home!
. . .
You know, guys, I got a feeling this is gonna be a tough one.
CCrow
Oh, it might not be too bad...
No, I think Joel's right, this one has "stinkburger" written all over it.
Yeah...
CCrow
[sighs indignantly] C'mon, you can't tell just from the credits!
No, no, it's a feeling I have. My gut instincts tell me that this is gonna hurt real bad.
CCrow
Joel, it's not healthy to have such a negative attitude right out of the gate.
It's just common sense, Crow. There's a feeling of incompetence already in the air here.
Yeah, we might as well face up to it...
CCrow
Well, I refuse to give in so soon! I'm gonna riff away like it's nobody's business! ...I-I can't think of anything now, but...
[The credits mention that the film's music was performed by a group called The Other Three; part of the credit is cut off by the side of the screen.]
[reading] The Other Th?
[The credits list Bill Rebane as the film's producer; his name reappears as the film's director.]
CCrow
[enthusiastically] Hey, what a coincidence, there were two guys named Bill Rebane! Heh heh...y'know, ya see, 'cause of the thing with the... and the... uh, the guy, the... [deflating] This is gonna suck.
[A scientist is walking up a flight of stairs with music playing.]
Hey, its the musical stairs from the science museum.
[Dr. Logan just gets through talking on the phone and he looks distraught]
JAJoel [as Dr. Logan]
That's it. I'm dead. I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man walking, and talking and wearing clothes, that's how dead I am. I'm dead.
[Dr. Brent tries to find out why Dr. Logan didn't tell him he had the monster in one of his radiation labs for the last eight weeks]
BDr. Brent
Why didn't you tell us then?
I don't know. I was trying to help.
[whining] I was just trying to help.
BDr. Brent
Help? You've jeopardized this whole project!
What the hell do you want from me, Dr. Brent?! I don't have a precision mind like yours!
CACrow [as Dr. Logan]
I'm only a scientist!
[Close up on a phone when a ringing sound (made by a person offscreen) goes off]
[in disbelief] Unbelieveable...
[Tom bursts out into laughter]
Hello? [A pause] Yes?
CACrow [as Dr. Logan]
I made that phone noise.
[In Chicago's Lower Level, men dress Col. Connors and Dr. Brent in radiation suits.]
CACrow [as Col. Connors]
[makes a fart noise] What? Oh. Uh... Pull the helmet off! Pull it off me!
There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics...
"Oops".
..."radiation".
Oh.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.