CCrow
I could mention that this isn't the future and it's not a war, but you know me, I don't like to complain.
S10Future War
Alright there should be a delay of movie penalty
Servo [makes whistle sound] fifteen yards.
[Ann and the Runaway escape a dinosaur in the back of a man's pickup truck.]
AAnn
DRIIIIIVE!
SUUUUURGE!
AAnn
DRIIIIIIIIVE!
CACrow [as driver]
Look, how much more can I drive? There's no inherent quantity of driving that I can increase! ...If you want me to go faster, then you need to tell me that.
S10Blood Waters of Dr. Z
Blood waters, huh? Guess Dr. Z had a little kidney problem.
[Close-up of some unidentifiable part of a fish.]
Please enjoy a fish anus.
[Mad narrator Dr. Leopold discusses how the walking catfish moves.]
Forward progress is made with a snake-like slither and a vigorous thrashing of the tail.
CACrow [as Narrator]
...like Courtney Love.
[Leopold the fish monster attacks a swimming beauty in a bikini.]
He's a Cop-a-feel-acanth.
[INPIT agent Martha Walsh begins to strip out of her jumpsuit.]
Mike, how come you don't look like this in your jumpsuit?
CCrow
A-are you sure you're buying the right kind of jumpsuit?
Hmmm...
[Dr. Leopold lumbers into town after having turned himself into a half-man, half-catfish monster.]
[excited] Oh! Oh! Oh! You know who they need to take care of him? Huh? Do you know? Huh? Do you know? Catfish Hunter, that's who! Ha ha ha!
[unimpressed] Hmm... that doesn't really work for me. See, the guy changed his name.
CCrow
Yeah, to Catfish Chapstick, so the joke doesn't work.
[deflated] Oh... but it was a good joke! Wordplay like that doesn't come around so often.
But it only works if you get the correct, current name.
[disappointed] So the joke doesn't work? Sheesh...
. . .
Tom, are... are you sulking?
[angrily] No!
Yes you are, look--look, I'm sorry. It was a good joke...
CCrow
No! No it wasn't, Mike, 'cause his name is Catfish Chapstick...
Ssshh! He's suffered enough.
S10Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues
And the legend continues... to be not heard about, by anyone!
[During a scene set amongst ardent University of Arkansas football fans.]
A razorback hat lacks the quiet dignity of a cheese wedge.
[As a subplot comes to an entirely unsatisfying end.]
And so, the completely pointless stretch of movie whimpers out like a small, dying rat.
[Narrator "Doc" Lockhart introduces himself and his travelling companions.]
DDoc
Leslie Ann Walker. All I know about her is she's a good friend of... Tanya Yazzie, my prize student.
SAServo [as Doc]
Prize student in that she gets Cs, but she's really cute.
MAMike [as Lockhart]
We're goin' camping, and you're gonna watch.
[Doc enters a backwater country store which has no obvious merchandise, other than a turquoise, plastic pith helmet.]
CACrow [as Lockhart]
Do ya'll have any turquoise, plastic pith helmets?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.