[Vadinho has gone aboard the alien space craft and it goes off into the sun set.]
And we hear the dim cry of an anal probe.
Puma Man
Danger: Diabolik!
[Diabolik drives off down a highway as 60s spy-themed music plays in the background.]
CCrow
[singing along with the music] Gonna go to the store! Da na na na na na! Gonna pick up some bread! Da na na na na na! Maybe stop by the post office! Da na na na na na! Take Dolores to lunch! Da na na na na na! Hope they're serving that ham, oh yeah...
[A caravan guarding a shipment of money is traveling along a road, to the sound of peppy surf-rock music.]
CCrow
Y'know, this music would be better with women in bikinis shaking it all over the place... Well, I guess that's true of any music, really.
[In Diabolik's lair, the black-leather-clad antihero and Eva, still in their car, move in for another lip-lock.]
SAServo [as Diabolik]
Let's have a tantric quickie.
MAMike [as Eva]
Mmm… mmm… oh, you smell like a tire store.
This is just a good samaritan he met in the tunnel.
CCrow
Heh! She's a great samaritan!
SAServo [as Diabolik]
You don't mind if I swallow your face, do you?
[The lovely Eva is removing her skimpy frock as she passes a staircase.]
Wow! Dangerously steep stairs!
You're watching the stairs?
CCrow
Poor Mike...
[Eva and Diabolik make love in a pile of money.]
They're really gonna have to get their money laundered.
CCrow
Steve Forbes and his wife!
. . .
You know, with my budget, I'd be rolling around in a handful of change.
. . .
Paper cuts are brutal.
. . .
CCrow
The young Alan Greenspan!
. . .
They got pretty injured when they tried this with gold bars.
. . .
If they make love in English pound notes, their sex is 50% better.
. . .
SAServo [as Diabolik]
You're the frendliest teller I ever met! Last time, I just got a toaster!
. . .
CCrow
You know, if he'd stolen just a little less, I could see her ass right now.
. . .
CCrow
Got greed?
Member, FDIC! [chuckles]
[During a press conference, Diabolik and Eva have released laughing gas into the room. Everyone breaks into laughter.]
Dan Quayle announces his candidacy.
[As mob boss Valmont meets with his henchmen, a whooping horn sounds the approach of a speedboat.]
The S. S. Jo Anne Worley!
VValmont
Is that Stud coming?
CCrow
I beg your pardon?
[In a later scene, Valmont addresses the man who arrived in the speedboat as "Stud" -- "Stud, you brought bad news." -- clarifying the remark.]
[Diabolik, out of ammunition, pulls out a mysterious silver metal cylinder the size and shape of a very large bullet.]
SAServo [as Diabolik]
My steel, reusable Fleet.
MAMike [as Diabolik]
Maybe I can run real fast and push it into him.
[The movie closes with the word "FINE" (Italian for "the end").]
This has been the official biopic of Larry Fine.[N]
[At home, the gang watches The Crawling Eye, the first film in MST3K's cable run.]
"The Crawling Eye". The Marty Feldman Story.
Oh, Forrest Tucker. He's the guy who makes sure all the trees' shirttails are in.
CCrow
This movie seems kind of familiar, doesn't it?
Hmmm.
Specials
MST3K Little Gold Statue Preview Special
[a clip is shown from Forrest Gump ]
FSForrest's Mother
Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest! You never know what you're gonna get!
[cut back to Servo & Crow]
[dripping with sarcasm] Oh, "Life is a like box of chocolates"? Well I got a better analogy! "Life is like a crap sandwich! The more bread you got, the less crap you gotta take!" Sheesh!
MST3K 1st Annual Summer Blockbuster Review
[Roland Tembo strides through the jungle.]
CCrow
Pete Postlethwaite in shorts? This movie is for the ladies!
CCrow
Mike, stop yellin' and shootin' and killin', you woke me up.
MST3K 2nd Annual Summer Blockbuster Review
[In a field, Scully watches Mulder pull up some sod.]
Here, Agent Mulder is on the trail of Sod-Laying Man!
Ground's dry about an inch down. This was laid recently.
CACrow [as Mulder]
…unlike me.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.