[The moonlight casts the shadow of a palm tree against the side of the cabin.]
Look at that shadow - it's Sideshow Bob!
S10Horrors of Spider Island
[Bobby wanders off into the jungle to the tune of Vince Guaraldi-esque piano music.]
CCrow
Soundtrack by Schroeder.
[As Mike is talking at the end of the movie, the screen suddenly goes black, and the music cuts off abruptly.]
...hey!
[The words "The End" abruptly appear]
So, you wanna end your movie that way, huh? Ok, get bent! We're outta here!
AAnn
[trying to get the attention of a passing ship] They must see us! They can't just leave us here! Hello! Hello!
MMay
Stop all that screaming, Ann. You're driving me crazy.
AAnn
Let me go! Hello, take us with you!
[the ship passes by] Damn Californian, it never helps anyone.
[Bobby starts shadow boxing while walking.]
CCrow
He saw an air molecule that respects women.
S10Squirm
CSCoily the Spring Sprite
So, you never want to see another spring, eh? Okay, mister, I'll fix it so you get that wish!
CACrow [as Coily]
...In HELL!
[After Gilbert, a rather rotund man, wishes there were no springs, Coily magically makes them disappear from the world.]
So, one clod says one thing and the whole world pays???
CACrow [as Gilbert]
No springs? I don't care. There's still butter and meatloaf.
[After Gilbert discovers he can't even operate his car without springs, Coily appears.]
CCoily
Noooo springs! [laughs]
Awww, gee, Coily, I didn't realize what I was wishing. I'm sorry for everything I said. Can't we call the whole thing off? Isn't there anything I can do? Please let me take back my wish.
CCoily
[rubs chin in thought] Wellll...
MAMike [as Coily]
NO!
CCoily
Okay! I'll do it, just this once! But next time, be careful! Don't ever make that wish again!
. . .
[With that, Coily makes all the springs reappear into existence.]
So Coily waited all eternity for this moment and he backs down almost instantly?
You see all spring action depends on elasticity: the ability of material to return to it's original form after it's been forced out of shape...
MAMike [as Gilbert]
...by anti-spring extremists.
[In a monologue about springs directed at his golf partners, implied by several cuts to be extremely lengthy]
I never realised until lately that springs have such a universal use. Why, there's springs in mousetraps, guns, exercisers, hinges, pogo sticks...
MAMike [as friend]
Guns, huh?
Why, I can't think of anything that doesn't involve the use of a spring in one way or another! [inexplicably looks into sky]
CACrow [as Gilbert]
Hey, look! God has a spring!
[Gilbert finally finishes lecturing his friends on springs as he pulls up to Joe's house.]
Hey, Joe! Wake up!
CACrow [as Gilbert]
It's Coily's army of darkness! Look!
. . .
JJoe
You and your springs! I hope I never see another--
Stop! Don't say it! Don't ever wish anything like that as long as you live!
[Gilbert looks down to see Coily the Spring Sprite materialize on his car seat. Coily cackles.]
SAServo [as Coily]
You'll be the first to die!
["A Jam Handy Production" credit is shown]
CCrow
Jam Handy, reminding you to keep your preserves in a convenient place!
Squirm (movie)
[The title SQUIRM appears on the screen.]
Well, I don't know why, but okay.
[Mike, Crow, and Servo all squirm around in their seats.]
[the preface ends with "This is the story..."]
[dramatically] Of a man named Jed!
SAServo [as Granny Clampett]
JEDDDDD!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.