[Shot of a bomb timer, counting down extremely quickly]
CCrow
Introducing new, faster seconds!
S10Future War
[As the Runaway fights the Cyborg, the camera cuts to Ann fidgeting nervously]
CACrow [as Ann]
I'm fretting. See, audience? I'm fretting.
This isn't a real movie, it's more of a movie loaf.
Yeah, it's made from real movie parts, chunked and formed.
[During one of the many, many inept action scenes.]
CCrow
OK, my theory is that the director shot the entire movie without looking at it.
[The Runaway and the Cyborg Master's fight is filled with various continuity errors, as pointed out by Mike.]
Huh??
The movie that packs more "Huhs" per second!
AAnn
Everything he wanted was everything I needed...
CACrow [as Ann]
So neither of us actually got anything.
CCrow
I could mention that this isn't the future and it's not a war, but you know me, I don't like to complain.
Alright there should be a delay of movie penalty
Servo [makes whistle sound] fifteen yards.
[Ann and the Runaway escape a dinosaur in the back of a man's pickup truck.]
AAnn
DRIIIIIVE!
SUUUUURGE!
AAnn
DRIIIIIIIIVE!
CACrow [as driver]
Look, how much more can I drive? There's no inherent quantity of driving that I can increase! ...If you want me to go faster, then you need to tell me that.
S10Blood Waters of Dr. Z
Blood waters, huh? Guess Dr. Z had a little kidney problem.
[Close-up of some unidentifiable part of a fish.]
Please enjoy a fish anus.
[Mad narrator Dr. Leopold discusses how the walking catfish moves.]
Forward progress is made with a snake-like slither and a vigorous thrashing of the tail.
CACrow [as Narrator]
...like Courtney Love.
[Leopold the fish monster attacks a swimming beauty in a bikini.]
He's a Cop-a-feel-acanth.
[INPIT agent Martha Walsh begins to strip out of her jumpsuit.]
Mike, how come you don't look like this in your jumpsuit?
CCrow
A-are you sure you're buying the right kind of jumpsuit?
Hmmm...
[Dr. Leopold lumbers into town after having turned himself into a half-man, half-catfish monster.]
[excited] Oh! Oh! Oh! You know who they need to take care of him? Huh? Do you know? Huh? Do you know? Catfish Hunter, that's who! Ha ha ha!
[unimpressed] Hmm... that doesn't really work for me. See, the guy changed his name.
CCrow
Yeah, to Catfish Chapstick, so the joke doesn't work.
[deflated] Oh... but it was a good joke! Wordplay like that doesn't come around so often.
But it only works if you get the correct, current name.
[disappointed] So the joke doesn't work? Sheesh...
. . .
Tom, are... are you sulking?
[angrily] No!
Yes you are, look--look, I'm sorry. It was a good joke...
CCrow
No! No it wasn't, Mike, 'cause his name is Catfish Chapstick...
Ssshh! He's suffered enough.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.