[Raiders attack the shuttlecraft, in scenes lifted from 1978's "Battlestar Galactica"]
Special effects by Industrial Light and Morons.
S8Space Mutiny
[Lea, wearing a space-age leotard, runs toward the burning shuttlecraft]
CACrow [as Lea]
My Buns of Steel videos are in there!
[Shot of the Santa Claus-esque Commander Jansen looking worried]
SAServo [as Jansen]
But what of the little children and their toys?
Whoever did this knew his way around spaceships.
I agree.
MAMike [as Jensen]
I don't know if this helps, but ho ho ho.
[Kalgan drives into shot in a vehicle marked "ENFORCER"]
MAMike [as Kalgan]
Hey, you guys, I got my dad's Enforcer for the weekend!
[The ship's engineering crew have decided to join the mutiny, with one exception]
MMacPhearson
Gentlemen, it seems that we are not all in agreement.
I disagree!
MMacPhearson
Engineer Parsons seems content to spend his remaining years upon the Southern Sun.
CEChief Engineer
Then let him do so alone.
EPEngineer Parsons
This is mutiny! This is treason, which I warn you I must report.
CACrow [as Parsons]
I just have to wet myself first.
MMacPhearson
Will you allow him to spoil your ambitions for a greater future?
CEChief Engineer
We'll not allow that! No!
The easily led wise council.
[the assembled engineers grab hold of Parsons, shove him onto the meeting table and beat him up]
EPEngineer Parsons
Let me go, traitors!
MAMike [as Parsons]
What I meant was, I totally endorse what you're doing! G-owww!
CCrow
Rip his band uniform, then he'll have to pay for it!
Next, they're going to give him books so they can dump them.
CCrow
Death by snicker-snag!
[the engineers pin Parsons to the floor, and MacPhearson stabs him through the heart with his walking stick]
I'm going to inflate him to 35lbs!
SAServo [as MacPhearson]
Okay, moving on to number three on our agenda, "Sherry's birthday party."
MMacPhearson
Are there any other of you that wish to confuse freedom... with treason?
I'd like to confuse bok choi with cabbage, sir!
MMacPhearson
Report to the enforcers' bridge.
Well, at least it's the rare meeting where something actually got done!
[Ryder and Lea are arguing about his effort to save someone from the burning shuttlecraft]
RRyder
Listen, lady!
LLea
Doctor!
RRyder
Doctor.
CCrow
Doctor Lady!
. . .
RRyder
I had to eject! I had no other choice!
SAServo [as Lea]
That's Doctor I Had No Other Choice!
. . .
[later, Ryder tries to make up with Lea]
RRyder
Listen, uh . . . I understand how you feel.
It's Doctor Listen Uh I Understand How You Feel.
[Kalgan pushes a mop-haired engineer off a railing]
Oh, no, the death of Rick Springfield!
I just wish I had Jessie's Giiiiiiiiiiirl!
[Ryder and Lea jump into an "Enforcer" (resembling a tiny bowling alley floor-polisher) to chase bad-guy Kalgan]
Herve Villechaize's Death Car.
Jeez, you could walk on your hands and catch up to the guy!
CACrow [as Ryder]
Put your helmet on, we'll be reaching speeds of three!
. . .
CACrow [as Kalgan]
We need both horsepowers on this thing!
. . .
[Ryder fires at Kalgan using the Enforcer's side-mounted laser cannons]
MAMike [as Bodyguard]
I can't go any faster, I'd have to drop the waxing compound!
[The Sting-like Capt. Devers enters the main control room]
SAServo [as Devers]
[singing] De do do do, de da da da, is all I want to say to you...
[Devers passes Lt. Lamont, who was just killed in the previous scene]
Hey, wait, she's dead!
Yeah, she's dead!
She died!
[Devers sits down with Cmdr. Jansen]
Commander Jansen?
CACrow [as Devers]
I think it was very nice of you to give that dead woman another chance.
. . .
[Jansen and Devers discuss the report on the space pirates]
I think they want to drive us into the neighboring constellation.
Helveca?
MAMike [as Devers]
Oh, I love that font!
. . .
It's very perilous for everyone on board...we do not make wild accusations...so we keep this Top Classified Secret.
SAServo [as Cmdr. Jansen]
Top Super-Duper Maxi-Extreme Ultra Secret.
. . .
[Devers again walks past the formerly-deceased lieutenant]
MAMike [as Devers]
'Kay, look alive, everybod-- oh...sorry, Susan.
[Chief engineer MacPhearson hobbles away from a firefight]
CACrow [as MacPhearson]
A horse! My kingdom for a horse!
[referring to another character] Sir, we both know there's only one man here who's capable of combat. A man who's had training, both physically and mentally.
Alright.
CACrow [as Jansen]
Fetch me my warrior muumuu.
[Dave Ryder shakes hands with Lea's father, Cmdr. Jansen]
We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese.
[Ryder heroically heads off to face Kalgan.]
There goes a big, brave brick of meat.
[Lea narrowly dodges Kalgan and Ryder's incoming Enforcers]
Toro! Toro! These cars are made by Toro!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.