Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The letter A (for "Airplane") is represented by a herd of cows boarding an airplane.]
Crow: Oh, great. I know I'm going to sit next to one of these people.
Crow: Oh, great. I know I'm going to sit next to one of these people.
[The letter D (for "Dancing") is represented as a group of children dancing.]
Servo: D is for damned, as in "Village Of".
. . .
Crow [as dancing boy/Hitler]: You vill dance with me, Eva!
Servo: D is for damned, as in "Village Of".
. . .
Crow [as dancing boy/Hitler]: You vill dance with me, Eva!
[The letter G is represented by giraffes. One of them looks to the camera.]
Servo [as giraffe]: I want a Clark bar.
Servo [as giraffe]: I want a Clark bar.
[The letter I (for "In") is represented by the White House.]
Joel: I is for Ike. He hides inside.
Joel: I is for Ike. He hides inside.
[The letter R (for "Ribbon") is represented by children dancing around the maypole.]
Crow: Hey, these are all boys!
. . .
Joel: Hey, there's Jack Klugman and Tony Randall!
Crow: Hey, these are all boys!
. . .
Joel: Hey, there's Jack Klugman and Tony Randall!
[The lovely Eva is removing her skimpy frock as she passes a staircase.]
Mike: Wow! Dangerously steep stairs!
Servo: You're watching the stairs?
Crow: Poor Mike...
Mike: Wow! Dangerously steep stairs!
Servo: You're watching the stairs?
Crow: Poor Mike...
[The lumpy-haired Kitty cries after Blake forces her to break up with Jimmy.]
Servo [as Kitty]: If I had parents, I'd accuse them right now!
Crow: I accuse her hair!
Servo [as Kitty]: If I had parents, I'd accuse them right now!
Crow: I accuse her hair!
[The Mads have just had a pizza delivered by Torgo.]
Frank: Say, it's been two hours, but this pizza is still warm!
[Dr. Forrester and Frank suddenly look at each other in horror, and vomit.]
Torgo: They always do that!
Season 5
Frank: Say, it's been two hours, but this pizza is still warm!
[Dr. Forrester and Frank suddenly look at each other in horror, and vomit.]
Torgo: They always do that!
Season 5
[The main hero prances around in a fight with the enemy]
Crow: They're being defeated by a wispy bachelor.
. . .
[During the "fight", a senior Neptune Man stares out of the rocket's window as his comrades ineffectually stagger about]
Crow [as Neptune Man]: ...What the hell are they doing out there?!
Crow: They're being defeated by a wispy bachelor.
. . .
[During the "fight", a senior Neptune Man stares out of the rocket's window as his comrades ineffectually stagger about]
Crow [as Neptune Man]: ...What the hell are they doing out there?!
[The Martian spaceship (a model spewing a flickering flame) flies toward Earth.]
Joel [as Announcer]: Cricket lighter away! Cricket lighter.
Servo: [in nerdy voice] You know�� if they cancel Battlestar Galactica, I'm gonna kill myself.
Joel [as Announcer]: Cricket lighter away! Cricket lighter.
Servo: [in nerdy voice] You know�� if they cancel Battlestar Galactica, I'm gonna kill myself.
[The Master has just awoken his wives, now chattering in a circle as he looks on, annoyed.]
Crow [as The Master]: What was I thinking?
Joel [as Announcer]: Women who lunch.
Servo [as Announcer]: And the Manos who love them -- next Donahue.
. . .
Joel: You know, this scene is strong enough for a Manos, but made for a Womanos.
Servo: ...and now, back to We Married Manos!
Crow [as The Master]: What was I thinking?
Joel [as Announcer]: Women who lunch.
Servo [as Announcer]: And the Manos who love them -- next Donahue.
. . .
Joel: You know, this scene is strong enough for a Manos, but made for a Womanos.
Servo: ...and now, back to We Married Manos!
[The Master stands in Torgo's room as Torgo awakens from sleep and slowly gets up from the bed, which results in about a minute-long period of silence and nothing happening.]
Joel: [snapping] DO SOMETHING!!! God!
Joel: [snapping] DO SOMETHING!!! God!
[The mature alien captain emerges from the spaceship.]
Crow: Wow, really old teenagers from outer space.
Crow: Wow, really old teenagers from outer space.
[The members of court are performing a dance.]
Servo: [singing] "Night fever, night fever/We know how to do it!"
Servo: [singing] "Night fever, night fever/We know how to do it!"
[The military downs one giant grasshopper, but the others close in.]
Crow [as Grasshopper]: They got Jiminy! Get em!
. . .
Mike [as general]: We have got to get organized! We should not be losing to grasshoppers, people!
Crow [as Grasshopper]: They got Jiminy! Get em!
. . .
Mike [as general]: We have got to get organized! We should not be losing to grasshoppers, people!