Mystery Science Theater 3000 quotes
1930 total quotes[The gray-haired and fat head of NoviCorp is giving a speech during the opening credits.]
Mike: Wow. TV's Frank!
Servo: Wow. Frank's really come up in the world.
Mike: Wow. TV's Frank!
Servo: Wow. Frank's really come up in the world.
[The Great Vorelli holding a knife looking at Hugo in the cage]
The Great Vorelli: Hugo...
Mike [as the Great Vorelli]: Have you been shaving your legs with this again?
The Great Vorelli: Hugo...
Mike [as the Great Vorelli]: Have you been shaving your legs with this again?
[The Great Vorelli is seducing a woman in direct line of sight of his dummy]
Mike [as Hugo]: Please cover my cage...
Mike [as Hugo]: Please cover my cage...
[The Great Vorelli on stage with a volunteer]
The Great Vorelli: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to suggest to this man that his life is in danger...
Servo [as the Great Vorelli]: Then I'll be right back.
The Great Vorelli: That he may die at any moment.
[The Great Vorelli turns to the volunteer]
Crow [as the Great Vorelli]: Your life is in danger and you may die at any moment. THANK YOU!
The Great Vorelli: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm going to suggest to this man that his life is in danger...
Servo [as the Great Vorelli]: Then I'll be right back.
The Great Vorelli: That he may die at any moment.
[The Great Vorelli turns to the volunteer]
Crow [as the Great Vorelli]: Your life is in danger and you may die at any moment. THANK YOU!
[The group sing as music plays and the credits start to roll]
Servo: Oh baby, Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!
Crow: He comes to save the day in a broken truck.
Mike: With a stinky denim jacket on his back.
Crow: He couldn't help this movie, which really sucked!
Mike: But at least we didn't have to see him play [falters] h-hackey sack....
Servo: What?!
Mike: Sorry, I panicked.
Servo: Oh baby, Rowsdower saves us and saves all the world!
Crow: He comes to save the day in a broken truck.
Mike: With a stinky denim jacket on his back.
Crow: He couldn't help this movie, which really sucked!
Mike: But at least we didn't have to see him play [falters] h-hackey sack....
Servo: What?!
Mike: Sorry, I panicked.
[The guinea pig begins to disappear.]
Crow: Oh, he's with the William Morris Agency.
Crow: Oh, he's with the William Morris Agency.
[The guitarist of the band sings while rolling his eyes back into his head]
Crow: MY SKULL!
Crow: MY SKULL!
[The heroes are observing a captured grasshopper when the general walks in.]
Crow [as general]: I just came to see what you did with the grant money...Oh my God!
. . .
[As the grasshopper breaks free, Peter Graves's character picks up a gun and begins firing wildly at it.]
Crow: Pete! Pete! Short, controlled bursts!
Crow [as general]: I just came to see what you did with the grant money...Oh my God!
. . .
[As the grasshopper breaks free, Peter Graves's character picks up a gun and begins firing wildly at it.]
Crow: Pete! Pete! Short, controlled bursts!
[The high-energy narrator mentions skiing, but pronounces it "shiing".]
Narrator: ...And "shiing" is the correct pronunciation, they tell us!
Joel: Yeah, well, you're full of skit.
. . .
[A few moments later, a title card appears on the screen reading "Cross-country skiing amid scenes of winter magnificence in Canada's snow-covered playgrounds."]
Tom: Srosh-country shee-ing amid skeens of winter magnifishence in Sanada's shnow-sovered playgrounschs.
It Conquered the World (movie)
Narrator: ...And "shiing" is the correct pronunciation, they tell us!
Joel: Yeah, well, you're full of skit.
. . .
[A few moments later, a title card appears on the screen reading "Cross-country skiing amid scenes of winter magnificence in Canada's snow-covered playgrounds."]
Tom: Srosh-country shee-ing amid skeens of winter magnifishence in Sanada's shnow-sovered playgrounschs.
It Conquered the World (movie)
[The Hunchback Fairy has placed Ivan on a wooden server and is preparing to put him in her oven.]
Ivan: Look, Hunchback Fairy, I'm sorry!
Fairy: Are you afraid?
Ivan: Well, it's just that I've never been pushed into an oven, and it's the first time I've ever sat on a shovel!
Mike [as Ivan]: ...the flat part, anyway.
Ivan: Look, Hunchback Fairy, I'm sorry!
Fairy: Are you afraid?
Ivan: Well, it's just that I've never been pushed into an oven, and it's the first time I've ever sat on a shovel!
Mike [as Ivan]: ...the flat part, anyway.
[The intrepid explorers explode dynamite all over the lagoon to stun the Creature into surfacing.]
Servo: Ah, ha-ha! The Charlton Heston Fish Locator.
Servo: Ah, ha-ha! The Charlton Heston Fish Locator.
[The judge speaks to the all-female jury, whose members stand single-file and are dressed in cheerleader-style skirts.]
Judge Eden: The jury will now vote and find you guilty or not guilty for inflicting injury on a Rheton man.
Servo [as Jury]: [cheering]
Judge Eden: The jury will now vote and find you guilty or not guilty for inflicting injury on a Rheton man.
Servo [as Jury]: [cheering]
[The jungle explorers trudge through stage sets of Africa, interspersed with stock footage of jungle animals.]
Crow [as Guide]: Well, we'd better camp here tonight. The next stock footage is 18 miles away.
Crow [as Guide]: Well, we'd better camp here tonight. The next stock footage is 18 miles away.
[The kids are playing in the hay]
Servo [as city girl]: But I have to be careful with my new jeans 'cause I just got them at Pamida!
Servo [as city girl]: But I have to be careful with my new jeans 'cause I just got them at Pamida!