Joel Robinson quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

That's 'cause it's made out of velour.

. . .

Just cut the wires, Ator!

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[Barbarian Ator leaps from a cliff in a rather modern-looking hang-glider.]

Oh, come on.

What the…?!

[laughs]

Joel

Terrific. [childlike voice] I'm the luckiest boy in the world! I have slipped the surly bounds of Earth and touched the hand of God!

This is a little ridiculous. Okay, so… he kills a deer, he tans the hides, he stretches the skins, he makes an anodized aluminum frame, he learns how to extrude and weld… all in about five minutes, huh? […] learned aerodynamics…

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[Ator glides over the castle walls, dropping hand-made bombs on the guards.]

Message for you, sir! Oh, he also made bombs while he was up there.

Joel

Looks like he's gonna carpet-bomb.

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[Despite flying over a castle amidst a mountain range, Ator brings his glider in for a landing in an open field.]

Joel

Oh, he's landing in the outback now.

[The scene then switches to Ator landing on top of said castle.]

Uh-- huh?

Joel

How'd he do that?

SAServo [as Ator]

How'd I do that?

[Ator draws his swords and charges into battle.]

Joel

Well, I s'pose he's got a tank in the courtyard, now.

Yeah, and it's made out of coconuts.

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[The scene cuts from the cruising camper to the cave, emitting a red glow.]

Joel

Oh, terrific -- we were saved by the gates of Hell.

Hey, what is it about the gates of Hell that compels people to wander into 'em?

JAJoel [as Adman]

It's because of Smuckers raspberry preserves.

And what's he going to do, borrow a cup of sugar from Satan?

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[The musicians park their camper by a river. The forest sounds include synthesized musical chirps.]

Syntho-birds.

Hey, it's a Casio forest.

Joel

They parked next to a data stream.

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[Tommy shows Trumpy how to work a jigsaw puzzle.]

TTommy

You see? The pieces go together.

Joel

Oh, if only this film were so lucky.

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[With Trumpy's help, Tommy sees African-veldt stock footage through his telescope.]

Joel

They got Wild Kingdom on the telescope.

. . .

TTommy

You can do magic things!

[Trumpy turns to reveal his eyes blazing with white light.]

CACrow [as Trumpy]

It's called "evil", kid.

Hey, he's got his high-beams on. Hmm?

Joel

He's got Bette Davis eyes.

Orphan Annie eyes.

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TSTommy's mother

Tommy, can you hear me?

JAJoel [as Tommy's mother]

Can you feel me near you?

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Joel

I can't bring them down! I don't know how it works!

I'm stuck! I'm stuck! (screams)

. . .

Joel

Oh, we've got commercial sign!!

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[L is represented by stock footage of a parade. A large ice cream cone is seen]

Joel

Elvis has ordered an ice cream cone.

. . .

[Later, a balloon of an overweight man is shown.]

Joel

And there's Elvis now.

. . .

[The same stock footage of the parade, this time featuring nursery rhyme-themed, floats is shown to represent N.]

[before the narrator can talk] N is for float... huh?

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NNarrator

O is for once...

"Once"? O is for "Once"? What, was there a writer's strike?

. . .

[The clip is a series of animals plowing a field.]

O is for the obscene treatment of animals.

. . .

Joel

P is for PETA, who's boycotting this. And this. And this.

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NNarrator

Q is for the queer, queer pelican / Whose beak can hold more than his belican!

JAJoel [as Narrator]

P is for plagiarism from Ogden Nash! [N]

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[The letter R (for "Ribbon") is represented by children dancing around the maypole.]

Hey, these are all boys!

. . .

Joel

Hey, there's Jack Klugman and Tony Randall!

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[Hefty villain Sidney Chillas invites Phil "Daddy-O" Sandifer to his office to discuss a "business opportunity".]

JAJoel [as Chillas]

Let's eat some butter. Gobs of butter. Big handfuls!

[Sidney hands Phil a fake driver's license.]

PPhil

What's this?

SAServo [as Chillas]

It's made of butter.