Tom Servo quotes from Mystery Science Theater 3000

The whole movie was leading up to this shot.

Brought to you by the Breast Council.

Buy breasts where you work or bank!

We breathe as one. We are one.

You know, early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

When I touch you…

I think about myself. No, no, no, wait.

…we will be one.

We'll be me, for convenience' sake.

Servo

Smolkin's naked sometimes, Mike.

Mike

[cringing] Ohh. Damn you, Servo!

Thy voyage to this age was down a long, long road…

Route 666!

…that tied Diana to Helen. It was a road from living mind to living mind.

…to sleeping audience.

Here you are fixed! Make of a local life what comfort, sport, and joy thou may.

Servo

[singing to "God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen"] O-ho, tidings of comfort, sport, and joy!

Servo

Apparently there were Hardware Hanks during the middle ages.

Gettest thou a cemetery full of savings at Menards!

[as Smolkin] And would thoust get me a Mad Magazine?

Servo

[as Smolkin] I have to watch Mad About You tonight!

Now there's an interesting sample!

Now there's an interesting line read!

What is it?

Don't know yet.

Servo

Remember, when making a dramatic film, be sure to use genuine actors.

I thought scientists were great explorers of the unknown.

I'll do my exploring in the laboratory, if you don't mind.

I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine! [N]

Now what's going on?

Who's that other guy?

Where are we going?

What is this fluid under my feet?

What happened to the day-ball?

Let's chip in and buy this movie a life.

Think, Bob. Throughout human history, what has been the first activity of explorers of any new region?

Genocide?

Slavery?

Diseased blanket spreading?

Servo

This is the same sumptuously detailed set that was later used in The Age of Innocence!

Or was it Sense and Sensibility?

Mike

I think it was Barfly.

Yeah, that's it.

I knew her when she was a carnival follower. Every time we'd hit a town, she'd be there, waiting for us.

Servo

So she's a carnival preceder.

Maybe we could talk about it over a cup of coffee.

I'd like that.

Would you like a C cup or a D cup of coffee?

My first question: will I get the part in This Island Earth?

What year is it, Andrea?

[singing] The year of the cat.

1618, the Year of Our Lord.

In 'artford, 'ereford, and 'ampshire.

Who is the reigning monarch?

James Stuart.

Now, wait a second. You're crazy, and you're driving me crazy, too!

Servo

[gasps] Donald Duck has the Ring of Power!

Frodo goes snorkling!