A character in Mystery Science Theater 3000
Played by Kevin Murphy
Mystery Science Theater 3000 · 3,167 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Mystery Science Theater 3000: in 1,542 of its 3,167 quotes
Most scenes with: Crow T. Robot (818), Mike Nelson (393), Joel Robinson (294)
Well, if Frank goes through with his plan, that means no more mad scientists!
ServoWhich means no more evil experiments!
Which means no more Deep 13!
Which means no way can we ever, ever get down to Earth!
ServoWhich eventually means no more Satellite of Love!
Which means no more... [they finally realize what would happen and faint from shock]
...We've got to help Dr. Forrester save Deep 13!
We just got to find a way to stop Frank, but how?
Yeah, that's the sixty-four dollar question... wait! I've got an idea! A door-to-door search! Gypsy, can you give me a schematic of the whole city?
You want the suburbs too?
All the way to the sticks! I want to see barns and cows and roosters!
There goes my vacation!
Thanks, doll-face! [tries to kiss Gypsy]
Get out of here, you lug!
ServoAll right, all right, all right! Hold everything! Ha ha! Got the report back from the lab, and guess whose fingerprints are all over the ransom notes?
Uh, probably Frank's. He signed it.
ServoOh, that's right I guess...
This is a dead end, a blank wall, an empty check!
It's no piece of cake, that's for sure!
Wait!, Hold it Gypsy, say that again...
I said, "It is no piece of cake!"
Potato cakes! That's it!
Potato cakes?
Remind me to buy you a new hat next payday sweetheart! [hugs and kisses Gypsy]
Wow...!
[Mike and the bots enter the theater. The logo for Universal Studios Productions, similar to the movie studio's logo at the time, is seen over a drum fanfare.]
Hey, watch out for Mountain Sized Meteor Park.
[The logo fades.]
ServoHey, big friggin' deal!
[David comes home to find his TV is on and his living room is a mess; the sounds of a Looney Tunes cartoon blare from the TV.]
Carl Stalling's in his house!
[Angle on the TV reveals that it's the Sylvester cartoon Canned Feud.]
Hey, something good!
ServoAll right!
. . .
Oh, that's right, I rented the spare room to Elmer Fudd.
[Marriage counselor Mr. Hall uses two wooden dolls and a large rubber band to discuss the strain of relationships with teenagers Larry and Sue.]
When you two first met, there was probably an early physical reaction...
Oh yeah!
...A romantic attraction that pulled you together, a love appeal that hits you sort of...boing!
You saw my boing?
How did you know?
Well, it happened to me. It happens to some degree to most couples who become happily married. But it takes more than just "boing".
Sometimes there's a "shplurt"!
For you see, if you're too far apart psychologically…
…if one of you is cuckoo…
[Hall gestures to the distance between the dolls, then stretches out the rubber band again…]
…if your backgrounds are not similar enough, it can cause a great deal of argument and unhappiness, until…
[…and suddenly snaps the rubber band, which flies off.]
It's gone!
Where'd it go?!
We're gonna die!
That's what you'll be saying about your romantic love, if these other things cause a breakup.
BUT WHERE'S THE RUBBER BAND?!
[The couple leaves the church, as Sue thinks in voiceover.]
Do we have similar backgrounds?
Do we have any priors?
Do we agree on our religious beliefs...
I worship Cthulhu!
...and have the same feelings about... religion in general?
You know, God and stuff.
Do we have the same ideals... and standards... and tastes?
So give to me your leather, take from me my lace.
Hey, Joe!
Where you going with that gun in your hand?
[We see a large banquet taking place]
It might just be the wine, Lars, but you're a pretty man...
Sven, no! You mustn't!
[Vilya presents her magic tablecloth to Ilya, who is quite pleased.]
Now you must rest from your labors, my busy little wife.
Let us the nasty do.
[The camera pans slowly over a recent battlefield, the bodies being pecked by carrion birds]
Crows! My brethren! See what a grand and noble creature they are?
Servo[doubtfully] Uh huh...
[a flashback reveals Dudley's past poor delivery habits]
Today, I go after a grocer's goodwill a little different.
Watch me come on to a grocer.
. . .
[Dudley tries to impress grocer Mr. Marco by complimenting his new carts]
Hey, something new! [pushes cart experimentally]
Be a shame if this ran over your kid...
You see, I want every grocer on my route thinking...
[cut to a montage of grocers]
What a moron.
That Bill Dudley is OK. Never slams doors. Always seems friendly, always got a smile.
What's he on?
Always interested in my store, treats my place with respect.
What does he want from me?
Never slams his trays around, or makes a nuisance of himself.
Why can't he leave me alone?
I like to do business with salesmen like that.
But his bread sucks.
The ear is the human organ the public speaker is most likely to try to impress as he makes a speech.
…after the human nipple.
Now, just suppose you were a beautiful doll with rosy cheeks and big blue eyes...
...Okay...
...a doll that never talked.
[nervously] Just do what he says...
Or a tree, that basked in the warm sunshine and rustled in the breeze: a tree that never spoke.
ServoNow you're a can opener! Metal and shiny and taciturn!
[The narrator is describing appropriate clothing while a shady-looking man dresses.]
Be sure to wear a clean shirt...
Be sure to get a brand-new chin.
...and your favorite tie.
ServoNow you're ready to rub out Sonny Corleone!
Mike NelsonMichael J. Nelson · 824 quotes
Joel RobinsonJoel Hodgson · 542 quotes
NNarrator224 quotes
JJonah171 quotes
GGypsy75 quotes
EEmily69 quotes
CFDr. Clayton Forrester57 quotes
PFPearl Forrester26 quotes
MMax22 quotes
KFKinga Forrester21 quotes
JPJack Perkins20 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Mystery Science Theater 3000 pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.