Adam quotes from My Gym Partner's a Monkey

[to Coach Gills] Excuse me ma'am, but these plays aren't so hard to remember. [puts away football playbook] Rollout Option Pass, the offensive line blocks down to prevent a defender from following the pulling guard and the tight end double teams the OT's man. If the defender changes the cover to block, the Quarterback runs behind his two blockers, sending the play into second option.

What just happened?

After a whole day of everyone finding their natural enemies, [smiles] turns out, I don't even have one. [James walks up to him and kicks him in the shin]

[grabs Rufus by the collar; irritated] LAUGH OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!

What happened?

You went totally ape and stuff, but Nurse Gazelle got you back to normal.

Nice shooting, nurse, in spite of your itty-bitty brain.

Thanks, but it wasn't the blowdart alone that did the trick.

Yeah, it was booty killed the beast. What, you don't get it? Booty as in my butt. It's a play on words. [faculty and students leave] Hey wait! Maybe I didn't sell it. [points to his butt with an arrow] Booty...killed...the... beast!!! Heh, I guess some people don't appreciate great literature.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking I aced that bad boy.

What?! Didn't I tell you not to the questions right, or you'd end up with… [covers his mouth] The Spiffies?

The Spiffies are the smartest kids in school, fool.

Eh, a bunch of dorks.

Jake, just because they're smart, doesn't mean they're… [cut to him in Mr. Blowhole's class, sitting with the Spiffies] Dorks? [The Spiffies laugh and snort] Although, I could be wrong about that.

Please welcome our newest overachiever, Adam Lyon.

Excuse me, Mr. Blowhole. But I think might being here is a big mistake.

You, think? You don't look capable of it.

Lyon! Are you planning on making us lose the district physical fit test?!

Sorry, Coach Gills. I didn't eat lunch, so I'm feeling kind of lightheaded.

[screams] Lightheaded?! The kid's over exerted! [takes out a megaphone] CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!

So, you're lightheaded, eh?

Yeah, I forgot my lunch today and-

[screams] The kid's got an eating disorder! Code blue! Code blue!

So, Adam, what's this about you refusing to eat the cafeteria food? Let's rap about that.

I'm just not gonna eat twigs and bugs for lunch.

[screams] He's on a hunger strike! Code blue! Code blue!

I hear you're refusing to eat the cafeteria food, unless we add something that's fit for human consumption.

I don't wanna cause any trouble. I just wanna be able to eat something at lunch.

He's gonna sue! Give him whatever he wants! Code blue! Code blue!

[to Jake] The best Jungle Guy can...make a soufflé.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

I'm glad you're here Adam, 'cause you're so-o-o smart.

I'm not that smart. I think chocolate milk comes from a brown cow.

Uh, well, I look forward to the Easter bunny coming every Christmas.

Don't look at me, I think professional wrestling is real.

I can't even spell real.

It's R-E-A-L. [mechanical arm powers up its drill] Darn it!

That's what you get for being such a smarty pants.

Who's having a birthday party?

I am.

Oh, it is going to be like the one you had in first grade? Where you wet your pants and cried.

No, that's not going to happen again.

Why? Are you going to wear a stupid diaper? What other stupid stuff are you going to do? Invite your stupid animal friends? I'm sure they'll do something to make you look stupid.

[to Adam] Don't listen to Chad. He's just [pauses] stupid.

Uh, Jake. That's not popcorn. It's asbestos.

[continues to eat asbestos, which is actually bat guano] I don't speak Greek, but whatever it is, needs more butter.

Gee, Kerry, you look great in your slamming cammies and face protector. [A doorbell is heard, walks to the front door and opens it, revealing Jake, Slips, and Windsor all standing in the doorway; surprised] Huh?!

Hey, Adam!

What are you guys doing here?

What are we doing here? Oh, good one, Adam. Don't you remember six weeks ago when we passed each other in the hall, and we right before you were almost out of earshot, I whispered that we should have a sleepover at your house tonight?

No. (I don't remember that.)

Oh. Well, don't worry about it. [he, Slips, and Windsor enter the house] We're here, and that's what counts.

Hey Adam, you know what I want to be?

Umm, let me guess. A zoo animal.

No way! I want to be an underwear model.

I almost hate to ask, but why?

'Cause I've always wanted to see what it's like to wear underwear.

But you don't even wear pants.

Look Adam; Every time I see a monkey on T.V., he's either naked or wearing diapers. It's time for me to step up and blaze a new trail for simians everywhere! And that trail happens to involve [deepens his voice] big boy pants!

Uh, Jake? I don't have any music in there.

Then where'd you get that--

Exclusive Truffles Duvall pre-release? That's for us to know, and for you to wait seven more weeks until it's released to the mass market.

Um, hi. I don't believe we've met. [sticks out his hand] I'm Adam. Okay. And just who are you? [Jake slaps him] Ow!

Don't sass them, Adam, they haven't in with Truffles.

Did you just ask who we are?

Yeah, you heard me. Who are- [Jake slaps him again] Ow!

Keep it quiet, Adam, they're the cool kids.

[climbing up] Forgot my tape recorder.

You still use a tape recorder? That is so garage sale. [pushes Adam down the mountain]

Excuse you.

Jake, you need to drop the cool act for one second and listen. I have something you need to hear. [plays the tape recorder]

[through recorder] That spidermonkey kid is so low watt. Like he hasn't figured that the only reason we invited him into our gang is because he's good at picking arc ticks.

[through recorder] Yeah, stupid was so much 2004. [laughter is heard as Jake whimpers sadly over hearing this] Shh, quiet, someone's coming.

[through recorder] Forgot my tape recorder. [stops the recorder]

[heartbroken] This… is… Is that true? Those guys were just using me?

I'm afraid so.