Principal Pixiefrog quotes from My Gym Partner's a Monkey

[about Slips] Oh, yuck! That snake's got a cold! Germ alert! Germ alert!

This is Principal Pixiefrog with another fun-filled announcement: You're all expelled!!! [a zebra faints] Just kidding, just a little principal's joke. Ok, now for the real announcment.

Spidermonkey was just here. I can almost taste it. [He licks the ground.] YUCK! He's got that Lyon kid with him too. Hey, what the--? Where am I? And how come nobody ever told me? Nobody ever includes me in anything.

Oh! An important message! I better listen to myself!

[through PA] Attention, students. Today is Crazy Unibrow Day. So put on those brows and get wiggling.

I thought we closed down the Rube Goldberg wing. That's a lawsuit waiting to happen.

What happened?

You went totally ape and stuff, but Nurse Gazelle got you back to normal.

Nice shooting, nurse, in spite of your itty-bitty brain.

Thanks, but it wasn't the blowdart alone that did the trick.

Yeah, it was booty killed the beast. What, you don't get it? Booty as in my butt. It's a play on words. [faculty and students leave] Hey wait! Maybe I didn't sell it. [points to his butt with an arrow] Booty...killed...the... beast!!! Heh, I guess some people don't appreciate great literature.

Lyon! Are you planning on making us lose the district physical fit test?!

Sorry, Coach Gills. I didn't eat lunch, so I'm feeling kind of lightheaded.

[screams] Lightheaded?! The kid's over exerted! [takes out a megaphone] CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!

So, you're lightheaded, eh?

Yeah, I forgot my lunch today and-

[screams] The kid's got an eating disorder! Code blue! Code blue!

So, Adam, what's this about you refusing to eat the cafeteria food? Let's rap about that.

I'm just not gonna eat twigs and bugs for lunch.

[screams] He's on a hunger strike! Code blue! Code blue!

I hear you're refusing to eat the cafeteria food, unless we add something that's fit for human consumption.

I don't wanna cause any trouble. I just wanna be able to eat something at lunch.

He's gonna sue! Give him whatever he wants! Code blue! Code blue!

Good shot, Hog! Too bad the lens cap is still on.

It is? Oh, yeah. I guess it is. [flashes a photo of herself and Pixiefrog]

WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND! WE'RE BLIND!

Um, Principal Pixiefrog? Don't you think you're taking this a little too far?

Raining on parades again, Mr. Lyon? Well, let me- wait a minute. Who said that?

I did. See, when Adam became the new Mrs. Warthog, I became the new Adam, Windsor became the new me, Lupe became the new Windsor, Slips became the new Lupe… [45 Minutes Later…] And then Ingrid became the new Mr. Blowhole, and Henry became the new Ingrid.

Henry

[walking by on tall stilts] I never could've imagined the view from up here.

This is all your fault, Warthog!

My fault?! You're the one who cancelled classes!

Well, I never would have done all this if you hadn't opened your big mouth!

Well, you're the one who got totally out of control!

He's not the only one, buddy.

[in unison] Shut up, Adam!

[wakes up] Is it over?

It is now.

Knock it off, you two. Do you guys realize how ridiculous you're acting with this mortal-enemy stuff?

Well, he's a mongoose.

And he's a snake.

And this is nature.

And did that mean anything to you two before Mr. Mandrill pointed it out? No! You were really good friends. Now, I'm gonna undo the ropes, and I want you both to make up and be friends again.

I won't do it!

Me neither.

[hopping in] And that's just fine.

What?

Mr. Lyon, your intentions, as honorable yet entirely contrary to animal nature as they might be, are completely pointless. [to Carl] Mr. Mongoose, your parents are waiting for you in my office. They're withdrawing you from our little slice of heaven and enrolling you in a private all-mongoose academy.

Why?

The usual reason-- to show off their cash. Release them, Mr. Lyon.

All right, listen up, munchkins. My name's Ted, and your names don't matter, so put your empty heads down and shut your yaps while us grown-ups talk business. [points to Donald Deer] You!

[confused] Huh?

Yes, you! Quiet down over there before I take those antlers and mount them on the wall!

[sobbing] It was horrible! He threatened to mount my antlers on a wall! He's so insensitive!

Let me give you the straight poop, swampy. I'm an oxpecker, see, and this piece of roadkill over here has obviously never seen a personality before. He must be having some sort of allergic reaction.

[laughs] Well, the boy is a bit tedious, isn't he?

Wait, Donald! I'm-- We're terribly sorry, P.F. Uh, Ted understands if he has to go now.

Nonsense. He's a fresh, new voice here at Charles Darwin Middle School.

Kissing. You boys have any idea how dangerous this kissing business can be? Oh, I don't mean just a few welts and bruises. I'm talking about a big change that come from a seemingly innocent smooch with a lady.

Uh…don't we need permission slips for this conversation to continue?

[slaps his face in frustration] Kissing is bad! You'd better off, if you just avoid it at all costs!

All right, everyone, who is ready to learn? [the Spiffies take their seats] When we left off yesterday, we had discovered three other ways Gillian could have easily gotten off the island.

Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

We're goners, Jake! You know he loves that marquee! We gotta get rid of it!

I will not! We're in love.

[barges in the classroom] STOP!!!

What's the meaning of this, Pixiefrog? I was promised complete autonomy.

Mr. Spidermonkey has my marquee post!

That monkey's always being disruptive, usually with his butt. If only there was something I could do to stop him. If only there was a way. [starts daydreaming in a medieval world]