Adam quotes from My Gym Partner's a Monkey

Hey, guys. What's going on? [notices Jake's bubble gum act] What are you doing, Jake?

Practicing my act for the talent show.

Uh, Jake, didn't you get banned from the talent show for what you did last year?

[offended as the bubble gum bubbles pop from his ears] Thanks for bursting my bubble by bringing that up, Windsor.

What happened last year?

Let's just say the bubbles came out somewhere else-- somewhere horrible.

Ingrid

[trying to comfort Lupe] Lupe, that vulture wasn't good enough for you. Plus, he stank like old meat.

I loved that musky stench! THANKS FOR THROWING SALT IN MY FRESH AND GAPING WOUNDS, INGRID! [flies away]

Ingrid

Salt's very antibacterial.

Pretty bird!

Pretty monkey!

Pretty stupid.

I'LL NEVER KNOW LOVE, AGAIN! [smashes into the locker and slides down onto the floor]

Whoa, Lupe, you've really hit the wall.

Yes. Yes, I have.

Their love is a sight to behold.

And it's so quiet since Lupe stopped screaming all the time.

Ingrid

Adam, you're like some kind of matchmaking genius for setting them up.

Uh…I didn't really set them up.

Looks like that cheesy snow globe is good as mine! [Adam jumps onto him and gets into a catfight with him as he caught him cheating] What are you doing you silly, stinking, hairless head?! Get off of me!

You big cheater! Using those special glasses!

Are you insane?

What's the matter, Dickie?

[sniffs sadly] Oh, Adam. I spent all me life young life developing this signature look and me peculiar ways. It's what sets me apart from the rest. Bloke sees me and says, "Look, there goes Dickie Sugarjumper and his peculiar ways! Let's throw things at him!" Now, everyone at school has pinched me image and I'm just part of the crowd. [sniffs] It's not fair. It's not fair, I tell you! [breaks down, sobbing] What? What?!

[writing down his notepad] Note to self: Never ask Dickie what's the matter.

You're not gonna be an astronaut all because of the stupid pants?

[enraged] Stupid?! Ohh, that's just what they want you to think!

Hey, I thought car rides made you sick.

Can and did. I used your barf bag when you weren't looking.

That's not a barf bag! That's my lunch!

Really? What are you having? [looks inside] Ew, barf.

Some field trip. Hey, where are we going? Duh, I don't know. Let's drive off a cliff and find out. Animals.

Oho, so that the way it is, eh? Put man out in the wild and his true nature comes out. Well, let me tell you something! [sobs] That true nature hurts.

This is all your fault, Warthog!

My fault?! You're the one who cancelled classes!

Well, I never would have done all this if you hadn't opened your big mouth!

Well, you're the one who got totally out of control!

He's not the only one, buddy.

[in unison] Shut up, Adam!

[wakes up] Is it over?

It is now.

Hey, dudes! This is my new bud, Carl.

Hey, Carl.

What's up?

Dude, did you see Jake and Adam when I was like, "Hey, dudes." Adam's like, "Hey, Carl."

Yeah, and Jake's all like, "What's up?"

Looks like Slips has found a new friend.

Yeah. And he's all like, "weird."

Knock it off, you two. Do you guys realize how ridiculous you're acting with this mortal-enemy stuff?

Well, he's a mongoose.

And he's a snake.

And this is nature.

And did that mean anything to you two before Mr. Mandrill pointed it out? No! You were really good friends. Now, I'm gonna undo the ropes, and I want you both to make up and be friends again.

I won't do it!

Me neither.

[hopping in] And that's just fine.

What?

Mr. Lyon, your intentions, as honorable yet entirely contrary to animal nature as they might be, are completely pointless. [to Carl] Mr. Mongoose, your parents are waiting for you in my office. They're withdrawing you from our little slice of heaven and enrolling you in a private all-mongoose academy.

Why?

The usual reason-- to show off their cash. Release them, Mr. Lyon.

Kissing. You boys have any idea how dangerous this kissing business can be? Oh, I don't mean just a few welts and bruises. I'm talking about a big change that come from a seemingly innocent smooch with a lady.

Uh…don't we need permission slips for this conversation to continue?

[slaps his face in frustration] Kissing is bad! You'd better off, if you just avoid it at all costs!

Please begin your report, Mr. Lyon.

"In 1973, a 783-ton oil tanker crashed…" [getting interrupted by Rufus' laughter; trying to concentrate] "…into an iceberg, killing 1.6 million live animals…" [Rufus continues laughing; snapping agitatedly] YOU THINK THIS IS REALLY FUNNY, HUH, RUFUS?!

[enraged about Rufus] I have had it with that laughing… [wipes his face] FREAK! I have never been so humiliated in my… [wipes his face again] LIFE!!

More humiliated than the time you came to school in your underwear?

[dumbfounded] I thought that was a dream.

[chuckles] No, that was real.

That was more humiliating. Anyway, back to Rufus. Rufus doesn't have any taste in comedy! My grandma has better taste in comedy! And what's up with that laugh?! [mocks Rufus' laughter] That's not a real laugh! That's a laugh of a phony! A phona-rific phony! [A sound of a toilet flushing is heard from the stall and he and Jake turn around to see a fully heartbroken Rufus, hearing everything] Hey, Rufus. You're looking pretty flushed. [chuckles nervously; Rufus suddenly bursts into tears, bawling, and runs out of the boys' bathroom] Rufus, wait!

Come here, my sweet. Shh. [hugs and comforts him]

[showing up with Jake] Rufus!

Do you guys realize what you've done? [Jake and Adam both shake their heads no] Hyenas need to laugh, to survive.

So, Henry, what are you crying about today?

Henry

[sadly sniffling; wipes his nose] Well, fellas, I'm feeling about as low as a legless snake.

Whoa!

Henry

[hops onto the table] When I first came to CDMS, I didn't know if I was ever gonna fit in. I felt about as out of place as a blind jackrabbit on a zamboni.

[driving by on a zamboni] I'm quite comfortable, thank you.

Henry

But thanks to you fellas, CDMS almost became my home. That's why it's gonna be so hard to go back to my old school. Ye-e-e-e-s, sir, my time here is up. So, I'm headin' back to my home in Greenland.

Henry, I didn't know you were an exchange student.

Henry

That's right. But don't be too sad when I leave.