Jake quotes from My Gym Partner's a Monkey

My butt is a classic, a classic has-been.

[showing off his butt routine to the audience] What are you looking at? Okey dokey!

How are you feeling now, sport?

Pizza isn't just complete without toppings. [adds bugs to Adam's slice of pizza]

[impersonating Principal Pixiefrog's voice on the phone] Hello, this is Principal Pixiefrog, we will just let you know we will be cancelling school next week.

[jumping] I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touch---

[sticks a tube in his ear and turns on the helium tank, inflating his butt] I love my butt. And soon the whole world will love my butt!

What happened?

You went totally ape and stuff, but Nurse Gazelle got you back to normal.

Nice shooting, nurse, in spite of your itty-bitty brain.

Thanks, but it wasn't the blowdart alone that did the trick.

Yeah, it was booty killed the beast. What, you don't get it? Booty as in my butt. It's a play on words. [faculty and students leave] Hey wait! Maybe I didn't sell it. [points to his butt with an arrow] Booty...killed...the... beast!!! Heh, I guess some people don't appreciate great literature.

I don't know about you guys, but I'm thinking I aced that bad boy.

What?! Didn't I tell you not to the questions right, or you'd end up with… [covers his mouth] The Spiffies?

The Spiffies are the smartest kids in school, fool.

Eh, a bunch of dorks.

Jake, just because they're smart, doesn't mean they're… [cut to him in Mr. Blowhole's class, sitting with the Spiffies] Dorks? [The Spiffies laugh and snort] Although, I could be wrong about that.

Please welcome our newest overachiever, Adam Lyon.

Excuse me, Mr. Blowhole. But I think might being here is a big mistake.

You, think? You don't look capable of it.

[to Jake] The best Jungle Guy can...make a soufflé.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

I'm glad you're here Adam, 'cause you're so-o-o smart.

I'm not that smart. I think chocolate milk comes from a brown cow.

Uh, well, I look forward to the Easter bunny coming every Christmas.

Don't look at me, I think professional wrestling is real.

I can't even spell real.

It's R-E-A-L. [mechanical arm powers up its drill] Darn it!

That's what you get for being such a smarty pants.

Uh, Jake. That's not popcorn. It's asbestos.

[continues to eat asbestos, which is actually bat guano] I don't speak Greek, but whatever it is, needs more butter.

Gee, Kerry, you look great in your slamming cammies and face protector. [A doorbell is heard, walks to the front door and opens it, revealing Jake, Slips, and Windsor all standing in the doorway; surprised] Huh?!

Hey, Adam!

What are you guys doing here?

What are we doing here? Oh, good one, Adam. Don't you remember six weeks ago when we passed each other in the hall, and we right before you were almost out of earshot, I whispered that we should have a sleepover at your house tonight?

No. (I don't remember that.)

Oh. Well, don't worry about it. [he, Slips, and Windsor enter the house] We're here, and that's what counts.

Hey Adam, you know what I want to be?

Umm, let me guess. A zoo animal.

No way! I want to be an underwear model.

I almost hate to ask, but why?

'Cause I've always wanted to see what it's like to wear underwear.

But you don't even wear pants.

Look Adam; Every time I see a monkey on T.V., he's either naked or wearing diapers. It's time for me to step up and blaze a new trail for simians everywhere! And that trail happens to involve [deepens his voice] big boy pants!

Uh, Jake? I don't have any music in there.

Then where'd you get that--

Exclusive Truffles Duvall pre-release? That's for us to know, and for you to wait seven more weeks until it's released to the mass market.

Um, hi. I don't believe we've met. [sticks out his hand] I'm Adam. Okay. And just who are you? [Jake slaps him] Ow!

Don't sass them, Adam, they haven't in with Truffles.

Did you just ask who we are?

Yeah, you heard me. Who are- [Jake slaps him again] Ow!

Keep it quiet, Adam, they're the cool kids.