TV show quotes
[Duncan keeps ordering Tylor around as Temporary Supervisor]
Up here, College Boy! Down there, College Boy! Open your eyes, College Boy! Here, College Boy! Over there, College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College Boy! College boy!
[Tylor hits Duncan with a propelled scream canister and Duncan retaliates but loses control causing a stack of canisters to topple over and go haywire, knocking the main energy box, causing a blackout on the factory and all of Monstropolis; M.E.R.C. (Monstropolis Energy Regulatory Commission) sends an investigator to look for the cause]
Oh, no. Not him. That's Argus Blinks. He hasn't taken a day off in 20 years. If he finds a problem, he'll shut us down. This could be the end of laugh power.
[approaches Mike and Sulley] Ahem. Argus Blinks, M.E.R.C. investigator. [shows his badge]
James P. Sullivan, CEO, Monsters, Incorporated.
Yes, "Mr. Laugh Energy," I know who you are.
Is that good or bad?
I am here to determine the cause of today's blackout, and whether or not a shutdown or a change in management is in order.
You'll have our full cooperation, sir.
Full cooperation! Now, if you could please sign in. [hands Argus a form; Argus notices a 50 dollar bill clipped to it]
What is this?
That? Oh! [chuckles] That's my lunch money. Or it could be your lunch money.
Ahem, Mike...
Are you trying to bribe me?!
No, no, of course he's not. [whispering to Mike] Put that away.
That's so silly. Now, by chance, have you happened to drop these box seat tickets to the Monstropolis Creepees game, uh, row double-A, seats one through three, free food? Was that possibly yours, by any chance?
Are those my tickets?
Your office, if you please.
Right this way, sir.
Welcome, sir. Mr. Wazowski wants us to bribe you with a brand-new...
Not now, boys. Not now. Excuse the car, sir. It's "Park Anywhere You Want" Day today. [as Argus leaves] Here's a 50. Get rid of the car. Wait, a 20. Here's a 20, get rid of the car. You know what? Forget it. Just get rid of the car.
Aww...
Tylor! You're not gonna believe this. Power's out all over Monstropolis. A M.E.R.C investigator is on his way. Heads are gonna roll... [notices the mess in the canister room] Whoa. What happened?
[in time with Duncan] Duncan did it.
[in time with Tylor] College Boy did it.
Me?! You're in charge!
This is not about me.
I say you both did it.
What? It was your idea.
Yeah. It's your fault.
Well, you acted on it.
Not about me!
It sounds like you're all accountable.
Not about me!
So are you! If it wasn't for you, Duncan wouldn't even be supervisor.
I'm not losing my pension over this.
Well, I'm not losing my shot at the Laugh Floor!
Okay, okay, alright. The only way to save our jobs is to hide all the evidence and make sure nobody ever finds out the truth.
I don't know, Duncan. Sounds like you're suggesting a cover-up.
No! It's not a cover-up. Just a thing where we all conspire to avoid accountability for our actions.
So, a cover-up.
No! Why is this concept so difficult to grasp? Not a cover-up.
[Argus discovers the cause of the power outage through his sentient eyeballs and has called MIFT for a meeting]
As the Facilities Team here at Monsters, Incorporated, all of you are in violation of numerous M.E.R.C. codes, as eye-witnessed by my eyes. And as supervisor, M...
"Temporary."
Temporary supervisor, Mr. Duncan P. Anderson, you are responsible for the actions of your team. You should be fired, or, better yet, banished!
Banished? Me?
Hey, wait. Come on, it's his first day as supervisor. Give him a break.
Give him a break? I've been working non-stop as a M.E.R.C. official for 20 years, and no one's ever given me a brea...
[at that moment, a scream canister that was lodged on the ceiling finally comes loose and lands on Argus' head, knocking him unconscious]
Is he...? Oh.
Oh, well. I'll log him in my accident journal.
We gotta get rid of the body.
What?!
I mean, check his pulse, obviously.
[MIFT hides the unconscious Argus in the vacation door]
Uh, guys? I am pretty sure disposing of a body may be another banishable offense.
That was the only thing we could do, okay? His work-life balance was totally out of whack, alright? Duncan?
Right, right. College Boy is right. So, we need to make a pact. None of us will ever speak of this again. We take this to our graves. Nobody saw nothin'.
Well...
Nobody saw nothin'!
Ahem! [points to Argus' sentient eyeballs]
[whispers] Shh. We need to close the case.
[two weeks later, Cutter activates the vacation door; Argus comes out with a tan line wearing a Hawaiian shirt]
That was, without a doubt... [happily] the best vacation of my life! Wow!
[comes out the door] I believe it, Argus. 'Cause you really needed to unwind. You're very wound.
So, uh, you're doing okay?
I'm more than okay. Sipping creepy coladas, napping beneath the palms, cha-chaing the night away.
Argus? You're still here?
Yeah, I thought you left two weeks ago.
Oh, no, no, no. I took a little time off. I have your MIFT crew to thank.
You are welcome. And that is the last we will speak of it.
Well, of course, I will be writing all of you up, but just a warning this time. Goodbye, Mr. Laugh Energy. [leaves]
[sighs] That was too close. We were nearly shut down.
You caused a major power outage, conspired to cover it up, and if that weren't enough, attempted to bribe a M.E.R.C. official.
Mike, that was you.
Stay on point, Sulley, stay on point.
Is all this true? Duncan?
[sighs in defeat] Yes, sir.
Oh, this is all my fault. I tipped the wheel so that Duncan could be temporary supervisor.
Well, regardless of how he became temporary supervisor, it all happened on your watch, Duncan.
And any of these accusations is grounds for dismissal.
Dismissal? Um... Temporary supervisor's, uh... [sniffles] Well, he's gotta go down with his temporary ship... I guess. So, uh, Mr. Sullivan, Mr. Wazowski...
I'm sorry, I... I'm the one that caused the outage, okay? Duncan, he was just trying to be a good supervisor. So if anyone deserves to be dismissed, it's me.
The truth of it is...
Yeah, well...
No, no, no. The power outage and, you know, all the other stuff, that was my fault, too. Though I am significantly less at fault than him.
Hmm. I am so proud of you two. Not only have you displayed that get-along MIFTer spirit, you've shown that you're willing to sacrifice one another.
"Sacrifice for one another"?
That, too. So, Mr. W, Mr. S, what do you way we forget all the dismissal jumbo-mumbo-bumbo-bimble?
Speaking of dismissal mumbo jumbo, what about that "against company policy" vacation door?
Taken care of, Sulley. I'm having it shredded.
Mr. Wazowski, we're here to take the vacation door to your office.
Our office?
[Mike chuckles nervously]
I can't take it anymore! I can't take it any...! It's just a simple thing! "Knock-knock!" "Who's there?" That's how it works! It's called humor!
[Tylor tries to buy a drink from a vending machine, but it stops working]
Oh, uh, hey, Val? There's something wrong with this old machine here. I think it might be broken.
That's more than an old machine, Double T. I told you, her name's Vendy.
Right, right. Forgot it has a name.
She has a name.
Of course, right, yes.
Fritz named her. She's as much a MIFTer as any of us. And a little moody sometimes. So, all you gotta do is say, "Hi, Vendy!" Like that.
Oh, okay. Sure. Uh, hi, Vendy.
Good. Now bump the left side with your fist. [does exactly what she said three times] Bump-bump-bump. Then wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with his shoulder]
Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump. Got it. Okay, thanks.
Yep.
Don't bump too hard. Few years back, Nathan in marketing shook her and bam! Squashed him like a bug. He's an invertebrate, so he was okay. And we got free candy, so, heh... [walks away]
Oh, well, it's good to hear you got free candy. [chuckles] Okay, Vendy, here we go. [bumps the left side of Vendy with his fist] Bump-bump-bump, wait a beat, big bump! [rams Vendy with his shoulder, but accidentally shoves his horn into it, causing it to malfunction and spark out] Oh, no!
Hey!
That doesn't sound good.
What'd you do?!
Jumping gaskets! What's wrong with Vendy?!
I don't know! I just bumped it!
No! No, no, no, no, no!
No! No!
[Vendy starts sparking out]
Like I said, I think it's... [Vendy breaks down completely, unable to be working anymore] ...broken.
[MIFT is holding a funeral for Vendy]
Today, we mourn the passing of another very special member of our MIFT family, Vendy. [sobs sadly]
[confused] We're having a funeral for a vending machine?
Not just any vending machine. Vendy and I began our careers here at Monsters, Inc. on the very same day. Me, an ambitious young mechanic. Vendy, a machine with a dream of dispensing chilled drinks at an inflated price because of the convenience.
[sobbing] SHE WAS WORTH IT!!
She wouldn't want us to cry. But instead, to [wheezes] celebrate... her life.
[Fritz and Val sob hysterically as Vendy is carted out of MIFT's office.]
Look at that, would ya, Sulley? With your excellent management skills and my comedic prowess, our profits are up, up, up.
Actually, profits are down, down, down. [flips the profit chart to the correct side]
Mike, the Jokesters are doing their best, but laugh canister output has been decreasing for weeks.
Right, but at least with me and Sulley in charge, morale has never been higher.
Morale has never been lower! [shows his moral chart]
Maybe your graph-thingie's upside down.
No, my graph-thingie is correct.
I'll tell you why morale's down, it's all of these depressing charts.
Mike, we're not generating enough laugh power.
What?
Until we do, we gotta figure out a way to cheer folks up and trim our budget.
Right, right. I'll tell you what. At lunch, I will play 17 holes, instead of all 18. I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
Mr. Wazowski, we're gonna have to make deeper cuts than that.
[Fritz has been told that he has to fire one of the MIFTers by the end of the week due to budget cuts; Mike is looking for ways to boost morale without overextending Monsters Inc.'s budget]
You want me to tell you how to boost morale?
Yes, because you're "always watching." Or is it "always stinking"? I don't know. Whatever it is.
Ugh! No more coffee screamer?! What's the point?!
How about you approve your paperwork on time? That would make me smile. And I've been told I have an infectious grin. [smiles]
You sure this is gonna work?
Yeah, yeah. We'll buy him a Drooler Cooler, that'll cheer Fritz up, and you won't get fired.
Wait, what's wrong with Fritz?
Oh, uh, hey, Mike. I broke his favorite vending machine this morning...
Vendy.
Yeah, Vendy, yeah. I broke Vendy this morning and...
And he needs a new one! That's it! I got two words for ya: upgrades!
I think upgrades is one word.
The perfect way to boost morale. And if we boost morale, we boost laughs. And if we boost laughs, we boost profits. And nobody has to be let go! [whispers] Except maybe Stinky…
I heard that!
[Fritz is shocked to see a brand new vending machine where Vendy was]
A new vending machine?
Look at that. It even has hot foods. That's pretty... hot.
That's right, sir. I had it installed just for you.
You had it installed? No, no, no. This wasn't Duncan's idea.
Yeah, Val and I are the ones who gave Mike the idea to upgrade.
But I approved the delivery.
Duncan!
No, no, no, no, no. I don't think I like this.
Me neither.
It's just too soon.
Way too soon.
I miss Vendy.
This was all College Boy's hair-brained scheme.
What?! No! Hey, I didn't ask Mike to send this down.
You said it was your idea.
I said it was Mike's idea.
Upgrades.
This is clearly all their fault. Keep that in mind.
No-no-no, hold on.
Duncan...
[as Tylor, Val and Duncan continue arguing, Fritz walks up to the new vending machine and looks through all the selections]
Wow! Look at all these refreshing Drooler Cooler flavors. I like this.
And it was all my idea!
Really, Duncan?
How do I choose? There's Spineapple! That sounds...
Whatever you want.
Taste Free, Bilgeberry. Maybe I'm just gonna go for Bile Blast.
If you're happy, I'm happy.
[selects Bile Blast] Bump-bump-bump. [inserts his coins] Bitty bump. [the machine opens and a tray comes out holding a Bile Blast Drooler Cooler] Oh, my! [drinks the Drooler Cooler] The acidity's astounding. I can't feel my tongue, but so what? Maybe I should've tried the Lemon Slime instead. That could've been even more delightful and refreshing.
Hey, look, there's an exchange button.
Huh?
Right there.
Oh. Jumping gaskets! [presses the exchange button and places the drink back in the tray] Whoa! Would you look at that? [selects Lemon Slime] Bitty bump. [the tray comes out holding a Lemon Slime Drooler Cooler] I can't get over it! This is really something! Thank you, Vendy 2! [kisses "Vendy 2"] And thank you all. You know, I'm having a really rough week and this makes me feel a smidgy bit better. [goes into his office carrying multiple sodas]
You hear that? He thanked us. We're not getting fired.
No, no. He thanked moi. I'm not getting fired.
[Some employees are enjoying a new Oozeball machine]
Get ready! Bam!
Oozeball? I thought we were supposed to not spend money.
Sulley, you're not thinking like an out-of-touch overpaid CEO. To make money, you gotta spend money.
[George's team just beat Needleman and Smitty]
No!
Goal!
See? Morale's already up.
Okay, we'll keep this one.
Too late, buddy. I already ordered 96 of'em.
[Fritz is looking over each MIFTer's files]
He's in there right now. Going through our files. Making his decision. And don't think your little vending machine trick will work, College Boy. You can't snack your way out of gettin' fired.
Oh, I think I already have. [looks at the candy selections in Vendy Two] Whoa! Hot Snots?
Hot Snots? [flies up to Tylor] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Not so fast. No-no-no-no-no! You can't have those. Hot Snots are my thing.
Your thing? No, no. They've been my thing since I was three.
Three?! My mom popped those babies instead of prenatals, okay?!
Explains a lot.
I win! You'll just have to find another favorite.
Seriously? No, I'm getting them.
No, you're not!
Stop it.
You stop!
Mine.
No, no, no! Mine!
[they both bicker and continuously press the button on Vendy Two until she shuts down]
Ho-ho! Now you're definitely getting fired.
You're the one who kept push-push-pushing. He's firing you!
Fritz is gonna be so upset.
[sighs] Yeah, I better fix this thing.
Whoa, no-no-no-no-no. You can't fix anything, we've established that. I'll fix it, and you just stand there and be fired. [opens the circuit panel on Vendy Two and starts taking parts out]
It says to call an authorized service center.
Authorized, schmauthorized. That's for amateurs like you. [gets electrocuted and topples over] Don't touch that yellow wire. Reroute this to that, tighten this, jiggly this thingie, and boom! Let's give this thing a try. [he and Tylor push Vendy Two back into place and she turns back on] There! Good as new. I'll just get rid of all this stuff. [moves the parts he took out under Vendy Two]
Wait-wait-wait-wait. What are those?
Ah, you know, extra parts. Bunch of doohickeys.
Doohickeys?
It's not gonna make any difference.
Oh, I think I need another Drooler Cooler pick-me-up. I've got a lot on my mind. [selects drinks] Oh, Spittle Splash flavor. That sounds scrumptious. [selects Spittle Splash and inserts his change; Vendy Two dispenses a box of Pop-Farts instead] Pop-Farts? I don't want Pop-Farts. [presses the exchange button; the machine roars and flashes "unleash the feast" then launches a soda right into Fritz stomach]
Are you okay?
No! I got canned! There's something very wrong with that machine!
[Vendy Two goes haywire and starts launching food and drinks at the MIFTers]
In my office! Everyone!
[The MIFTers retreat into Fritz's office as Vendy Two continues to go crazy]
[Mike and Sulley are looking at paintings that Mike had recently purchased]
[viewing a painting of a large green dot] Oh, it's like... It's like everything and nothing at the same time. It just speaks to me. What's it say to you, Sulley?
That we're broke?
Look what else I got. I bought a Vincent Van Gross and a Claw Monet.
Is that a Michelfangelo?
Yes! It's culture. Culture boosts morale, and morale boosts profits.
Ooh, an Andy Gorhal. One of his Goop Cans. Very inspiring!
See? Okay. Now this one... [looks at a painting that looks like Sulley] ...stinks. I just don't get this one. I don't get it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Monsters at Work pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
