[first lines; Lizzie Talvo is showing an old tape of a Treasure Chest game to her boss]
LTLizzie Talvo
It proves everything and you know that! Do you wanna see it again?!
No thanks, I hate watching myself on TV.
LTLizzie Talvo
Roddy, why did you do it?
You ever been in debt, Lizzie? And I mean real debt. It changes everything.
LTLizzie Talvo
That's no excuse. [goes to her dining room with the VHS tape, which she puts into an envelope and addresses to Dwight Ellison]
LTLizzie Talvo
The right thing!
Look, Lizzie, if this is your way of asking for a raise, it worked! Hey, how much do you want?
LTLizzie Talvo
I don't want money, Roddy, I'm not you.
All right, you don't want money. Whaddaya want?
LTLizzie Talvo
I want to be able to sleep at night. I want to be able to be proud of the show the way I used to be!
[Before the show, Monk and Dwight talk to Val Birch while a crew member adjusts his outfit]
DEDwight Ellison
Val Birch? This is my old friend Adrian Monk.
Adrian? Ooh, gym glass must have been hell with a name like that.
Are you nearly done or do you just like touching me?
DEDwight Ellison
Adrian's here from San Francisco.
Oh, Frisco? God-awful town! I was there last year. It was foggy the whole week! When are they gonna do something about all that fog?
Well, I-I don't know. I'll make some calls.
I couldn't see a damn thing! Not even that, um, uh, golden bridge they've got.
Right, that's what they call it: the Golden Gate-
Okay, okay! Testing 1-2-3, we're done! [walks away]
DEDwight Ellison
[to Monk] That idiot's won seven times in a row!
[Monk and Kevin have been to Birch's house and Monk decides he has to get closer]
Closer? Yesterday, we were in the front row. You can't get much closer than that.
[cuts to another Treasure Chest show in the process of being taped]
Please welcome to the show Adrian Monk! [Monk feverishly steps out, and uprights a gold goblet before taking his place at his podium] Welcome to the show, Adrian. [Kevin and Dwight are watching the show on the backstage monitors]
Mr. E, you are not going to regret this.
[onstage] -Before we start, is there anybody you would like to say hello to?
Sharona. She's in New Jersey, visiting her mother.
That's very nice. How long have you and Sharona been married?
No, no, no. Sharona is my nurse. I was married but my wife Trudy was killed by a car bomb. [cuts to backstage]
SStagehand
Did he just say "car bomb"?
[continuing] Which is why I've devoted my life to putting criminals behind bars.
[Monk's game enters the second round]
Welcome back to Treasure Chest. My name is Roddy Lankman, and our reigning champ, Val Birch, is in the lead again with $3,000. In second place, Susan with $0, and Adrian, you're at -$1,000.
Well Roddy, I think my luck is about to change.
Well there's only one way to find out: let's do Round 2 and dig for treasure. For $4,000, the bone that connects your knee to your ankle is the A) fibula, B) tibula- [Monk buzzes in]
Uh, that is correct! [Applause is heard offstage; Birch scorches a glare at Monk] Next question: how many square yards in an acre? [Birch immediately buzzes in]
Uh, C is correct. It's 4,840 square yards.
Lucky guess indeed. For $5,000- [Monk buzzes in]
Uh, D is correct. Another lucky guess. For $5,500, President McKinley was assassinated in-[Monk presses his buzzer several times]
D-D-D-D. The answer is D, Roddy ["D" being "1901"].
D is correct. The next question, who-[Monk buzzes in insistently]
"B" is correct, it's Jackson Brown. [Susan collapses on her podium] Susan, are you okay?
SSusan
I-I just-it looked so much easier when I was watching at home!
Yes it always looks easier at home. For $6,000- [Susan buzzes in]
No, C is not right. [Monk buzzes in]
'A' is correct, "the wombat". And the last question for $6,000, what element-[Monk rings in]
D is correct. And that's the end of Round 2, a couple of really intelligent gentlemen here. Uh, that means Adrian Monk is the winner of Round 2! Val Birch, you're gonna have to sit this one out this time. [Tanya hands Roddy the first bonus round question] Adrian, you understand what happens in Round 2: you answer these five questions correctly, you not only win this game, but you win this great big pot of gold. [gestures to the table with the treasure chests] You know how we play our game, you have five questions. Let's see how you do. [reads from the first card] Adrian, who was the first president to win a Nobel Peace Prize? [SPOILER: the answer is Theodore Roosevelt]
Roddy, I understand I can phone a friend.
[scoffs] You wanna phone a friend on the first question? Well, you're the boss. Tanya, let's bring him the phone. [Tanya grabs a treasure chest with the phone while Roddy addresses his viewers] For those of you just joining us for the first time, Adrian is going to call a friend to see if he can get some help on this very important bonus round question. [Tanya hands Monk the phone] All right, who would you like to call?
Well, Roddy, I would like to call him. [points to Val Birch]
Me? You want to call me? I don't think I'm at home! [laughs]
Mr. Monk, what are you doing?
[up in the producer's booth, Kevin turns to Dwight]
Do you know what he's doing? Because I don't know what he's doing.
[onstage] I'm trying to prove that you are guilty of murder, Mr. Lankman, or at the very least, manslaughter. Lizzie Talvo, your personal assistant, discovered that you were cheating on the show. [Monk ignores the gasps of the horrified audience]
Uh, can we go to a commercial break? [Dwight immediately turns to his associates]
DEDwight Ellison
You do and you're fired.
[Visiting his former in-laws' house, Monk briefly stops near Trudy's room... and opens the door]
MEMarcia Ellison
It's still how she left it. Do you want to go in? There might be something you want to keep.
[Takes a step forward... then steps back and closes the door] I can't.
MEMarcia Ellison
I know. Took me two-and-a-half years.
How did you do it, Marcia? How did you survive?
MEMarcia Ellison
I didn't think I would. I was buried alive.
MEMarcia Ellison
And then one day... the sun came up. Garden was blooming. Kids were riding by the house on their bikes, and... I decided to give the world a second chance. It's still a beautiful world, Adrian.
