Nathan Explosion quotes from Metalocalypse

Just... let me record it. Each take gets worse! He's slowly learning how to unplay the guitar.

Toki Wartooth

I can hear that. The talkback mike is on.

Pickle, please let me know when the talkback mike is on so that Mr. Sensitives don'ts goes to crysbabies house for vacation?

I can stills hear you.

So, what do you want? A be-able-to-hear-things award?!

Eh, not really. Doesn't sound like a greats award, to be honest.

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TNTelevision Narrator

... with considerable pressure, the hard and marble-like lens can jettison back into their own eyes, blinding them.

Nathan

Huh...I didn't know that.

I did. [sticks food into his mouth with his knife; Twinkletits enters the room]

Band meetin' everyone, BAND MEETIN'!

Dude, you may be a therapist, but you can't call a band meeting!

Yes I can! For the purpose of these exercises, I am a band member! To reward Toki for great work today, I should like to give him something that the rest of you may one day earn.

[whispers] The banana sticker! [heavenly chorus sounds]

How come he gets a banana sticker? Don't I get one?

No, Murderface, you do not get a banana sticker, not until you have proven yourself! Until then, these banana stickers shall remain locked in here.

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Hey, ah, this is John Twinkletits, ah. Remember me? I was in the Amazlingtons with you. Just want to let you that I'm in another band and we're called Dethklok. No big whoop. No big whoop. Just give me a call back whenever you can, but then again you probably can't BECAUSE I KILLED YOU.

I'm telling you he's crazy.

How could you say something like that? He's a genius.

Nathan

Alright, this is getting completely out of control. Twinkletits thinks he's in our band. I think we gotta fire 'em.

Wait, we can do that?

Nathan

Yeah. I just found out we can fire anybody we employ.

SSkiwsgaar

Can we's fires ourselves?

Nathan

Yeah, no, I... I found that out too.

Can we give ourselves a raise?

Nathan

Yeah, I mean I think so. Don't quote me on that, but I think we can.

Oh, dude, then I, you know I give myself a raise right now.

SSkiwsgaar

Ja, I give me a raise too.

I give myself a solid gold telephone.

I give myself a bunch of boats. Wit' a bunch of... Vietnamese people on 'em... on fire.

Dudes. I just thought about something. If we fire Twinkletits, then we ain't gonna see no more banana stickers.

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Nathan

Hey! We been thinkin', not very hard, but... You're fired! Yeah. We hate you.

I'm sorry, what?

Hey it's not that bad. You know I pride myself on being able to pit people against each other, but you're amazing, you're a real dick. And I appreciate that, but we never want to see you again, you ugly idiot dick!

Hold on for a second, I am your therapist.

SSkiwsgaar

I ain't no therapist, but I hate your mustache.

Don'ts you wants a banana sticker?

Nathan

We won't be needing your banana stickers.

Nathan

We have found out that you can just, you know, buy psychological validation, so...

You sons of bitches! HOW DARE YOU! I AM the band! You can't kick me out! I'll kick you out! YOU'RE ALL FIRED, you buncha stupid pussies! I'LL KILL YOU! [slips on a banana sticker and flies out the window] AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! [he falls several stories and lands on the ground] I'm still alive! I'm still- [the yard wolves appear] AUUGGGHH ...

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Look. The wol-e-ves eat him.

Yes, Toki, and his body will nourish the wolves.

I believe the cycle of learning is complete.

Indeeds. Alls of us should learns a lesson.

Yeah. And what lesson might that be?

I haves no idea. But it's pretty metal that he's being eaten, look at that right there.

Nathan

[videotaping Twinkletits getting eaten by the wolves] I loved him. I ... can say that now.

William

Now that he's dead, it's much easier to say emotional things about him.

Guys, maybe this is weird to say, but am I the only one who is being made to feel hungry by watching this?

Nathan

[pause] Let's eat!

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Nathan Explosion

Hey! We were watching that.

Pickles the Drummer

Dude, right, so you could make fun of me, I know.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

No way, to compliments you, you were such a beautifuls lady back then. Maybe, yous all favor us with a few make-ups tips.

Pickles the Drummer

Eh hahaha. That's really funny.

It's exciting! Turn it back on! I wanna see what happens!

What do you mean? I'm here! That's what happened! That's the end of the story.

William

Well it's boring when you say it.

I know.

Toki Wartooth

Pickle? [sigh] this Snakes 'N' Barrel, it's not my cup of tea. It sucks!

Well, it's not a nice thing to say, Toki.

Not my fault it sucks.

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What if Pickles never comes back? Boy, that'd be totally messed up.

Nathan

Oh come on guys, it's not like this is anyones first band. You'll probably all want to go reunite with your old bands at some point.

Dethklok is my first band.

Nathan

Oh. Well, one day, you'll want to reunite with us.

Why? We already together.

Nathan

Just 'cause we're not broken up doesn't mean we can't reunite.

Actuallys, I thinks that's exactlys what that means.

Nathan

Seriously?

You can'ts reunite with a bands that has not brokeds up. They won't let you.

That sucks. Psch, great.

Nathan

Wait, could we have a "Not Reunion" tour, where we, you know, just come out and like, you know, do a regular show?

No, I looked into it.

Nathan

Well that's pretty lame.

Well, that's showbiz.

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Nathan

Hey... good luck on your show tonight.

Oh, hey, thanks. I gotta get ready back here, if you don't mind.

Go gets them. Haves a really great show... do that for me.

...Yeah, I gotta, you know get ready -

William

Just don't forget about us... [raises his beer bottle] He's a good kid!

Ohhh, you're acting weird.

Nathan

We just, you know, umm, we care about you.

Yeah, if you gets a problems with thats, then, well I guess that's just sad.

Oh God, I'm not leaving Dethklok, I've told you this a billion times, okay? I'm just doing this for fun!

Nathan

Yeah, well, it's not brutal you know... Snakes 'N' Barrels isn't brutal.

I know.

Nathan

Okay.

Okay.

Nathan

Just do a great job! And don't leave us! I gotta get going, YOUR MUSIC SUCKS AND YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! ...I'm having a hard time expressing myself.

Will you guys get the hell out of here? I'm supposed to be going over the songs.

Oh ja? Well then where's your stupid band?

[gasp] I don't even know where they are!

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Nathan

Most brutal album, huh? Ugh, I hate to say it, they're right! It's an amazing album! Congratulations Pickles. It's so chilling!

What a great way to go out too! I only hope we can end that way! Clawing our eyes out, throwing up acid blood!

I officially take backs whatever I said about Snakes 'N' Barrels. You're amazing!

This music is likes potato chips. I can't stops listening to it! Plays it again!

Alright.

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Nathan Explosion

Why do I drink so much before stupid fan day?

I believe you drink because it's fan day.

Nathan

Ugh. I don't w - Don't talk to me about that. Wai - wait, where's Skwisgaar?

Toki Wartooth

I don't think he gonna be here for a while, he had a very big night with a very huge fan!

Nathan

Yeah, we were all up late.

Not me, I actually got good rest.

Can you please, just be quiet for a second?

Ahh, what's wrong Pickle? You just need to eat something. Your name is Pickle, maybe you should try pickle herring sandwich [hands him a sandwich] very famous from Oslo!

FFan

OH YEAH PICKLE- [Pickles shuts the door]

GOD! Everywhere I go, there's fans everywhere! Can't I just throw up in my own house?! Ugh!

OH GOD! Don't, what are you - bulimia?

Nathan

Oh, great now you're gonna start a whole chain reaction, puke-a... a-thon!

Aww! Blood puke! Good song title, someone write that - oh, that's right we already wrote that. Good song though!

Nathan

[breathing heavily] Ohh, I think I need another liver transplant.

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TTTaped Tour Message

In order to keep Nathan Explosion healthy, and because of the tremendous drinking it takes to entertain all you Dethklok fans out there, Nathan must undergo a series of liver transplants.

DDoctor

Now, have you eaten anything this morning?

Nathan

[heart monitor beeps faster] Nope.

DDoctor

Are you sure?

Nathan

I mean, yea... I mean, no.

DDoctor

Okay, anesthesia please.

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Nathan

[playing with a laser pointer] My god, these things are amazing. Check it out, I'm an eye doctor.

Charles Ofdensen

Can you please give me the laser pointer? It does not belong to you.

Nathan

Hey, wait your turn.

Hey, point that into my eyes again. Awww, yeaaah, it's awesome!

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

Points the laser beams at my too eye. Awhhh, cool...

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I'm sorry, who is that fat kid?

Nathan

Don't play dumb, you know who that is.

I have no idea who that is. Who the hell is that?

Uh, hello, that's our son.

Yeah, we adopted him, for charity?

I'm sorry, how is that charity?

Nathan

Then we are his foster fathers. What do you mean? That's for charity, right?

No Nathan, that's not donating money to organizations. That's... that doesn't help our tax situation.

Nathan

Seriously?

Yeah. Can you give him back?

Nathan

Hey that's a crappy thing to say but no, I don't think we can. We tried.

Well, let's talk about the big show. You guys are performing at the United Celebrities of the World Foundation with the London Philharmonic, kind of a big deal, London Philharmonic, blah blah.

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The donation will go to pharmaceutical research.

Nathan

What kind of pharmaceugical research? [still playing with the laser pointer]

Well, I'm not sure. It doesn't say.

Nathan

Have those guys cured anything?

Uhhh... no. It says here, no, they have not.

Nathan

Ok. Shouldn't they have cured at least one disease?

Well, it doesn't matter. All you need to know is that if you want to keep your money, you do this show.

Pickles the Drummer

See, that makes more sense to us. Just say that from now on.

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Don't kill him, leave him alone! He's my son!

Nathan

I'm not, you idiot, I'm... using... hug therapy on him! Read somewhere it's supposed to calm him down! [Nathan Grunts and Fatty stops squirming] Oh... dear sweet... Lord, I think he just used the restroom in his shorts. [drops Fat Kid] I guess he did have to go outside.