Well, Fatty... dat's was not great back dere, how you killed an entire orchestra.
Looks cool but it does not reflects on us very well. Fatty Ding-Dongs, wes woulds likes to haves a words wid you, fathers to son.
NathanNow, we know that it's totally your fault that the London Philharmonic was sliced in half by a laser beam, and we know that you're sorry, we know that. But I guess... hmmm... I guess we'd kinda hoped that you'd use better judgement, y'know? And as your fathers, we, uhh....
(Angry) Aw he ate my fucking shoes little bastard! He ate my Civil War shoes! (Murderface walks up to Fatty Ding Dong and has a slap fight with him) They're fucking irreplaceable Civil War shoes! YA FAT SON OF A BITCH!
[Toki yanks a tooth out, with black spots of decay on it.]
Nathan
Is that a tooth?
Yeah. Got any other questions? I'll be right here!
Nathan
Your teeth are falling out because of your free candy from your free endorsement deal.
Nathan
No.
Well, then, shut up! Oh, by the way, teeths grow back!
Nathan
Uh, no, they don't.
Yes, they do! Dont's you remember beings a little kids when you teeths woulds falls out and grow back and you would get the old one under the pillow so the ancient Norse god Orthar, the tooths collector, woulds leaves you a Pickle's Nickel?!
[William Murderface's "Murderknobs" commercial.]
[voice-over] Over a million babies and ladies die every hemisecond. That's why I use Murder Knobs.
[spoken] Doorknobs for a new world.
[Pickles the Drummer's "Pickle's Nickels" commercial.]
[voice-over] I'm Pickles the Drummer. And our country's experiencing a horrible problem - nobody is using nickels. Use nickels.
[spoken] Nickels is money too, guys.
VOVoice-over
Paid for in nickels by the US Department of Treasury.
[Nathan Explosion's "Explosion Sauce" commercial.]
Nathan
[voice-over] I guess I've always hated my father. Explosion Sauce changed that.
[spoken] Explosion Sauce - it's good on its own.
[Toki Wartooth's "Willard Wonka Candy" commercial.]
[voice-over] I Toki. I slips in and out of diabetic coma. They should makes insulin-flavored candy. Whatever.
[spoken] Candy: tastes like chicken, if chicken was a candy.
[Nathan pours out several dozen watches from a bag onto the table.]
Dude, I thought you hated wearing a watch?
Nathan Explosion
I smash...them. [smashes watch with fist]
Nathan
Uh yeah, I- I mean they're mine, but...
[rummaging through the watches] Whoa that's nice. What is that, a Hamilton? [drops it and stomps on it] Well, that's... you know... fun.
[Dethklok is conducting their annual employee evaluation interviews.]
Okay, so, uhh... number 421. You, ehh... you are part of the sector eighteen, recording studio maintainence clean team. Okay! Uhh... qui... couple questions. How, do, you, value, your, what you contribute, of, to, at the work force? Ehh... second part: which, do you most, can't, the least? Skwisgaar?
You write these questions?
Okay! Well, 421, do you have an answer?
K4Klokateer 421
I am a highly skilled microphone cleaner my masters, and what I most can't the least, would be do not a bad job, but always a good.
Okaaaay... good answer...
Well that's all I got, uh, guys?
Nathan
No, I got one more question, and answer honestly! [long pause] Are you the guy who's embezzling from us?
Nathan
[long pause] Okay... I believe you.
Nathan
Yeah, well, all I can think about is the raffle. Can we win it?
Well dude, I fucking hope so, that's the only reason my ass is goin' 'ere!
Nathan
Oh yeah! And there's gonna be an awesome motivational speaker. Oh my God I love being motivated. I love being motivated!
Nathan
I LOVE BEING MOTIVATED!
[A video on being considerate at the workplace airs.]
I have to works with you everyday. So please, would you please take it easy on the cologne?
While that hurts my feelings, I understand.
Nathan
When you see a piece of trash on the ground, don't just stand there, PICK IT UUUUUP!
Yeah! And don't leave your lunch lying around either! It attracts ants!
And most important, remember - death is an everyday part of the workplace!
[Toki is shown taking out the trash and comes across a rotting corpse.]
So, when you see a dead body, don't freak out!
Just... ring your Deth-bell!
[Toki rings his Deth-bell]
CCustomer
Ay fuckface! Give me four number fives!
Nathan Explosion
...Ummm... uhh... how much you wanted? A five?
CCustomer
No, retard! I want four fives!
Nathan
[long pause] Ummmmmmm...
CCustomer
Listen, Tonto! You give me four fives! And you do it now!
Nathan
You - you wanted... you wanted?
CCustomer
Hey, wait a minute, aren't you Nathan Explosion?
Nathan
[long pause] Yeah, I guess I am.
CCustomer
Didn't you have anything to fall back on after your band was killed by blackbirds?
Nathan
Huh. No I never graduated from high school -
MManager
He's a complete idiot! Cannot even function! He's so Stupid!
Nathan
Yeah. I'm stupid! Oh I am.
CCustomer
Oh, well that's too bad. OH SHIT LOOK OUT! [deliberatly squirts Nathan in the face with ketchup]
Nathan
OWWWWW! I'LL KILL YOU!
CCustomer
Oh, now you gotta go wash your face!
Nathan
Ohh face, yeah - [places hands in the deep-fryer and splashes hot oil on his face, attempting to wash it] OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
MManager
That's the deep-fryer you idiot!
CCustomer
Your face is burning!
Nathan
Sorry I'm late guys, I uh... just had another one a those, I-can't-figure-it-out dreams again, you know... I think I might be stupid.
How can you be stupid? You're famous!
Dat sounds smart to me no matter how many times you slice it.
Hey quick! What's six times, um, er, uh... twelve!
I gets punch for laughing?!
Nathan
Now wait, what do you mean five minus x? What is... what is x?
MLMordhaus Librarian
Oh sweetie... it's just algebra.
Nathan
It's stupid, and it's not even that akikabablel.
MLMordhaus Librarian
Applicable.
Nathan
[attempts to say applicable repeatedly, but fails] IT'S STUPID!
Um, Nathans? What do yous do, before you're nervous, at a show?
Yeah, whaddaya you, whaddaya you do? [shakes a bottle of liquor in front of Nathan] What's Nathan do?
Just have a little drink!
Nathan
That's it! I have a little drink! [starts drinking the entire bottle of liquor]
Metalocalypse · 448 quotes
