Come on, Harris, for God's sake. Just make the "C". How tough can it be?
Harris (trembling from delirium tremens): I need a shot.
Al (threatens to punch him): I'll give you a shot!
S10 E17Agony and the extra C
That doesn't look like a "C"!
Harris (drunkenly): Lay off, will ya? (tries not to belch): "C"'s a tough letter.
When your blood has more alcohol than plasma, they're all tough letters.
S10 E18Spring Break (1)
Call it in the air.
It's a coin.
You win.
I'm an actress, I don't know if I can go parading around a bunch of strangers I haven't slept with yet.
S10 E20Turning Japanese
Marcy, me and that Dodge have been together a long time.
So have you and your hair and you got rid of that.
Please Al, my job is on the line.
Oh, well that changes nothing.
S10 E21Al Goes To The Dogs
What do you think?
You no longer look like a North American slut, you look like a South American slut.
That's exactly the look I was going for.
S10 E22Enemies
Can we please watch something else, this is a rerun.
No it's not, I've seen this one a million times.
S10 E23Bud Hits The Books
Allow me to quote from your official student handbook "Abstinence Saves Lives." And what guarantees abstinence better than self-love? Constant, never-ending self-love? I ask you to look at this young man. Would you rather he do what he did or be out there breeding?
I think I may have been a little too harsh on my son. After all, the only thing he really did wrong was go in the library in the first place. The rest was totally understandable. I mean, we men have our needs. It's women who tell us these things are wrong. And why? Because they want to take away the only good sex we have.
S10 E24Kiss Of The Coffee Woman
If I was a hot young chick, I couldn't keep my hands off myself.
Well, I guess that makes you a hot young chick.
Jefferson, can I have a word with you in our own kitchen by the recently sharpened knives?
Hey, what's the bed for?
DDirector
Come on, Mr. Bundy! You're a married man.
What's the bed for?
S10 E25Torch Song Duet
Daddy, wanna know what I think?
Oh, this should be good.
Now, like a great eastern religion says, it's all about striking a balance between the ping and the pong.
Go get my noose, boy.
Oh, Daddy you're so good. I'm sure in your next life you're gonna be re-incarcerated.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.