Crap!
S7Blackout
You're here!
Kind of.
You lied to me! You're not drunk at all!
You said that if I called and said I was drunk, I would not get in trouble!
That only applies if you're actually drunk!
S7Army Buddy
You were right, Malcolm. She wants me bad. This is a disaster.
Why? You've got a girl that's crazy about you.
She's my buddy. The best friend I've ever had, but in a roll-around-on-the-floor-and-make-her-smell-my-armpit kind of way.
Everyone has their own kind of foreplay. The important thing now is how you feel about her.
It's hard to say. Now, when I think about her, I get all nervous in my stomach. Like my bowels could cut loose at any moment.
That's love, dude.
Wow. You'd think somebody would put that in a song.
AAbby
I have to confess, I'm a great admirer of yours, ma'am.
Me?
AAbby
Yes, ma'am. Reese told me so many amazing stories about you. Is it true you once made him cut the front lawn with a pair of manicure scissors?
I can't take all the credit for that. After all, he was the one who didn't refill the ice cube tray.
S7Malcolm Defends Reese
Tough break, Mr Herkabe.
HMr. Herkabe
[After realizing it was Malcolm who told Mr. Hodges] I know it was you, Malcolm and I wouldn't be so quick to gloat. I'm not defeated yet! I'm like Napoleon at St. Helena, plotting my return!
You mean Elba. He died on St Helena.
HMr. Herkabe
Oh, shut up! I have to call mother before she hears it from someone else.
Okay, what you need here is some sort of romantic gesture.
What do you mean?
Just off the top of my head, you could send her a nice box of expensive chocolates.
I'm not sure.
Too late. You already did. You just dropped off a big box on her front doorstep, rang the bell, and ran like hell. You also trampled some of her rose bushes. Congratulations, son.
S7Malcolm's Money
[seeing his photo on the screen] What did you do to me?! I look like a freak!
EEarl
Kid, that's you. That's what you look like.
I can't let my grandchildren see me like that! You have to fix it! Put on a special filter, or-or brighter lights... Please, you have to fix it.
EEarl
Sorry, kid. That's the best I can do. I'm a yearbook photographer, not a magician.
This is great. I never knew old people could be nice. I thought you were all wrinkled bags of skin babbling about how stuff used to cost less.
JJudith
No, some are like that, but there's a few of us who still have some life left.
Now, where's the rest of the money?
There isn't any.
What?
You just spent 10.000$ on a stupid dollhouse?!
They wanted 12. But look,hal, it has a tiny little dumbwaiter and the lights really work.
S7Bride of Ida
[Reese and Malcolm are horrified to discover they're being left with Ida]
What's Grandma doing here?!
You never said Grandma was coming!
I didn't? Then it's just a nice surprise for you boys. Remember last month when you came in after curfew and said, "What are you going to do about it"? Sorry it took me so long to get back to you!
FSFemale Security Agent
[to Lois] Ma'am, I need to touch your breasts.
You need to touch my what?
FSFemale Security Agent
I'm required to probe with the back of my hand. If you like, you can request up to 2 female witnesses. [putting on rubber gloves]
Let me understand this. Because I made a comment about first class, I am being singled out for a public feel-up?
[yelling] Oh, for God's sake, Mom, just let her touch your boobs!
MMale Agent
The kid makes a lot of sense, ma'am. Now do you want to do this the easy way or the hard way? [More security agents surround her as she becomes enraged]
[Several minutes later, they wait for another flight]
OK, the tickets are changed. The next flight leaves in 15 hours.
So I get no time to practice and no sleep tonight!
[Lois makes an embarrassed smile]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.