Hey, I think 45 minutes of rubbing out corns is worth at least an hour joyride.
S2 E11"Old Mrs. Old"
(After being caught joyriding by Lois, all the Krelboynes leave except for Malcolm & Stevie)
Need some help, Stevie?
Pop... the trunk.
[at Mrs.Griffin's Doorstep] Malcolm get your things, we're going home. I'm so sorry for all of this.
GMrs.Griffin
Sorry for what?
My son stole your car and was out joyriding in it.
GMrs.Griffin
Joyriding?! It was no joyride for me. I was passed out in the back seat.
What?!
GMrs.Griffin
I made a mistake with my medication and he drove me to the hospital.
(The Krelboynes are enjoying their joyride with Malcolm at the wheel. Soon the boys hide except for him.)
What? What's going on?!
(in slow motion, he sees his mother in a van passing by, both are shocked)'
B1Bully 1
Are you calling me a liar?
[Dewey hits the first bully with the purse. The second one is hit as well. The other two dodges it and then the four are sent running. Soon Reese is impressed when Dewey reveals the brick and tosses it on the ground.]
Nice.
CCadets
Sir!
Cadets.
What's up, chief?
[Spangler punishes Francis by forcing him to stand outside and hold a rucksack full of rations and a sleeping bag.]
GMrs. Griffin
What are you doing in my yard?
S2 E12"Krelboyne Girl"
Hey, check out the newbie.
Fresh... meat.
[to Malcolm] You no longer have to live in fear.
What are you talking about?
The hazing we put you through is over.
What hazing?
Oh, come on! When we gave you the warped lunchtray. When we dulled the points on your pencils. When you sneezed and no one said "Bless you."
I still feel bad about that.
Francis [to Malcolm]: I'm warning you, keep Mom out of your love life!
Mom has nothing to do with this.
Trust me, yes, she does -- she will ruin it, I swear! Whatever Mom tells you, don't do it. And don't do the opposite, either! The way it's worked for me is... Actually, it's never worked for me.
Hi, I'm Malcolm.
Cynthia.
So, you're new here.
Yeah, my dad wanted to get away from Manhattan, but I think the real reason is that my mom's remarriage hit him pretty hard and he thinks that a new environment would help. The truth is nothing's been the same after my brother died in a boating accident.
(Malcolm is shocked, Cynthia pauses, then snorts)
Ha! Just kidding.
What?
Stevie (passes by them): Get... a room.
(Cynthia laughs)
Anyways, see you later, and I'm glad your brother's okay.
I don't have a brother.
Lois [to Dewey]: What are you doing?
Dewey (scrubbing): I'm killing the germs. I hate germs. Germs are scary.
Don't forget the germs in the oven.
Ooh, Malcolm. Having lunch with your girlfriend?
She's not my girlfriend.
I don't know. I think I see a spark. (bops Cynthia's nose) Boop!
Please don't do that.
Malcolm (to the camera): Yeah, that'll help.
Aw, she doesn't like to be touched. Well, maybe, I'll do this.
(Cynthia grabs Reese's arm and twists it, Reese falls on the table)
Now, say your body is composed entirely of snot.
Reese (sobbing in pain): My body is composed entirely of snot.
Cynthia (to Malcolm): Anything you'd like to add?
I'm good.
(Cynthia lets go of Reese and he walks off still in pain)
(Malcolm enters the front door panting)
What's wrong?
Some crazy new girl from school actually followed me home.
Really? Is she cute? Is this what this whole boxers shorts thing is all about. (approaches the door and looks through the peephole)
Mom, please don't.
(Lois sees Cynthia through the peephole and opens the door)
Hi!
Lois [to Malcolm about Cynthia]: You be nice to that girl. It's obvious she has no friends.
Thanks for inviting me to dinner.
Your quite welcome. I'm sure if my son wasn't a rude selfish little pig, he would have invited you himself.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.