Boomhauer quotes from King of the Hill

Hank Hill

Hey Boomhauer, you any closer to getting married?

Boomhauer

Dang ol'...huh?

Hank

[Goes to talk to Boomhauer] Now, Boomhauer, as a man, I'm obligated of salvaging our friendship of over 30 years, by asking you some tough questions. [Boomhauer, after a moment, nods] Do you love Kathryn Hester?

Boomhauer

Yo, man.

Hank

And does the thought of Patch marrying her tear you up inside?

Boomhauer

...Yo, man.

Hank

And did you hire those women of...'easy virtue' to frame Patch and to break up the wedding?

Boomhauer

[stares down Hank for a long moment] NO, man.

Hank

...Oh, Boomhauer, I am so sorry for doubting you. But wait a minute, if you didn't hire them, then...[Gasps] Craig T?! Oh, God, Patch knew all along!

Boomhauer

Damn straight, man. Now, talkin' 'bout, you know, do-don't get hurt fallin' off that dang ol' high horse, man!

Hank

Boomhauer, I deserve all that and more, but right now, I need to get to the rehearsal dinner and set things right. I'll give Patch the 'happy ending' he deserves, I tell you what!

Hank

I can't believe I used to be worried about Bobby and his prop comedy. G.H. is even worse! He just spends a lot of time in that room by himself.

Bill

Oh, he's probably, you know, shaking hands with the milkman.

Dale

Yup.

Boomhauer

Damn straight, man.

Hank

That's not something Hill men do, Bill. I didn't at his age.

Dale

I did! Some of the ladies in that Zapruder film were very shapely.

Hank

Gah!

Dale

It's all fake anyway.

[as some trucks appear] They're here! Gifts for our company founders! ... And here to present them, Pig Force celebrity spokesperson, Nolan Ryan!

Hank

The Ryan Express?!

[holding four digital keys] These keys are for Peggy, Bill, Dale, and- how do you say this?

Boomhauer

Talkin' about, dang ol' Boomhauer, man.

Dang ol' Boomhauer.

Hank

How did they get you to come here?

I invested in Pig Force stock. You'd be a damn fool not to.

Dale

It's gone up ten more percent!

Cha-cha-ching!

Dale

Hey, that's my thing!

And it's still going! Yeah!!!

Peggy

Oh, wow. Is it possibly that I am even better at investing than I thought?

Hank

I have to go to the bathroom.

Peggy

And honey, while you're in there, I will get Nolan Ryan to sign a football for you.

Hank

So uh, how's Nancy liking her... truck?

Dale

She likes it fine. John Redcorn installed a charger at his place. Fine by me. Let his electricity bill go up. I win again! Wingo!

Hank

[his phone buzzes] Huh. Looks like Bobby and Connie are official.

Bill

Awww.

Boomhauer

Talkin' 'bout doin' dang ol' hard launch, man.

Hank

Wonder why they took so long to tell us.

NOOO! ANYONE BUT HIM!!!

DAMN YOU, BOBBY HILL!!!