Hank Rutherford Hill quotes from King of the Hill

Hank

[seeing Joe Jack in his MySpace profile] What's Joe Jack doing there?

Hank

[spotting Donna's message] "Hello, Hank; and goodbye."

Hank Hill

[to his new grandniece] Aw, you're a cute one, I tell you what.

Hank

[to Longhorns team] Now, come on, let's go kick some Mustang ass!

Hank

I really wish I could play, but the pain is excruciating. I'd better go ice my nose. [the following quarterbacks chase Dale]

Hank

About your outfit, Bill. No.

Hank

You guys are acting like idiots. [To Luanne] You shouldn't have stolen Dale's ideas. [To Dale] You shouldn't have destroyed Luanne's dolls. We shouldn't even be having this memorial service.

Hank

[as the truck gets carried away] What-- no, no! My truck! [groans] Idiot!

Hank

True North. Hey, someone's breaking into Dale's van!

Hank

Where's this elevator coming from, hell?

Bill Dauterive

[first lines] Yep.

Dale Gribble

[first lines] Yep.

Hank Hill

[first lines] Yep.

[first lines] Mmm-Hmm.

Bill Dauterive

You know what it could be… That damn started motor. You’re getting good compression?

Hank Hill

Yeah!

Dale Gribble

I know what's wrong with it. It's a Ford. You know what they say Ford stands for, don't ya? It stands for 'Fix it again, Tony'.

Hank Hill

You're thinking of a Fiat, Dale.

Dale Gribble

"Fix... it... again..."

Hank Hill

Whatcha listenin' to, son?

Bobby Hill

I don't think you'd like it.

Hank Hill

Well, why not? I like this new generation of music. [puts headphones on]

Hello?

Hank Hill

[takes headphones off] Mother of God, it's all toilet sounds! Where did you record this?

Bobby Hill

I bought it at the mall! It's the Funny Phone Jerks!

Hank Hill

Let me tell you, Bobby, there's nothing "funny" about these sounds! What that person on your tape has is a medical disorder. Now you get ready for the game, OK?

Bobby Hill

Yes, sir.

Hank Hill

[leaving Bobby's room] That boy ain't right.

Hank Hill

So, are you ready to kick some Wildcat butt, Bobby?

Bobby Hill

Okay.

Peggy Hill

Nah, don't you worry, son. You just do your best.

Hank Hill

Don't listen to her, Bobby. If you wanna win, you're gonna have to do better than your best.

Bobby Hill

How do I do that?

Hank Hill

You gotta give a hundred and ten percent. That's what'll give you that winnin' edge.

Bobby Hill

But what if the Wildcats give a hundred and ten percent, too?

Hank Hill

Well, then you gotta try even harder.

Peggy Hill

How about if Bobby gave a hundred and twelve percent?

Hank Hill

Ahm ... sure, that'd work.

Bobby Hill

Or maybe a hundred and thirteen?

Hank Hill

[Annoyed] Yeah, yeah, that's even better.

Peggy Hill

No, uh, I don't know. Thirteen is a very unlucky number.

Hank Hill

Look, we're not talking about thirteen. We're talking about a hundred and thirteen, and even ... uh ... okay, give a hundred and twelve, what's the difference? Look, Bobby. Just do your best, okay?

Hank Hill

Excuse me, where's the hardware department?

Buckley

[Clueless, unsure of how to respond] Where is the hardware department? Uhm, hm, what exactly is it you're looking for?

Hank Hill

The hardware department.

Buckley

Yeah, but are you looking for like a tool or something?

Hank Hill

What difference does it make?

Buckley

Huh, what difference does it make?

Hank Hill

Okay, I'm lookin' for a tap and die and some WD-40.

Buckley

Huh, what is it that you're trying to do?

Hank Hill

[Losing patience] I'm tryin' to buy a tap and die and some WD-40 and get out of this God-forsaken store!

Buckley

Uh ... and what is a tap-and-die?

Hank Hill

[angrily, can’t take it anymore] Okay, forget it! Let's say I want a hammer. Do you know what a hammer is? That's what I want, a damned hammer! Now where in the hell would I go?

Hey, that's that Hank Hill fella that lives on the block next to us.

He sure has a temper, doesn't he?

Sure does. Makes you wonder who gave his boy that black eye.

Buckley

You're gonna have to pay for that, dude.

Hank Hill

[Shouting] YOU'RE FIRED!!

Hank Hill

[referring to the sound of Bobby throwing a baseball at the living room wall] Dammit! There it is again! Where is that thumpin' comin' from? It's drivin' me crazy!

Dale Gribble

Could be far-off helicopters... U.N. helicopters.

Hank Hill

Dale! What're you doin'? Give me some light! Now! I--I can't see! (Hank drops his wrench) Ow, my arm! (The hood closes) Ow, my head!