Mike quotes from Jersey Shore

You can hate on me all you want to, but what can you possibly say to somebody that looks like Rambo, pretty much, with his shirt off.

I wait till the last minute to shave, I wait till the last minute to put the shirt on 'cause you feel fresh. These are rules to live by, shave last minute, haircut the day-of, maybe some tanning and the gym. You gotta do the guido handbook.

With me and Sam, it's not a matter of if she wants to hook up with me, it's a matter of just when I decide.

Everybody loves me, babies, dogs, ya know, hot girls, cougars. I just have unbelievable mass appeal.

Angelina was like a half-ass firecracker. It just fizzled out real quick and made a loud noise.

I felt bad about Snickers getting hit by a couple linebackers. I necessarily didn't want to bring home any sort of zoo creatures what-so-ever. I mean, these broads just probably smelled the food at the house.

G.T.L. baby. Gym, Tanning, Laundry.

When there was knockin' on the door, I was like, this is either the police for me, this is either some lawyer, somebody's dad, somebody's brother...

It's obvious that Sammi has a crush on me. It goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten.

I knew she was 18, that ass does not look 12.

[to Snooki] If a guy doesn't like you, it's called fuck you, and there's so many people out there in the world that's gonna like you for you.

Ronnie's at the club, hooking up with Grenades - that is a bigger, ugly chick - and also Landmines - which is a thin, ugly chick - and um, lovin' life.

We have an abundance of wife beaters...and we wear them before we go out, before it's T-shirt time. Right before we go out, we take off the tank and then we put on our fresh shirt.

[to Angelina] Clean the house, you dirty mess...Please hit the f--kin' treadmill! You know what, don't even hit the treadmill, hit the elliptical, it's better for you.

If you don't go to the gym, you don't look good, if you don't tan, you're pale, and if you don't do laundry, you ain't got no clothes!