Jade Clones quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jade

[coming upon a field of cactus] Whoa, acupuncture city.

Jackie

Real acupuncture is a good thing, Jade. It stimulates the energy channels, and rids the body of- [the Dark Enforcers suddenly appear]

Hola, Señor Chan.

Jackie

Bad Chi...

The statue can shoot fire from his hands?

Jade

God of the sun, duh!

Jackie

Uh, perhaps Quetzalcoatl would not be so angry if you prove to him you are not... you know. [pointing to the mask]

El Toro

El Toro Fuerte never removes his mask!

Unhand the princess, or face my wrath!

Jade

Uh, maybe you should make an exception.

The statue can fly too?!

Jade

God of the sky, duh!

The statue can grow unbreakable vines?

Jade

God of-

I know, agriculture. Duh!

Jackie

Monkey Talisman and Monkey King?

Jade

Coinkidink?

Forget Monkey King. We must catch Monkey Magic before Daolon Wong does.

[lowering the Shapeshifting Monkey into the Kilauea volcano] Uh oh, my simian senses are tingling!

Jade

We want our monkey, monkey!

Oh, it's all about him isn't it?! You think he's funnier than me, don't you?!

Jackie

Uh, of course not! Everyone knows that the Money King is the funniest ape of all.

I do not think he's so funny- [elbowed by Jade]

Well you'll really love my weird sense of humor when you and monkey-boy are swimming in lava, 'cause I'm gonna make Kilauea blow sky-high!

The Monkey King cannot activate volcanoes!

Just watch me, gramps! I know a family recipe! [begins tossing ingredients into the lava pit] Magic monkey syrup, pure cane sugar, one carton of aged goat milk- EEGH! [Daolon Wong appears behind the Monkey King] An untuned Hawaiian guitar, a fine tuned tuning fork, a tuna on rye, hold the mayo-

Daolon Wong

[grabs the Monkey King] Talisman power, be mine!

Paws off the fur, Shakespeare! I'm busy here!

Jade

Never thought I'd be rooting for Daolon Wong over anybody. [they start to run, only to be trapped by Daolon Wong] On second thought, go Monkey King.

Daolon Wong

Monkey King?

Jackie

Please, can't we just talk about- [attacked]

Jade

Maybe they don't know how to talk.

My brother E.B. here graduated Stanford Phi Beta Kappy.

And Buford here is a renowned nuclear physicist. [throws Jackie against a wall]

Jackie

Dr. Buford MacDonald??? Your books are very insightful.

Thank ye. [punches Jackie]

Jade

Jackie, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore!

Jackie

Jade, bring the pig this wa- [runs out the door, only to nearly fall out of the flying house] WAH! The house is flying?!

Jade

Hello? Did you not catch my Wizard of Oz reference?

There's no place like home... to kick your butt!

Jade

Whoa. Now I see why they call this place bizarre.

Jackie

Jade, it is a bazaar.

Jade

Anywhere grown men playing with baby toys is bizarre in my book.

Uncle is not playing. This rattle's filled with enchanted teeth of mongoose which will lead us to the snake which possesses the power of invisibility.

Tohru, you did not tell Uncle you invited Spider-Woman! [Jackie, succumbing to the snake venom, groggily falls into Uncle's arms] See? Even Jackie moans with displeasure at her arrival.

Jade

Uh, Jackie? Are you alright? Jackie? [holds up fingers] How many fingers do you see?

Jackie

Uhhh... what's a Jackie?

[gasp] Jackie has been bitten by snake!

These strange men, they appeared out of thin air!

Jade

They used to be men, now they're card-carrying members of the Forces of Darkness.

Stop them Tohru! [Tohru growls, ready to fight, only to be held back by his mother]

My baby will NOT fight Forces of Darkness!

Jade

Uh, maybe we should get Jackie to a doctor.

We must find snake before Dark Forces do, then Uncle will cure Jackie.

Ah, do not worry, I once television program about cobra poisoning. Jackie only at stage one: very slight dryness of mouth.

Jackie

[affixing cloth to his forehead] Y'arrr matey!

Jade

Stage two?

Stark-raving madness.

Jackie

Yo-ho-ho! [begins dancing]

Luckily stage two very brief.