JadeReally, I can explain!
No need. The intruder was obviously an emissary of the Dark Hand utilizing a high octane nerve gas. You were foolish to try and stop him on your own... [pats Jade's head] But also very brave.
Jade
Yeah, well I try to be of help.
Yes, and I wish you would stop helping. [notices the Talismans are gone] The Talismans! How?!
Jade
Uh... you know that broken statue? Well, he's not so broken anymore.
Jade
Don't worry, Jackie. I can help! [covers mouth] The H word. [later] I meant help you find the warrior, not help do the laundry.
The small one is no pal. She is the enemy, o great Lo Pei.
Jade
[gasps]
LPLo Pei
You know my name?
[whispers to Chow] Talk flowery, like Shendu said.
I... I mean, uh, fellow warriors from the Ling Dynasty, come to help. As, uh, the dew helps the morning glory to blossom.
Jade
No way you're buying this.
The emperor sent us to help you hide the Talisman—[notices more Talismans] Talismans. You got so many, he figures we can do it faster and cheaper.
Jade
They are so lying. They're the Dark Hand. Bad guys. Enemies of Jackie and me!
Yeah, Lo Pei, you know Jackie. The guy who was trying to bust you up back on Alcatraz. He's her uncle.
Jade
Uh... by marriage. Hardly know him, really. Heh.
LPLo Pei
As the Lily pad offers respite to the weary bullfrog, so your service to our cause is much appreciated. [offers the Talismans to the Dark Hand]
Jade
No... [Ratso restrains her] Unh. Let go! Unh.
LPLo Pei
A Sacred Warrior would never harm a child. You are impostors!
Jade
It's okay, Jackie. Me and Lo Pei are pals.
LPLo Pei
Pals. [gives thumbs up gesture] A-okay.
Jade
Oh. Those. Well, the Dark Hand kinda got the drop on us, and... heh.
Jade
We'll get the Talismans back! Warriors, yes!
Warriors, no! You are a child, and I am an archaeologist, [to Lo Pei] though not for long if I don't get you back to the museum.
LPLo Pei
Again you speak nonsense. As the crescent-moon is duty-bound to follow the sunset, so shall I smite this Dark Hand! [gives a thumbs up] HOO-AH!
Jade
It's an ancient warrior thing.
Jade
[as Jackie grabs her shoulder] Wah!
Jade
[breathing heavily] Jackie, don't sneak up on me like that!
Oh, I was sneaking up on you? You're supposed to back at the hotel.
Jade
Sure. Limit my exposure to other cultures. Stifle my educational potential.
Jade, I'm only trying to stifle your potential to be harmed. What if the Dark Hand were here too, searching for the Snake Talisman?
Jade
Did you find it?
Not yet. You'd think it were invisible.
[after Jackie accidentally drops the Snake Talisman]
Jade
[looking to catch it] I got it, I got it!
WRWesey Rank
[reaches out and catches the Talisman] How wrong you are, little lady! [to Dino] You there, uh camera-guy! Roll film, quickly! [temple begins to rumble] Welcome! I'm Wesley Rank and you're watching "Just the Artifacts" at the legendary once lost Temple of Culebra Gigante! I have just braved a treacherous climb to the temple's harrowing heights to bring you this! [holds up the Talisman] The Snake Talisman!
[Jade suddenly appears in the shot punching him from below]
Jade
No! Liar, liar, liar!
[pushes Jade off; mockingly] Ow, that hurt! Edit that out. Where did this mysterious Talisman come from? Why was it here? And what is that awful racket?!
[Jackie and Jade are watching the show that Wesley was filming]
Welcome, I'm Wesley Rank and you're watching "Just the Artifacts" at the legendary once lost Temple of Culebra Gigante! I have just braved a treacherous climb to the temple's harrowing heights to bring you this...the Snake Talisman!
Jade
[on television, enters the shot, punching Wesley from below] No!
Jade
I'm on TV!
Rank didn't edit that out?
Jade
[on television] Liar, liar, liar!
[pushing Jade offscreen; mockingly] Ow, that hurt! [immediately cuts to him running in fear from Culebra Gigante] AAH!
[laughs] Welcome to a special edition of "Just the Artifacts"! Wesley Rank may not know how to treat little girls, but he sure knows how to scream like one! I'm Dino Stefanson, and I'll be your new guide!
Jade
[laughing] Go camera guy!
[shows a shot of the Snake Talisman]
You'll also get the full scoop on how we recovered this rare Snake Talisman from a local pawn shop Rank sold it to. We of course donated the artifact to the New York Museum.
[sigh] After what we've been through, getting the Talisman from the museum should be a snap. [pops neck]
Jade
We're off to the jungle!
Jade
New York? The concrete jungle? Duh!
[Jade and a Young Jackie Chan rush into Uncle's Store]
How did you know where I live?
Jade
Whoa, what are these? [picks up a tape only to have Uncle appear and take it back]
YYoung Uncle
8-Track tapes.
Jade
But where are the antiques?
YYoung Uncle
While I wish to trade in ancient treasures, 8-Track is the way of the future.
Jade
Think we ditched 'em.
Ditched who, why are those men after me, what's that rabbit thing, how can you run so fast, what's going on?!
Jade
Okay, here's the deal. I'm from the future. You're my uncle. The talisman's magic. The Dark Hand is after it, and now they wanna get rid of you so that they won't have to fight you when you grow up. Get it?
...That's crazy Jade. You're crazy!
Jade
Jackie, I keep having the same weird dream. I show up the first day of class without my... what I did during summer vacation essay.
Gee. Perhaps you should start writing your essay.
Jade
Tch. You mean write about how boring vacation's been? We haven't seen a single demon, or ninja, or Dark Hand thug.
[during a slideshow presentation of various Jade Artifacts]
I recognize some of these pieces. Some of the finest examples of Emperor's Jade ever to exist.
Until they vanished. As you know the collections of nearly a dozen Chinese museums have been hit over the last decade, and the thefts have the same thing in common.
No prints, no tracks, no suspects.
Until now. Section 13 agents have been tracking the movements of Taiwanese billionaire Bartholomew Chang.
[noticing Chang's hand is made entirely of jade] His hand!
Jade
[enters the room] You rang?
JBJackie & Captain Black
The stone.
Jade
Just checking! [leaves]
Our biggest obstacle is diplomatic. The Taiwanese government believes Chang to be its greatest philanthropist. That's why we can't make a move on his island fortress without absolute proof that he's stockpiling the goods there.
Chang is about to host his annual exclusive Martial Arts Tournament, ostensibly for charity. But I believe Chang uses the tournament as an audition to recruit muscle for his private army, and the guest transportation as a means to smuggle jade onto the island, and off of it.
You want me to attend the tournament as a contestant.
And find the... [looks around; whispers] Jade.
[Jade suddenly appears from an overhead vent]
Jade
Captain Black, no offense, but this is way out of Jackie's league. This is a job for the J-Team! El Toro Fuerte; wrestler extraordinaire! Viper; mistress of Hapkido, Pilates, and Krav Maga! Tohru; the big strong... er, Sumo!
Uh, yes. Captain Black, I am sorry my niece has such an active imagination.
[after Jackie destroys the Talismans]
Jade
Jackie... you blew them up!
[sigh] It is finally over... [is cuffed by Uncle] Ow!
Not over. It is just beginning.
Talismans can be destroyed, but the powers they contain cannot. The magic has been set free, scattered to the winds, which means Daolon Wong will try to find them.
Jade
You mean Jackie just started the Talisman Hunt all over again? Cool!
Bu- But where did the magic go?
With no vessels to contain them, the powers will return to their owners; the twelve animals of the Chinese Zodiac.
Jade
Hello? The Chinese Zodiac is way ancient. Those animals are history!
As such, the Talisman magic will be drawn to noble animals, those most worthy of their regal ancestors; twelve living creatures, each about to receive an extraordinary gift.
Jade
Hey, Jackie.
Jade, you should be asleep.
Jade
So should you. And I know just the thing to help you on one. First we strap on rollerblades instead of trash goal points, then we slip through the talismans out of the vault...
Just because I can sleep, doesn't mean you don't have to.
Jade
Aw.....
Jade
Are we there yet?
Patience Jade. We will not know where "there" is, until Uncle's locator spell leads us to the animal we seek.
[sitting in the back of the car, producing a Chi spell] The tiger who has inherited the Talisman power of Yin and Yang.
Jade
Well make it hurry, because it reeks something fierce in here!
Are you sure the spell is accurate, Uncle? Nevada is not exactly known as tiger country.
Never mock the sock. It is our only chance of finding the tiger before the forces of darkness do.
Jade
Well betcha Daolon Wong doesn't have to spend all day cooped up in a smelly car.
[after Jade interferes with the Tiger's Yin and Yang power, which was separating Jackie]
Jade
Jackie, are you okay?
[reveals Jackie's separation was not complete, resulting in Jackie having two heads]
Jade
Bwah!
JLJackie Light/Dark
What? [they notice each other] Ah!
Hey, I have a zit! Get off of my body, or I'll pop you! [tries pushing his light side off]
I do not wish to argue, but this is my body too!
Jackie Chan Adventures · 738 quotes
