Jackie quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie, guard the door in case it returns!

Jackie

"It"?

Hidden inside of an antique? Mr. Lam tried to trick us into taking it!

Jackie

What is "it"?

A Jiang Shi Vampire!

Jade

Told ya.

Jackie

... Did the little monster put you up to this?

Chinese vampire drain Chi. Life energy from the prey making the vampire stronger, and turning the victims into servants. Without any Chi, Tohru will soon transform into a fiendish minion of darkness! We must perform a Chi transfusion!

Jackie

Transfusion? You want to put someone else's Chi in Tohru's body?

Jade

Tch. Where are you gonna find someone with that much extra- [Uncle grabs her] Whoa!

You have abundant youthful energy. Chi to spare. It is the only way to prevent Tohru from serving the undead!

Jackie

Thank you, Tohru.

[with Jade's Chi] I just slam-dunked a Chi Sucker! I rule! [begins to dance] Go Tohru! Go Tohru! I'm the bomb!

Hmmm. It appears the Chi transfusion was successful.

Jade

[dancing] Go Jade! Go Jade! Lotta Chi Girl! Saving Tohru!

[with Jade's Chi] How are we gonna save Uncle without Uncle???

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] We must do research!

Jackie

You gotta be kidding me.

[with Jade's Chi; holding an unconscious Uncle] He's starting to go all fang-y.

Jackie

Uncle is turning into the vampire's minion. Use my Chi for the transfusion. [is cuffed by Jade] Ow!

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] I do not know such spells! Jade has Uncle's CHI, not his brains!

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] We must all reclaim our Chi before sunrise, or it will belong to the Vampire forever!

[with Jade's Chi] You mean I'd be stuck in Jade-mode?

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] You would rather have Uncle's Chi? I cannot stop thinking about digestion!

[in a state of paralysis] My master will drink you dry! Drink you- [mouth covered by Jackie]

Jackie

How do we take back the Chi?

[with Jade's Chi] Easy. We just hunt down Count Jerkula, and... [kicks and punches in the air]

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] No! Magic must defeat magic! We must collect a toadstool from a graveyard, place it inside the vampire's left sock, and throw the sock into a river!

Jackie

... You're making this up.

Jade

[with Uncle's Chi] You want to stop the Jiang Shi? Yes? THEN DO WHAT JADE TELLS YOU! One more thing. We must hurry. The sunrise is in thirty minutes!

[with Jade's Chi] Come on Jackie! It's vampire butt-kick time!

Jackie

This is too weird.

[coming upon a large idol of three stone monkeys] There!

Jade

Whoa! Mt. Chimpmore.

The great idol of the Three Wise Monkeys. Legend tells that it is filled with Dark Chi.

Jackie

The idol is evil?

No. Three Wise Monkeys are guardians. Good wizards sealed the Dark Chi within them looking ago, so that humanity may neither see, hear, nor speak of such evil. [shudders] Oh.

What is it, sensei?

The willies!

Daolon Wong

[suddenly appearing] No doubt the forces of light have summoned you here, since I possess the only existing map.

Jackie

Daolon Wong!

Jade

The anti-Uncle!

Jackie

[Shocked] What did you do?!

Jade

What did you do?! You put an old junk heap in the middle of the floor!

Jackie

That "old junk heap" is a priceless antiquity on loan from the museum!

Jackie

[nervously pacing] Oh, broken statue...

Jade

Sorry!

Jackie

Broken statue!

Jade

Sorry!

Jackie

Broken statue!

Jade

Sorry!

Jasmine tea to calm the nerves...

Jackie

Yes, I can see my future in the tea leaves. The museum contacts the university, my career winds up like that statue; ruined! [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

Your career not important! Now we will never read the inscriptions. Knowledge has been lost forever! ... Must call my insurance agent, see if I'm covered for this.

Jade

Really, I can explain!

Captain Black

No need. The intruder was obviously an emissary of the Dark Hand utilizing a high octane nerve gas. You were foolish to try and stop him on your own... [pats Jade's head] But also very brave.

Jade

Yeah, well I try to be of help.

Jackie

Yes, and I wish you would stop helping. [notices the Talismans are gone] The Talismans! How?!

Jade

Uh... you know that broken statue? Well, he's not so broken anymore.

Jackie

What?!

Jade

Don't worry, Jackie. I can help! [covers mouth] The H word. [later] I meant help you find the warrior, not help do the laundry.

Jackie

No, don't hurt her!

Jade

It's okay, Jackie. Me and Lo Pei are pals.

Pals. [gives thumbs up gesture] A-okay.

Jackie

And the Talismans?

Jade

Oh. Those. Well, the Dark Hand kinda got the drop on us, and... heh.

Jackie

[facepalms] Ohhh...

Jade

We'll get the Talismans back! Warriors, yes!

Jackie

Warriors, no! You are a child, and I am an archaeologist, [to Lo Pei] though not for long if I don't get you back to the museum.

Again you speak nonsense. As the crescent-moon is duty-bound to follow the sunset, so shall I smite this Dark Hand! [gives a thumbs up] HOO-AH!

Jackie

"Hoo-ah"?

Jade

It's an ancient warrior thing.

Jade

[as Jackie grabs her shoulder] Wah!

Jackie

Hi Jade.

Jade

[breathing heavily] Jackie, don't sneak up on me like that!

Jackie

Oh, I was sneaking up on you? You're supposed to back at the hotel.

Jade

Sure. Limit my exposure to other cultures. Stifle my educational potential.

Jackie

Jade, I'm only trying to stifle your potential to be harmed. What if the Dark Hand were here too, searching for the Snake Talisman?

Jade

Did you find it?

Jackie

Not yet. You'd think it were invisible.

Wesley Rank

Welcome, I'm Wesley Rank and you're watching "Just the Artifacts" at the legendary once lost Temple of Culebra Gigante! I have just braved a treacherous climb to the temple's harrowing heights to bring you this...the Snake Talisman!

Jade

[on television, enters the shot, punching Wesley from below] No!

Jackie

Huh?

Jade

I'm on TV!

Jackie

Rank didn't edit that out?

Jade

[on television] Liar, liar, liar!

Wesley Rank

[pushing Jade offscreen; mockingly] Ow, that hurt! [immediately cuts to him running in fear from Culebra Gigante] AAH!

Dino Stefanson

[laughs] Welcome to a special edition of "Just the Artifacts"! Wesley Rank may not know how to treat little girls, but he sure knows how to scream like one! I'm Dino Stefanson, and I'll be your new guide!

Jade

[laughing] Go camera guy!

Jackie

Look!

Dino Stefanson

You'll also get the full scoop on how we recovered this rare Snake Talisman from a local pawn shop Rank sold it to. We of course donated the artifact to the New York Museum.

Jackie

[sigh] After what we've been through, getting the Talisman from the museum should be a snap. [pops neck]

Jade

We're off to the jungle!

Jackie

Jade?

Jade

New York? The concrete jungle? Duh!

Jackie

Kepler, have you seen- [Kepler's Chroniton Beam fires directly at Jackie as he enters the door; Jackie narrowly avoids it] Aah!

Same beam almost fried Jade. Maybe I should move the emitter.

Jackie

Maybe??? This is a safety hazard!

Young Jackie

How did you know where I live?

Jade

Whoa, what are these? [picks up a tape only to have Uncle appear and take it back]

8-Track tapes.

Jade

But where are the antiques?

While I wish to trade in ancient treasures, 8-Track is the way of the future.